The cursor is blinking at me as I sit here, 39 weeks pregnant, trying to figure out how best to write this (quick?) post without making it sound like I have an agenda, ax to grind, malice, or most definitely a need to defend myself and choices. So why write it then? I suppose my reasons for writing this are quite varied – one just a little bit of insight into me and my life, and two because after reading multiple birth boards today (that’s what us preggos do, read every detail about labor and birth while we scrutinize every symptom or lack thereof of labor coming), I am saddened by what I am reading. Not that anything seems to have changed in the almost 7 years since I had my first child, though I wish it had.
Next month, once baby is here and I’ve (only slightly) recovered from the shock of childbirth once again, I’ll be posting weeks of baby-product reviews and giveaways for my readers. I’m excited to try out some products I’ve never used before and eager to share some of the ones that are my favorites. One group of products you won’t see reviewed here on Feisty Frugal & Fabulous are anything to do with breastfeeding. You see, that’s because I don’t have a hope in hell of knowing what to do with any of those items.
I’m not a breastfeeder. I don’t lactate. No really, depite wide eyed stares from people when I explain this, I don’t get engorged, I don’t ache for days on end and I simply don’t produce milk. As I explain it, I wholeheartedly believe in the mind-body connection when it comes to our health and our well-being. We can often times be our own worst enemies or our best cheerleaders. In my case, the decision not to breastfeed was already made when I was pregnant with my first baby so in my mind I knew it wasn’t happening…and my boobs got the message.
I never once looked back on my decision to formula feed Elijah from birth. When I was pregnant again in 2007, friends asked me the question, “Are you going to try and breastfeed this one?” and the answer was unequivocally “no”. I had a great experience the first time around, why would I want to mess that up? My husband, being the amazing man he is, is what I call a 50/50 parent. We took turns feeding our babies at night – ensuring we each got a nice 6 hour or longer block of sleep. He could mix formula like nobodies business at 3 a.m. My post-partum days and weeks have always been positive – no tears, no guilt, no questioning my abilities as a mother. And that’s why I know the decision was right for me and my family.
It’s funny, when women share that they tried breastfeeding, be it for 2 weeks, 2 months or more but had to stop for various reasons somehow this is met with more understanding than someone like me saying their babies were not once even put to the breast. I feel the judgement. I don’t hear it because, frankly, people who know me in person are smart enough to know that stating that judgement out loud would not end well (in other words, we probably wouldn’t be friends). I know it’s there though, and that’s ok, because if a person wants to find things about my parenting to judge me on, it’s just one on the list. I’ll write up yours while you do mine, mmm k?
I don’t have it out for breastfeeders – the majority of my friends are breastfeeding mamas and some of them are very passionate about it (we try and stay off topic as much as we can, but sometimes when we get into a good discussion it’s surprising what we can learn from the other). I will, however, say that I am very pro-formula-feeding and share my experience when asked (and sometimes when not!) I have all the respect and admiration in the world for women who choose to breastfeed. I just don’t make the choice for myself and am thankful for the right to do so.
So, I hope you can still read my blog without the Scarlet Letter (this time being F) imprinted on your brain when you click to the next site afterwards. I think nursing blankets, breast pumps, and er…those creams that help with (shudder) cracking (!!!) and such all have a rightful place on mommy blogs. Just not on mine. Though, you’ve gotta admit, me doing a review of the last two items listed would be quite entertaining.
Good for you Mama! You know what works for YOUR family and that is what matters. Breastfeeding isn’t right for everyone, and I hope that you don’t have to deal with too much crap for your decision. Your Baby, Your Breasts, Your Family, Your Decision. To anyone who is about to leave a negative comment here…I hope you think twice..
Just sayin
Good Luck with labour and delivery!
Thanks Jen, you know what’s sad? That you thought ahead that someone might leave a negative comment…just think about that. It’s almost like we prepare for it when we say something that isn’t with the norm.
I think my readers are pretty open-minded, so far these comments are awesome and I’m eager to read more!
as long as your babies are fed, that’s what is most important. I definitely am pro-breastfeeding, but most important is the fact that the baby is fed!
