It’s a great quote, don’t you think?
Attributed to writer Paulo Coelho, the phrase is a great catalyst for discussion. But what does it really mean?
A member of Canada’s Top 100 Most Powerful Women Hall of Fame, Betty Ann Heggie tackles subjects like this weekly on her own blog and on Huffington Post Canada. Betty Ann Heggie is all too familiar with the women issues face trying to balance between their careers and personal lives. She believes strongly in mentorship – ahem, womentorship – and it’s this topic where we can learn a thing or two from Betty Ann!
In her post titled Learning to Say No from earlier this summer, Betty Ann looks at why it’s more difficult for women to say no in the workplace and in our personal lives than it is for men. Have you noticed this? Betty Ann offers 7 strategies for saying learning to say no!
Then, most recently, Betty Ann shared a post titled Let Go of Fear and Guilt and Say “No!” which really resonated with her readers. Now that you have your 7 strategies for saying no, what is it that’s keeping you from using them? How do fear and guilt control your life and stop you from saying No? Betty Ann shared a personal example from her own marriage that I’m sure many of us can relate to! She also offers advice on how to let go of that fear and guilt and say No (which, in the end, is a yes to yourself!)
To encourage discussion, this month’s discussion-starter contest from Betty Ann asks you to look at situations where you said yes out of fear, guilt, or simply because you are so used to saying yes that saying no is foreign (welcome to being a wife, mother, and business person right?) Share your thoughts, read Betty Ann’s posts, and you could win $100 to say yes to yourself!
To enter to win $100 PayPal cash to say YES to yourself, use the Rafflecopter form below!
Babysitting!
When I was asked to put on a big dinner party; I really did not want to but felt obligated to the extended family.
Cheers.
Babysitting and letting extended family members (that i had never really met before) stay at our home. I have or might I say, HAD the mindset, that as a parent you would want your children to act mannerally when staying at some one elses house. Um, well this family member clearly did not, and let her children break all my husbands X-Box games (this 7 and 9 year olds literally thowing, and stomping on the discs), urinate all over my guest bathroom, smudge “things” (you can just imagine) into my walls and spit in my face at breakfast! All while both parents are in the same home! I refuse to let those so-called “family members” stay with us EVER again, especially since no appologies were issued to either me or my husband.
Having hubby’s work associates over for dinner…no fun!
Babysitting
Having the in-laws stay over
It would have to be visiting with my in-laws when they have their neighbors over. They are so loud and obnoxious.
I would have liked to have said “no” to a “vacation” that I knew was going to be really difficult and that pretty much stressed me to the max. I could have saved myself some anxiety attacks and a lot of stress….
Doing a favour for my neighbour. Did nothing but complain about everyone else. Tired of listening to it.
Spending money on functions that I could do without going to simply because of the guilt from family!
Going to a work party that I really did not want to go to.
lending things to the neighbour that either didn’t return them or returned them broken.
One thing that comes to mind about saying no is a trip we had to take and as much as I didn’t want to go, I didn’t say a word and went. That is my problem, I have a difficult time to say no to people.
Doing favors for people. Who really did not care about me 🙁
Baking for an event
Usually it’s doing favours.. or agreeing to go somewhere or do something with someone when I’d really like to spend the time just relaxing and taking some down time.
I would say with my husband’s work, he is too nice and gets doing some jobs that lead him to working overtime!
I gotta agree – babysitting.
Staying on the phone for hours with an unexpected caller.
Being forced to socialize on my own time with co-workers that I really have no interest in socializing with.
When I worked I took a lot of extra shifts and said “yes” to them even though I should have said “no” as I was getting burnt out!
Getting asked to cook thanksgiving dinner!
Travelling to attend a birthday celebration for a family member earlier this year. Timing was terrible and I really should have just politely declined – but instead went and then ended up really paying for it on my end for a while.
my grandson was having a hard time and asked if i could help with his rent. how could i say no
should say no to going on a roadtrip with a 3 month old baby.
