The day I have both been looking forward to and dreading is finally here. Last night we packed up Elijah’s backpack and I explained which bag would have his after-recess snack and not to open his actual lunch bag until lunch. We talked about all the friends from nursery school that would be there, and even some new friends too. I gave him a new pair (Mario Brothers!) pj’s before bed in honor of this special occasion and asked him what he’d like to have for dinner tonight to celebrate (Vietnamese salad rolls, yum!)
This morning we all got ready and my husband and I divided the tasks. I got the kids dressed (my almost-2 year old in a pretty dress, it’s a big day!) and he got Elijah’s lunch made. As I buttoned up my not-so-little boy’s shirt, it was then that it hit me. He’s not my baby.
Oh, I know he will always be my baby but today…he’s not all mine anymore. He is a student, a classmate, a best friend. His dad and I will not be the first person he may want to share some good news with anymore – it may be his teacher or a friend. My influence can only go so far now – for years I will be fighting the influences of others, protecting my kids from the influence of harsh words and criticism and celebrating the positive feedback we receive. And so, as I buttoned up his shirt, my eyes welled up with tears and I quickly walked away to busy myself doing my hair in the bathroom so he wouldn’t see.
As a family we went to school and watched with pride as he marched into the Kindergarten classroom and put away his belongings, looking like he had done it a million times before and without a care in the world. Soon he was immersed in the activity in the classroom and I stayed so I could catch his eye and wave before I left.
It was only when we got home that I allowed myself to crumble, for just a moment or two, and have a good cry in my husband’s arms for the baby we tried for 2 years to conceive, who is now a little boy on the first day of a new chapter in his life. Mom’s on a new chapter too, I suppose.
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