I breastfed my first three children and did not breastfeed my last two and I can tell you unequivocally without a doubt that I haven’t noticed any differences in the kids as far as immunity, intelligence, bonding or anything that the pro-BF campaigns claim. I think it is about what works best for you as a mother and I found it was just more convenient for me not to BF with my last two with the older ones on the go so much. Good for you for making the choice to support what works best for your family!
Thanks Janessa – I think it’s interesting reading the perspective of a mother that has done both. I have no right to say anything about the pros/cons of breastfeeding as I simply am – literally – ignorant when it comes to breastfeeding. That’s why I enjoy the discussions with my breastfeeding friends, because I learn from them (hopefully they learn a thing or two from me too though). 😉
Good for you Tenille! I have to say I am not much of a lactater either! I enjoyed bottle feeding after breast feeding drove me to drink! (hahah) I also really enjoyed the help from Cory through some rough nights and days. Its great to be 50/50 not sure I could have had kids any other way! All the best to you and that little sweetheart coming into this world!
I’m so glad you wrote this, Tenille!! I know we’ve talked about it before and as a breastfeeding “failure” who chose to throw in the towel for the sake of my sanity, I totally understand the judgements that are passed….. I found there was so much pressure, especially with the first, to breastfeed as it was “best for baby”. Well, not my baby!! Some people just have to lighten up! Happy Mama = Happy Babe!!
I don’t think any mom should judge another for any of her choices in raising a child as long as that child is loved and nurtured. What a bonus to have a dad that will take on the feeding too. It will benefit him and the baby to have that bond when he feeds the baby. Enjoy that new little one and don’t listen to those that may criticize! There are too many wonderful memories to be made and cherished because they grow up way too quickly.
As with everything in life, there are pros and cons. What might be a pro for one, may be a con for the next. We are also fortunate to have the option to formula feed. There is no right or wrong.
Your post was beautifully written.
Signed, the pro-breastfeeder who supports the choice to FEED your child. Who can complain if a child is fed, happy, healthy and thriving!?
Good luck!!
You said it perfectly Melissa! 😉
OOHhh my goodness I needed to read this 6 months ago when I had jack. I am now a PROUD and VERY happy bottle feeder but man oh man I was made to feel like I was feeding him liquid poison.
Breastfeeding did not work for me and you know what….it sucked. We are supposed to feel all sentimental and we are almost shunned for admitting how horrible it really is/was.
I wasn’t able to breastfeed either of mine because the asthma medicine I need to take isn’t safe to breastfeed on. It was tough to deal with some people who assume you are a rotten parent because you aren’t breastfeeding. Hopefully people will understand that we all have many different reasons for what we do and don’t do and if not… try not to let it get to you. It’s not really their opinions that matter.
I hate that there has to be such divison among us mama’s. Why do we judge and divide according to one another’s choices? I do not agree with formula feeding camp or breastfeeding camp.. I agree in a happy and healthy mother and baby 🙂 However that happens doesn’t matter, it’s the end result! Never feel guilty for making the best choice for your child and family 🙂 All the best as you approach your baby’s birthday 🙂
Thank you for writing this. As a frugal blogger, I always get snarky comments when I tell people that both of my children, especially the little baby, have been formula fed. “breastfeeding is so much more economical!” yeah, well, the breastfeeding experience caused me so much stress so I’d rather be sane forgot kids than insane and crying with a crying baby latched on but not getting anything from my breasts. I do think it’s so sad that a few bfing moms still judge those that choose to not breast feed. We don’t judge them for doing it, so there should be no judgement in return.
I hope you have a wonderful delivery!
Oh yes that is common for me too – friends have said how they find it odd that I will clip coupons, go nuts over a double-coupon day, search for deals yet spend money on formula when I have ‘the free stuff’ right there.
But we all make financial decisions based on our priorities and what works best – do you drive one car or two (we have one), do you live in a metropolis or smaller community, are you house-poor or do you live in a house that is less expensive?
For me, my mental health is worth the cost of formula. Honestly.
I remember when I chose to bottle feed my oldest almost 17 years ago. My reasons were what was right for me and my dd at the time. The nurses were horrified (and this the time they still took the babies the first night to the nursery).
Fast forward to having a baby this past year, I choose to breastfeed as I was at a different place in my life, I felt no pressure to pick this as an option. In fact when I was having issues, there was actually discussion between my midwife and I about switching to formula.