Being asked to drive an elderly woman to her dr appointment that then turned into a trip to the post office, drug store, grocery store, garden center…….. Six hours later!
Babysitting, was suppose to be for an hour.. hour & half at most……….. 5 hours later ………… ugh never again.
Tutoring the neighbors son even though I already had plans.
Going with friends to run errands with them.
I said yes to staying late for work to help out another team because a bunch of the guys from the other team was out on vacation, even though I still had a ton of work to do on my own team project.
I agreed to help with an event today at our trailer park and I am wishing I had of said no. Just find it hard to say no when I am asked to do something.
I run a dayhome and when a friend asked me to take care of her 2 kids, I should have said no. After 2 years, I gave notice to make room for a fulltime baby. She got angry with me, refused to bring the kids to finish out the month, didn’t pay me, and didn’t let my kids say goodbye to her kids.
Ouch!
I said yes to picking up and driving an extended family member home from work one day (their workplace is a twenty minute drive from my house) to help them out and since then they ask at least once a week. I hate saying no and now I’m stressing over how to say no next time because it disrupts my family’s dinner time.
feeling obligated to drive people or lend a vehicle because mine is larger
Being accomodating to going to my inlaws for dinner. They want dinner on Sunday but with 2 little ones who got o bed at 7:30, going there to eat at 7 just doesn;t work. But we do it …every week
I should have said no to lending money to a friend. Our friendship has never been the same….. she felt awkward taking longer than expected to pay me back and I felt awkward having to follow up on loan. Wasn’t worth it.
A family relative asked me to help her move some heavy things at one time. I wanted to say “no” because I had a car accident a while back and had backaches. There was no one else to help her with the move so I ended up saying “yes”.
Assist in planning a party for a departing co-worker. Can everyone just agree already! lol
I always get rooked into hosting the big holidays and with a family of 6 girls it gets a little out of hand with all the work that needs to be done!
Get asked to babysit.
agreeing to be the strong one when grandma got sick, I hate seeing her in pain and having to be the voice of reason for a sick woman. I wish I would have siad no at the start to preserve the memories I do have of her not like she is now.
Be a apart of my friends wedding even though I couldn’t afford it (dress, makeup hair ALL ofthat stuff!!)
Agreed to join the team lunch instead of date.
Often got asked to work overtime on Saturday. Didn’t want to, but always said yes.
Agreed to babysit for a friend’s children; they were sick and miserable all night 🙁
I’m one of those people that just can’t say no, so it is pretty hard to pick one. The latest one would be being asked to host Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t want to but said yes anyways.
Working overtime when asked and agreeing to hosting and cooking Thanksgiving!
When I was asked to join a family function during a week where I was working a ton of overtime. I really wanted to say no, but I felt obligated to go, so I said yes even though I was extremely exhausted.
When my mom asked me to cook christmas dinner this year I said yes, but wanted to say no, I hate cooking for crowds!
my sister asked me to babysit one time, didn’t want to because was too tired but said yes anyway
I said yes to my son over and over and over again,,but should learn to say no more often!! 🙂
for ex. when he asks to stay up late..then hard to get up next morning.lol.:)
I should say no more to my daugter when she wants to join activity after activity.
Having to watch my sisters dog for a week ;/
When I’m not feeling well, I still go out with the family I say no I’d like to stay home and rest and then it becomes a production of we’ll all stay home so then I say yes I’ll go.
I am very good at saying no – so it took a while to think of something – recently said yes to some wine when I really didn’t feel like it
I think I have this happen a lot lol I usually am asked favours and sometimes dont feel like it but I always do them!
I said ‘Yes’ to my Mum when she asked me to babysit my nephew but I really wanted to say, ‘NO’ 🙂
When I am sick, having to cook dinner, clean the house, etc but I don’t have a choice. Even when I am sick, if I don’t do it, noone else will either. No sick days for Moms.