So what I am saying you should not feel that you need to make excuses for having to formula feed your baby. There are many who have the same issues and I am happy that you are sharing them. In the end it is what works for us moms at the time.
Enjoy every moment of your new born when they arrive. I know from doing both from the start, it didn’t change the way I bonded with my babies or how they are now.
FWIW I am all for feeding the baby. I am also very much probreastfeeding. I was like you, when I was pregnant I said no way jose am I going to nurse a baby. Then I gave it some thought when I learned I was having twins {eventually lost one} to save money. Then I went to a breastfeeding class to at least hear what it was about, and just watching the videos I was like “OMG! LOVE!” and I worked my butt off to get my preemie from a bottle to the breast at 1 1/2 months.
Anyways, what I’m trying to say is, don’t knock it until you try it. There ARE a lot of benefits that pro-formula-feeders dismiss and call “not true” that are immeasurable. The experience for us was so so so so{x100 more so’s} hard for us, but became so easy.
I am pro feeding. I am also pro education and pro trying. You don’t know how you will feel about breastfeeding until you try it. You may never know, if you tried once you may LOVE it. I made a parenting decision without researching first. Do I regret it? yes and no. No I don’t regret what I did {100% of the time…} but I 1000000% regret never trying/researching/educating myself.
I hope I am not coming across judgmental or catty, because I am definitely not trying to. It’s your family and your life, do what you want obviously, but you never know 😉 It could be something you enjoy! And that goes for ANYTHING & ANYONE, including me! :):):)
No worries Katie, I get what you’re saying. You’re not the first person that has said that to me “How do you know if you don’t try?” and you’re right, there’s no 100% way for me to know I would not like breastfeeding since I’ve never tried it.
The thing is, I don’t think I should HAVE to. It’s not anyone’s call to say that I should “at least give it a chance”. That brings me back to being 5 and being told to eat fish because “you won’t know you don’t like it until you try it”.
I’m not a child, I’m an adult who makes my own decisions whether or not I try all the options first or not and being told that we should “at least try it” gives the impression that our own decision making skills are not enough (NOT what you are saying at all, I know that, just sharing how ‘the other side sees it’)
I really appreciate your comments and honestly Katie!
P.S. I still to this day don’t eat seafood and have never tried the majority of it. 😛
Thank-you, thank-you! When I had my son I felt so much pressure to bf. I ended up having a meltdown in the hospital and finally one nurse that told me that formula was just fine. Bless her heart! She saved my sanity. My son is just fine! Kudos to those that can bf, but for those who can’t, no guilt, no judgment, just love on those babies!!
I hope you dont have people who shun you. I bottle fed my children after trying to nurse… What I found the most aggrevating was I had a sister in law who was nursing her son who was 6 months older than my child. It was the time of year when we were going to go on a family camping trip and I heard.. Well of course your sister in law can bring her child he is still nursing… BUT then I heard… No you need to find someone to watch your child.. you are BOTTLE FEEDING… I didnt bottle feed to pawn off my child. I bottle fed so my child could be healthy. I was NOT impressed. Good for you Tenille
Wow Deseri I’m sorry that happened to you! Did you end up going on the camping trip?
How dare you be so selfish? You are endangering your child’s health by withholding the liquid gold. Shame on you…..
(since you know me, you know I am not being serious!)
In the year that I have grown to know you, I know that this post DID take courage to write, but not as much as it might have for others…..I mean you ARE Feisty right? LOL I love that you wrote this with your signature “I don’t care what anyone thinks” attitude. Even if you DO get a comment like the one I was making above in jest, you will flake it off and move on.
I do have to say that I have never met a woman that did not get engorged – even a little bit – in those first few weeks after having the baby. Even Jenny McCarthy who didn’t breastfeed either got engorged.
I am a freakshow what can I say? Watch now that I’ve said I don’t get engorged my boobs will betray me and I’ll be posting for remedies on how to stop the paaaaaain.
I do leak on day two or three, not enough to need a breast pad or anything but enough to make me quizzickly poke at my boobs in awestruck silence watching to see what happens next. I’m talking a teaspoon at best the entire time.
Freakshow, I told ya. 😛
Thank you so much for writing this! Your honesty is so nice to hear. I formula fed my first, and now my second child, and have a few friends who exclusively bottle fed with formula. My husband was also very supportive and helpful with night feedings for the first while with both kids, and we did what worked best for our family. There was definitely that pressure there to breastfeed with my first, & I gave it a try, but it just wasn’t going to work out. The second time around it wasn’t even mentioned in the hospital because my intention to bottle feed was known. I stock-piled cans of formula before my son was born when there was an awesome deal, and thankfully he did great on it, and 7 months later, we’re down to 4 cans! There is so much to being a good mother and being a good parent with your significant other- whether or not you breastfeed or bottle feed is insignificant, as everyone’s trying to do the best they can!
Whoa Janelle you are the queen of stock-piling (come call it hoarding but they just don’t understand us…heh)
I have 6 cans of formula in my pantry right now ready to go. =)
As everyone else has said- good for you. You do what you have to do- and feed that baby. I have been going through my own hoops of guilt and shame regarding my own experience this time around with my twins. They are 5 months old and I breastfeed about 40% of the time. I did 100% of the time with my son and I feel I am my own worst judge. WHY do I feel this- I am doing everything I can- for freaking TWO babies and how can I not give myself a break?? Just wanted you to know, that breastfeeding, even twins- part of the time can get judgement too. Enjoy your birth and new baby 🙂
Good gracious woman! Twins! Kudos to you for even attempting breastfeeding with two little ones, I don’t know how women do it (obviously) and am saddened still to hear of the judgement you feel. =(
Great post Tenille. We all have to do what we think is right for our child and ourselves. I am a bottle feeder myself, for no other reason than it works for us. Even the fact that you felt you needed to write this post at all is a testament to the judging that is out there… not everywhere, but still out there.
Great post. I decided not to breastfeed my son. I didn’t even try it once. He is healthy, smart and loved. All that matters is what is best for the family and no one should make anyone feel guilty for doing it.
I was 16 when I had my daughter and with just getting together with her dad, getting pregnant, moving out and having a baby all at 16, EASY was the first thing on my mind. I was also finishing school online. I never offered her the breast. Knew from the time I found out I was pregnant that I would formula feed. Breastfeeding just wasn’t an option for me.
Now I have changed my plans. We’re trying for #2 currently and I am planning on breastfeeding this one. If it doesn’t work out I know that my daughter is perfectly fine and Formula is a GREAT choice. It worked for our family and I don’t judge either way.
My daughter is healthier than most breastfed babies I know. She was never sick until this past winter (at 3.5) and she never had an ear infection etc. Her breastfed counterparts however are constantly sick, have allergies and are generally unhealthy. So I’m not sure. But I do want to try breastfeeding.
I think that it’s such an individual decision. What is right for one person is not right for another. I breastfed both of mine, but had much difficulties in the process. With the problems I had, I do not blame someone for choosing to not go that route. I’m a huge blogger about breastfeeding, but I only started blogging about the subject because I wanted to discuss the problems that one can have.
Good for you! You have to do what’s best for you and your family. I have three healthy boys, all of whom were strictly formula fed. Like you, my hubs totally helped out with the middle of the night feedings and I honestly think it helped me be a better mom since I was able to get some rest! If people want to judge me for feeding my kids formula (or you), that’s their problem. Pfft! Good luck with the delivery!
I was not able to lactate with my second child and at first I was devestated by it. But now I realize I just couldn’t and that didn’t make me a bad mom. Good for you for knowing you are doing what’s needed for your child and you!
I’ll be completely honest, and I think I’ve told you this before, that I get a *tad* resentful when I think about how much effort and perseverance it took to breastfeed both my children, then hear of other moms simply grabbing a bottle and sharing feeding duties while getting 6 hours of sleep in a row. How’s that for honesty? LOL
But in the end feeding choices of other parents are none of my business. I realize it’s not a possibility for everyone. Some women have issues sexually about breastfeeding or they can’t produce at all/enough or they maybe they just flat out don’t want to.
And that’s exactly why nobody has the right to guilt other mamas about their choice – we might never know the real reason behind their choice not to breastfeed and if put in their shoes we might feel differently.