I said yes to finding some information for a committee – it turned out to be more time-consuming than I expected, so I wish I had said “no” (especially since I was feeling very stressed with too many things to do at the time).
Usually it involves going grocery shopping after the baby’s asleep!
This happens sometimes when family get-togethers. Sometimes I feel expected to go when I really don’t want to.
Just the other day, I told the hair stylist that I liked the haircut, but I did not.
I am able to say NO…I can’t think of agreeing with a Yes to something out of guilt or fear.
“Can we watch 1 more show before bed?” nope sorry kids 🙁
I wish I could say no…there have been too many situations where I wanted to say no, but didn’t…and my life is a living hell right now because of it. I’m in the process of finding myself a new place to live, so I can finally avoid my family drama. I did not want to live with someone, but because I felt sorry for the person, I said yes. It’s affecting everything in my life and I have had it! I can’t wait to start my life and hopefully stand up for myself and say no more often…
saying yes to be a matron of honour to a friends wedding when I was pregnant. Too much stress
comming in for overtime at work
Man, where do I start! Today. When my daughter told me it’s national skip day and I let her stay home. Ugh.
Saying yes to the kids when they want to bring a friend home. There is always another kid here.
That my husband could take a night course at university… he works a lot too and it makes days so long for me with two kids!
Oh… ALLLLL the time! Today my boss asked me to work extra hours this long weekend. I said “yes” when I reallllly wanted to say “no” because I want to help finish this project
A gazillion times before I would say yes to every request for a photo shoot not wanting to let anyone down. But denying my family of time together. Now i only do so many weddings and shoots a month. Saying no is hard.
I used to be a Yes Girl…But have learned after 2 children and Running to the point of Collapse and actually did…So Guilt be gone I do what I am comfortable with and have NO GUILT saying NO!!!!
I said yes to letting my daughter stay up late
I am entering your contest.
It would be great to win $100 Paypal cash.
I find it hard to say no often.
For example, I often find it hard to say no when I am asked to cover someone else’s shift at work.
I can’t say no to my kids!! They totally take advantage me
House-sitting for a week
I say Yes almost always when asked face to face. I wish I could say more often. Even with family events, I need to learn to say No because the “running, running, running” is killing me, and does not make for enjoyable family time.
I have got dressed on a cold winter morning to give a ride to a relative, when I would have loved to stay in bed.
At work I have said yes to extra projects and should have said no 🙁
Would love to have said no when it came to working overtime
I say yes to everyone’s dog when they ask for a treat. Even if they have been bad I can’t say no to those sad eyes!
i said yes when children asked for a toy
My husband is paraplegic; I had open-heart surgery and 3 weeks later, I was already having to deal with & troubleshoot care-giver issues. Saying ‘yes’ to his needs & ‘no’ to mine happens almost daily.
At work, I have agree to help with projects or look into a problem when I want to say no.
I agreed to be the parent rep for my daughter’s class, when I know I don’t have time to do it
I agreed to work an extra day this week and next and it is not a good fit for our family when I do.
when my mom asked me to buy her new pots and pans that were not needed
Agreeing to spending more money on a party @my house when I knew i shouldn’t have
Agreeing to let my hubby volunteer to work with youth at our church more than one night a week
changing my vacation time to suit their lack of planning when I didn’t want to
I guess giving in to guilt is what gets me most – extra shifts or staying late. I care…so it always gets me.
cooking for 30 people when i was suspost to just be a guest…
small things every day! I’m terrible at saying no, but the last ‘big’ thing was when I agreed to my husband getting a bike….not that I don’t love it!, but it was not a good time financially & I knew it, but gave in anyway…..
Looking after my cousins parrot for a week.
bought a toy for the kids
I agreed to that dreaded extra shift Ughhh….
Saying yes to staying late after work to help another co-worker out, but I also had plans for supper…:(
Not being able to say no to my husband when he has a whole list of things for me to do for him! Sometimes I feel like his personal assistant!