PS. Even breastfeeders are judged by other breastfeeders. “you only nursed for 1 year?? why not 2??” it never ends.
I completely agree that even breastfeeders are judged by other breastfeeders. I breastfed my daughter for 21 months and I felt like I was being judged by other breastfeeders because I didn’t do it for 2 or 3 years like they did.
Does the winner who does it the longest get a special seat in heaven I wonder?
You might have to move to another country to get that award! 😉 Some countries breastfeed till…oh….age 7 or 9…. 😛
I can understand both points of view and will tell you that no matter what side you sit you will always be judged by someone. I breastfed baby 1 and bottle fed baby 2 and now 3. When I breastfed people made comments, when I bottle fed people made comments. 3 beautiful, healthy children all as vibrant as the next. One mother’s choice is not the right choice for every mother.
I think it is fantastic that you took the time to write this article. Thanks Tenille!
I am a big time pro breastfeeder. When it comes to me and my own children. Past that I don’t care what you feed your baby as long as they are healthy, happy and growing.
I completely understand!!
When my daughter was born, I tried breastfeeding but I, too, couldn’t produce milk.
I waited for the achy boobs and engorging but it never came.
I’m here for ya, you do what is right for you!
No matter what some people say, breastfeeding your baby is not what makes you a good Mother. It is the lifetime of love, encouragement, understanding, and compassion that you give your child that makes you a great Mother!!! I wish all the best for you and your ,soon to be, precious little baby!
Just wanted to add that you should check out this interview with author Joan B. Wolf in Macleans magazine.
http://www2.macleans.ca/2011/01/10/author-joan-b-wolf-in-conversation/
I’m purchasing her book from Amazon Holly, it’s been on my to-do list for awhile now! She’s fascinating (and brave….)
I don’t even have an excuse. I lactated just fine. I just chose not to breastfed. Believe me, with my reason just to not want to had some fellow pro- breastfeeder friends up in arms but I didn’t feel I needed to give a reason on my choice. In the end does it really matter? My daughter is very healthy,and very smart. But since we are on the topic, I chose not to because I have had a history of depression. I won’t elaborate because I don’t feel I should have to and I will say it again, doesn’t it even matter? But I knew what my feeding choice would be before I even conceived and I will never regret for a second me choosing formula over breast,and will make the same feeding choice for my second.
There is so much more I would like to say about this topic. But as you and I both know from previous experiences, it’s sometimes best to stop while you are ahead.
Great post!
Breast vs. Bottle; one of the ultimate polarizing topics among mommy bloggers!
I have four children and breastfed each of them for at least a year (13 months, 18 months, 27 months, 18 months… and still going). Breastfeeding has just worked for me. Sure, we’ve dealt with cracked, bleeding nipples, engorgement, mastitis, thrush (oh, the intense pain of a teething child suckling at a breast riddled with a deep tissue fungal infection–exquisite agony!). For the most part though, nursing my children hasjust been theeasy route.
I know mamas who have soldiered on through the disappointments of inadequate milk supply by pumping (oh, God–the pumping these poor women have endured), taking supplements, drinking foul teas, etc. all in vain, or to achieve minimal success.
My sister-in-law, and others I know, just couldn’t deal with the thought of a child nursing from their breast but were overcome with guilt for considering withholding a few precious drops of mothers’ milk so they resorted to pumping full-time so could “have the best of both worlds: breastfeeding AND bottle feeding!” (Said with a huge grin and vacant eyes while desperately trying to convince themselves as much as anyone else that it was all worth it in the end.) I know a woman who thought the act of breastfeeding was absolutely disgusting but wanted the cost savings so again, she pumped and bottle-fed. She and her husband both joked about the two swollen, leaking dollar signs on her chest for months.
My heart has hurt for mothers who ached to nurse their premature infant who was unable to suckle at their breast. Watching these women grieve over not being able to share that “bonding experience” with their child enrages me against the breastfeeding camps that scream from mountaintops of the blogosphere that “Breast is BEST!!” Bonding with your child over a feeding isn’t about what they are fed, it’s about HOW they are fed–holding them, gazing into their eyes, talking to them, rubbing their back or stroking their arms. Humming to them, loving on them and soothing them, these can all be done with a bottle OR a breast in baby’s mouth.
I’ve looked on with jealousy as formula feeding moms whip out a bottle, pass baby off to dad, grandma, babysitter, an older sibling, etc. and they take off to go shop solo, make dinner, clean the house or whatever they WANT to do. 3 am feeding? Sending my husband off was NEVER an option with breastfeeding. Gosh, what relief if my husband could have whipped out his pecks and satisfied our hungry child!
In reality though, the dirty truth that the breastfeeding community doesn’t want you to know about is how lazy we are. Again, I’m not talking about women that have to WORK to make breastfeeding happen. What kind of effort does it take to whip out a boob? Mixing bottles in the morning before you can wipe the sleep out of your eyes, warming formula at all hours of the night, packing the diaper bag for extended outings or road trips. All with the stress of a wailing infant who is demanding to be fed 5 minutes ago, not 2 minutes from now when the bottle will be ready. What admirable women–bottle wielding heroes!
I was a co-sleeper. When baby fussed, out came the breast and she nursed while I slept. I never had to wash a bottle. I never had to sterilize anything. No boiling water, no buying filtered water and no taking stock of the pantry to make sure we had formula to make it though the week.
For those of us who breastfeeding comes naturally to, it is the EASIEST option. It isn’t a sacrifice. I would even go so far to say it can *sometimes* be more about the mother than the baby. Convenience outweighing nutritional concerns. I’ll probably be lynched by some radical breastfeeder for admitting it, but I call ’em like I see ’em.
ALL of that said, feeding your child is your responsibility. Choose responsibly, weighing the costs in the balance and do what works for your family. Every mother knows her limits and what is best for her own child. Feeding your child shouldn’t be stressful. Once you have your decision made, stick to what you know in your heart to be the best for you and never look back. There isn’t a soul in the world whose opinion matters THAT much.
Do you have a blog Heather? You write wonderfully, thanks so much!
I’ll admit it too. For me breastfeeding was the easiest option. Just the thought of messing with all those bottles makes me crazy.
I nursed both my babies until they weaned themselves (at 10 and 11 months) and enjoyed every minute of it.
This was SO good to hear! There aren’t many breastfeeders willing to “come clean” with the convenience factor! Most just mask it with the “holier than thou” bonding argument. And not many will acknowledge that bottlefeeding isn’t as convenient as it may seem! There are two sides to every argument! Thanks for this reminder!
Since some people above mentioned cans of formula, I was wondering if the cans are Bisphenol-A free now. Does anyone know?
Nessie – I called Nestle Canada today (that’s the formula we use) to double check.
I was told that the plastic lid of the powder cans does contain some BPA (within the limits of Health Canada) but the can itself does not. The powder generally does not come into contact with the lid itself.
Not sure about other formula brands and US standards though.
Thank you for checking that, Tenille! A few years ago, when we had to formula feed our daughter for the first few days, I heard that they did contain BPA (not sure if it was only the powdered formula or the liquid one or both) and we ended up throwing out some small cans of liquid formula.
I, too, heard that the liquid formula cans had it as well but again this was a few years ago so I’m not sure how things have changed in terms of the liquids in the cans. We’re going to start w/ powder once we’re home and see how it goes though liquid is sooo much easier.
I HATED preparing formula, that’s why we wanted to use the liquid one. Someone here wrote that breastfeeding is the easiest option… I completely agree 🙂
I loved nursing my daughter. It was such a special bonding time for us. It was not always easy but I am glad I did it. What I HATED about it was pumping when I went back to work. I pumped 3 times a day and I swear each and every time my boss would come around looking for me. Then trying to hide the milk in the breakroom freezer…what was a joy! Good luck 🙂
BRAVO! i did lactate…flipping gallons…but breastfeeding was painful and eventually made me resent my baby…so i didn’t breastfeed, and my son loves me just the same!