My husband is forever inviting large groups of people over to our home. I wouldn’t mind as much, but we’ve been renovating our house for almost a year because we’re trying to open a bed and breakfast. We’ve had so many delays and I just want to open. But, inviting friends over all the time, means I have to spend the day cleaning and then another day planning the food. I don’t mind entertaining, but it takes two days of my time away from my work. Oh well, this just makes me look like Superwoman!
A few years ago, a friend I barely knew asked me to be her matron of honor at her wedding. I really did not want the responsibility, but I just could not say no because she did not have a lot of friends. I made the best of it and actually did enjoy myself. Thanks for the great giveaway opportunity. Keep up the terrific blogging.
A famous talk show hostess calls this “The disease to please” but I know that women are conditioned from childhood to be pleasant polite and to serve other people and not to need anything for yourself as everyone else comes first. I was one of those people. Two surprising results of endlessly accommodating other people’s needs that I experienced were the terrible anger that people directed towards me when I refused to be used and also the surprise that not one person that I helped would help me back when I had a desperate need and I was helpless. Not one person helped and all of them had no trouble or the slightest hesitation to say “NO”. And they abandoned me very quickly. It is hard to accept and change patterns that are ingrained .Most of all I do not want to change from being kind considerate and cheerful. Unfortunately other people see you as being a doormat.
Sometimes people ask me to take extra shifts of theirs at work, and I have a hard time saying no. I’m sometimes busy doing a lot of other things, but I have a hard time saying no.
Old clothes, for some reason I take them (even from my grandma?). I just end up driving them strait to donations.
I have a hard time saying no to family members who ask me to sew for them even when I don’t have the time.
When not so close family stop by for a visit unannounced and expect dinner or something, i have such a hard time saying no Lol.
This is definately a hard one to do – but over time I realize how necessary it is for my own sanity!
I used to work at a Personal Care home and became quite attached to the residents there. One in particular that I was close to family asked me to clean out her room after she has passed. I said yes but I really did’nt want to. After I did it, I was glad I did
I want to say no to working extra hours i so want to say no because they don’t appreciate me but on the other hand they know i need the extra money
My daughter wanted to have a large sleepover for her birthday. I really wanted to say No, but I said yes and of course regretted it that entire night. She has good memories of it though
Honestly, I’m fairly stubborn and if I’m thinking no, I’ll tend to say it. I guess I’m different from most women.
When I got asked to finish a group project but I would have preferred to split it with all the group but I took it
Hardest thing in life is to know when to say no and when to say yes great read! Putting me on my to do list
I am an Admin to an Exec. And there is a large week long event every year that is my boss’ responsibility.
I hate event planning and the event is to celebrate the workers so managers really are the ones that should be shouldering the load, but every year, who is too busy to do the work?
Ugh. It isn’t ’til June and I have a knot in my stomach jus talking about it. That is my worst yes, except I don’t get to say yes. I’m ‘volun-told’. That’s a saying at my office. Ugh.
I have family who always like to take advantage of me babysitting.. I had plan to do something on New Years and I was asked to watch my niece so being the nice person that I am I said yes.
i went out to a party with a friend even thought i just wanted to say home and reead.
Hosting the family meals at our house…I like doing it, but would like for everyone to take a turn too!!
My mother in law asked me if she could be my matron of honor at my wedding. Trust me there were a lot of other people that I would have rather had as my matron of honor other than my soon to be mother-in-law. But honestly HOW was I supposed to say NO to my soon to be husband’s MOM? What a tough situation she stuck me in!
As a mother there has been plenty of times I should have said not but I give in or just the way things were going I ended up saying yes. I think we all do it. Maybe sometimes because it is easier. Like my kid saying a little more time on the computer or TV and you know they have had enough. Well I not perfect.
There will be times I know I will say no it doesn’t always make people happy 🙁
silverneon2000 at yahoo dot com
I have been known to be the goodies girl with my kids. So when there is a treat to be made I used to always say yes…no problem. Right now I am relapsing with a chronic illness, for about the past year. I am still saying yes, and I have trouble even getting meals on the table or laundry done. I should just say no. well, that stuff is not good for you anyway, right? LOL. Next time I’m gonna just drop off some bananas or grapes. haha.
Taking in my 3 teenage brothers for 2.5 weeks last year! It definitely had its challenges.
Sometimes I asked to babysit and I am not always feeling the greatest but it is hard to say no.
my mother in law hates my parenting style.. and when we are at her house she does what she wants… i wish i could just say no its my child.. you raised yours how you saw fit… we vary rarely go over there!
i wish i could say no more to my inlaws. im very cautious about what my toddler eats and focus a lot on health but they completely disregard. blatantly. my wishes and concerns. so many times i just give in to keep the peace. i need to not do that so often!
Oh boy, just recently I said “yes” to taking on the Saturday afternoon/evening shift at work, and I really would have loved to have said no because I love the weekends for family time. 🙁
I have a hard time saying no to hosting every family dinner, celebration and function.
I should have said no to many things. Too personal to mention
oh so many things to mention … kind of different from the norm but more like when i say ‘oh it’s no problem’ when it really IS a problem that I’ve been left out of many family functions. 🙁 have to stand up for myself and not pretend it’s okay!
I say yes to the kids when they are picking up small toys or treats… I should be saying no, but they look at me with their big cute eyes.
I need to learn to say no to my ex when he tries to change our schedule for our kids last minute. I’ve cancelled my own plans last minute so many times to accommodate him & it can get frustrating!
I had just had oral surgery, and DH wanted to out for a rare family dinner. I was in a lot of pain, and couldn’t eat solid foods but I couldn’t say no to a family meal. We went to a steakhouse. I had ice chips.
When my Mother in Law insists that we visit when it is a long drive and we do not have time.
I am often asked to babysit and even though there have been times when I wanted to say no, I didn’t for fear of hurting the person.
I am a people pleaser and almost always put others before myself. If people need a place to stay, I always let them (even when they overstay their welcome); if they need a ride, I’m there; I pay for events and don’t get paid back. I need a backbone!
In my first year at a new job I did 35 days worth of overtime. I did not know how to say no and my health suffered as a result.
I wish I’d said no to one particular client of mine. I didn’t have an extra ounce of time to allocate to that client’s project … and my position has become like Sandra Bullock’s in 2 Weeks Notice.
Over Thanksgiving I felt soooo unwell with back problems but made dessert and went anyways!!! Only felt worse during and afterwards.
I said yes to sewing costumes for a recital (everyone knows I sew), and ended up so overworked and stressed, I didn’t enjoy their performance like I should have 🙁
Mine is as simple as we should have said no going to the inlaws for thanksgiving. Am I allowed to say that ;)? We had our own family stuff to deal with AT HOME. But we went anyway.
I said yes to having people over the day after I had my baby and I really wasn’t feeling up to entertaining and they stayed for way longer than I would have liked them to.
This Thursday I was asked to host Mom’s group, I really didn’t want to…but I am!
I am bad for not saying no to me, I am working on it, so I can say yes to both me and others!
No isnit really in my vocabulary, wish I used it a little more often m
I collect cans and bottles from ppl to help pay for my DD’s extra-curricular activities and allowance etc. Sometimes ppl add other things with a ‘I was hoping you could take this to the depot too’ and I never want to say no, in case then they change their minds about giving me their bottles in the first place.
I say no all the time lol I guess I should try to say yes more!
i always help :/ i need to say no more to people more!
I wanted to say no to working on a Saturday, but I said yes because the customer coming to pick up their order sounded nice on the phone. They didn’t show up. 🙁
I have such a hard time saying no to my family, im such a helpful and giving person and sometimes know Im being taken advantage of but my heart is just too big and I cant say no.
I sometimes put others before my husband and said yes when I should have said no.