My fourth baby is 10 weeks old now. I breastfed the other 3 for a full 12 months. It has gotten exponentially harder with each kid. I TRIED finding a formula for my 3rd, but I had waited until she was 6 months old and she wouldn’t take it at all. This time I’m dying of exhaustion, she won’t go on any type of schedule and I simply want to stab my husband everytime he leaves the house or sleeps without a care in the world. I feel trapped and drained. But you know who judges me the most? HIM. I had a friend feed the baby formula while she watched her for me and guess what? The baby loved it! What I’d like to do is some kind of mix of both formula & the breast so I can breath but the judgement from my own husband is hard to take. Also, I don’t know anyone who I can consult, who has done both for a long period of time.
I read your post and almost started crying. I am so jealous and so happy for you that you’ll be able to love and get to know your new baby clear headed. You rock for posting this. Thank you.
AmyAnne my heart aches for you. I read your post out loud to my own husband.
I wish I had more encouraging words to offer you but of course as I’ve said I’m breastfeeding-ignorant so I don’t know the first thing about combining the two – though I know others have done it.
Have you checked out the forums on Babycenter.com? Sometimes there’s some good discussion there.
Hopefully someone else reading this can offer you some better advice and help you get to a better place with feeding your little one.
I want you to be happy and clear headed like you described me – you deserve it!!!!
AmyAnn – can you email me? I’d love to give you a hand but didn’t want to have to comment back and forth on this post!
My email address is amanda@naturalmommie.com
http://naturalmommie.com
xx
You can definitely email me too! I was driven to depression after struggling with a very similar battle. It’s exhausting! My heart breaks for you as you fight with this! I juggled both breast, pumping, and bottle with both of my children. Feel free to email and we can chat about it if you need to! furler_1@hotmail.com
Yeah my sister doesn’t lactate either. Neither did her mother. It’s a genetic thing. I don’t care how you feed your baby and don’t blame you one bit for not choosing to breast feed.
Loves yas
Lee
Do what’s right for you and your baby for sure! I hope this post is inspirational for those frustrated or having difficulty. I would still advocate for breastfeeding though (even though I didn’t breastfeed) from the standpoint of it’s quite the money saver.
I have 2 kids and pregnant with the 3rd,I have not breastfeed any of them and do not p;an on this time around.Liked your post and feel it is every persons decision,but no one should look down on anyone for that decision.
Wow, fate brought me to your board! I’m a new Mom, my little girl is 6 weeks old, and you would think I was telling people I was allowing our dogs to raise her when I answer no I’m not breast feeding. Like you it just didn’t happen for me, so much so that she lost over a pound while we kept trying at the urging of the nurses and after adding formula still didn’t help she ended up having to be on a high calorie formula.
The part that bothered me the most was the lack of support from those that are supposed to support you the most. We took classes at our local hospital, taught by labor and delivery nurses, and in the literatue there is not 1 mention of formula feeding. No schedule like the one that we were given for breast feeding, no advise on how much she should be eating. Thank God we have the internet, I don’t know what I would have done without it. And thank you for posting this. It really made me feel so much better to know that there are some out there that understand and congrats on the baby.
Wow Amy that’s really sad to hear. I realize the info pushed is “breast is best” and I get that. However, I think education and information are key – by NOT providing information on formula feeding, we are treading on thin ice in terms of censoring information for new parents (in my opinion).
I don’t see why both options can’t be presented in prenatal classes and in literature in the hospital. Are organizations so afraid of the backlash from lactivists that they can’t provide information? Sad.
I think the choice to breastfeed or not breastfeed is a very personal choice. No one should be judged for their choice to breastfeed or not breastfeed. It seems like no matter what your choice is there is always someone out there ready to be judgmental with the “Oh my gosh, you didn’t even try” or the “I can’t believe she would have the nerve to breastfeed in public”
Why can’t people just respect that you made the choice that is best for your family?
The ones who stand in judgement of you should think good and hard about the quality of their virtues. You are a stay-at-home ‘working’ Mother who takes great care with your children’s nutrition, education, activity and play time so perhaps people should focus a little more on the strengths of other Mothers instead of what they feel is a weakness.
Besides, the market today is filled with companies who work very hard to produce nutritional formulas and they deserve a voice on the blogsphere to review their products too.
I say stand tall Tenille and don’t let the naysayers judge you for a second. You are an beacon for good parenting and an excellent Mother in every way that matters 😉
Thank you!
Boy, if formula companies started contacting bloggers for reviews…..? Yeesh, I think the blogosphere would explode with the drama of that.
I have to say I completely respect your choice. I tried to breast feed both my sons. They were big boys and needed more than I could produce. All the pumping, eating this, drinking that, taking pills to increase milk production – none of it really helped. I gave them what I could, but right from the hospital they both had to have formula if we wanted them to eat enough. Judgement? Oh yeah. Others definately judged and the fact that both my boys have allergies to certain foods has even made me judge myself.
However, I have an amazing doctor who kept telling me to do what was right for me. When I chose to go strictly formula, he supported me and I was so grateful for that. I never had the blissful breastfeeding experience that say, my best friend, has had. For her, she could have fed a whole herd of kids and we joked about it.
I know someone who made the same choice as you and I will admit at first I judged her for it (after all, I’d worked so hard in vain) but then I considered that if I’d made that same choice I would have had a better time with my babies. There would have been no self doubt or self hatred (yes, there was a little – after all I SHOULD be able to do it right?)
I’ve learned a lot from my experience, and from those of other women I know. Without a doubt, I believe that you do what is right for you. Your child needs a happy and healthy mother, who can cuddle and love and care for him or her. If this is how you can be that mother, then all the power to you. I found it made it easier for me to focus on my child, rather than my self-perceived shortcomings. And I had to it all over again, knowing what I know now, I’d likely join you in the formula choice.
So here’s to you being brave enough to share that choice. (and to hoping all those non-formula moms share their coupons with you!)
Jackie thank you for being so open and honest. I love that you can admit you judged – we are all guilty of judging someone else before we really step back and take stock of things.
I chose to breastfeed but I felt like I was being judged FOR breastfeeding. Many people in my husband’s family and my family never breastfed their children, so they didn’t understand why I would want to and that made me feel very uncomfortable. (I heard many negative comments that made me feel like I wasn’t doing the right thing.)
I don’t understand why this topic is so controversial- just FEED your baby! No matter how you do it, your baby will be fine. I don’t think it’s fair to make other mother’s feel guilty. I know I felt incredibly guilty when I finally decided to stop breastfeeding around 6 months.
Though I am a pro-breastfeeding, I can honestly say I do not understand the judgement with moms who choose to bottlefeed. I can honestly say I struggled in many ways with my first. More than I’d like to admit. No one really tells you hard it is going to be. I was very thankful it went much easier with my second. Now I watch my sister in law struggle in so many ways (the baby won’t take a bottle at all) even though she was supplemented with formula the first month. I know she is not happy with breastfeeding and feels so trapped. Though I can relate, I would completely support her in what ever decision she needed to make for her and her daughter. Every choice we make in life as a list of pros and cons. You make the choice that has the most pros for you. It is hard choice either way, breastfeeding works for my family but so does living in the country, growing our own food, eating chocolate after breakfast, having mud fights and wearing banana stained shirts. With so many babies not being fed, loved and cared for in todays world….. we should be counting our blessings that are babies are fed. Let’s just be thankful.
Good for you, Tenille! I knew ahead of time that I likely be one of those “I don’t lactate” gals. I am affected by a rare skin disorder, which affects sweat glands, and mammary glands are modified sweat glands. Anyway, I felt pressure to “at least try.” By day two- the pediatrician insisted that I supplement with formula, because my son was becoming jaundiced and with the skin disorder, bililamps are NOT an option. She looked at me and said, “Either supplement with formula, or sign the consent for a total blood transfusion, because that is what he is going to need.” So I started supplementing a pumping. For TWO MISERABLE WEEKS I pumped every two hours after attempting to get my son to latch on unsuccessfully. At the end of the two weeks, I was literally producing LESS than two ounces of breast milk a DAY! No wonder my son wouldn’t latch, he knew Mommy’s boobs were about as useless as tits on a boar hog. When I took him in for his 2 week appointment, the doctor looked at me and smiled and said, “Mom. Please, just bottle feed your baby.” I felt like a failure, and told her as such. “I can’t even feed my own kid.” I said. To which, she replied, “Yes, you can. With formula.” I sent the breast pump back, and that was the end of it. My regret? That I hadn’t let other breastmilk militants make me feel inferior if I didn’t “at least try.” Those two miserable weeks could have been spent bonding with my son!