I read this somewhere recently and want to print it, laminate it, and put it on my fridge so I can read it every day and remind myself of this simple yet poignant message.
Everleigh, my almost-11 month old, has been sleeping horribly for about 2 weeks now though if I’m being honest here I’ll say that she’s never slept through the night so it’s not like we were in a celebratory state about her sleep to begin with.
In sharing her sleep situation with friends I’d say, “I think she’s up about 3 times a night, but I’m not sure,” because we co-sleep so sometimes it’s a matter of reaching over for a snuggle or popping her soother back in – other times I’m completely awake getting her a bottle. And then more bottle. Because, you see, 3-4 oz is what she “thinks” she desperately needs to get back to sleep.
And I’ve tried to convince her otherwise since at 11 months old she definitely does not need a bottle overnight but this falls on stubborn-baby ears. She will scream hard if I don’t give her a bottle. It’s bad.
Last night, with my husband out of town and my sister here to visit, I decided to actually keep track of how many times she was up. Looking at it this morning made me want to cry.
So when I had a shower that’s what I did. Cried feeling sorry for myself. Cried because my baby does not sleep through the night, far from it. Cried because it’s so easy to use something like your child’s sleep as a measurement of your parenting. Cried because at that moment I decided I was a sucky mom.
With a shower and a cup of coffee behind me, I could look at everything with some fresh perspective. I know that I’m a kick-ass mom, and I know that eventually…one day…this girl will sleep through the night like my other 2 did.
We co-sleep, and I don’t…won’t…let my kids cry-it-out so I realize the road to that blissful long night of sleep is going to be longer for me. But now, in the morning with a clear head I can accept that and now work forward to figure out how to get this little babe to have a more restful night.
We have a sound machine that’s always on, she goes to bed well now but just can’t stay asleep all night long (so therefore, neither can I!)
I’d love to hear some tips and success stories on how you achieved sleep with a little one that’s closer to a year.
Yup. 1 year. In April. It’s true. The days are long but the years are short.
Sleep will come. Your quote rang so true with our life that I am stealing it for my facebook status as well. We won’t CIO either and co-sleep as often as our 2 year old wants to. It took us forever to get her to even sleep thru the night. I remember all of our friends having babies who slept at 3 months and I was thinking ‘oh gee. I wish and what am I doing wrong?” … but by 18 months she got it. I think part of it was that she was playing harder during the day and was very tired by night time. She still isn’t a great sleeper and still requires very little sleep – but she’s a healthy, happy toddler and I am a tired but very loved mama! We have a 4 month old too, and there are nights where I am up every hour with one or the other and eventually just pile them both in bed with us — that’s where they are happiest and I’ll take those sleepy snuggles while I can get them!
have you tried moving her to her own bed? it may be that when you are shifting at night you are waking her ever so slightly and that is triggering her “wake ups”? still go to her if she cries if you want to, but maybe she is just ready for her own bed. Just an idea.
.Aidan was my horrible sleeper at night for almost 2 years….up non-stop but breastfeeding at the same time too. With Ethan I did things differently..co-slept to sleep but started putting him in the pack n play beside me at about 6 months when he’d fall asleep. Then when he’d wake up, we’d nurse, then lay him back down and settle him in the pack n play. Then at 9 months (when we moved back up north) I put him in the crib, which was crazy different for us since aidan never used one! For the first little bit I had to go in and rub his back and settle him over and over and OVER again, but it worked eventually. Was freaking exhausting while doing it though. He’s been a wonderful sleeper ever since. And Aidan is now too, but took 2 years and at least the boy napped hard.
Did you co-sleep with your first 2 children? I’m curious how you eventually moved them into their own beds if you did. My son is going to 3 in June and he still sleeps in our bed. I don’t know where to start in having him sleep on his own. Good luck with Everleigh. Remember it’s not going to last forever, and you’re definitely not a “sucky mom” because of it. Soon the sleepless nights will be over and she will be a big girl no longer wanting the cuddles. I’m not looking forward to the day my son no longer crawls up on my lap wanting to cuddle and be held close :'(
Hi Becky! Yes, we co-slept with all 3 kids. I was fortunate that the older two moved to their own beds at around 2. With my first, we transitioned him by having me or my husband sit on the end of the bed doing something while he fell asleep – like reading a book, on the iphone or laptop or whatever. Just not involved in a discussion with him but still present and in the room – a safety in a sense. Then after a week or two we moved to sitting by the door while he fell asleep, then later in the hallway. A slow process but it worked! We got lucky with our second in that she shares a room with her big brother so moving her to her own bed was no big deal because she had someone else in the room with her right from the first night in her new bed.
I’ve never for a second regretted co-sleeping, it’s certainly worked for us. I don’t think there’s any set rule on how long a child should be with you – as long as you’re ok with it it works. When both of you are ready for the transition it will happen. Maybe my plan will work for you?
Frick, mine’s almost 2 and still is up at least once, sometimes 2 times. We don’t get it either. our other 2 were sleeping by now for sure, but this one….she just doesn’t want to. There are nights when she’s been awake from 3-5. then i gotta get up at 6 for work, so plenty of times i’ve been up since 3 am for the day. she’s the same, cries for milk. She’s almost 2 there is NO way she still NEEDS milk. We’ve started putting water in the sippy cup, better for the teeth as well. She still gobbles it all up so obviously she is thirsty i guess. I get so frustrated too and wonder what the hell to do. Its not that i don’t believe in letting her cry it out, but when i have 2 other kids who need sleep to function at school, its just not an option. If its between them and me going without sleep, then i guess its me.
l didn’t help you at all, but the venting has helped me feel better. sorry. i guess we will just have to take comfort in knowing we aren’t alone!! arghh.
Have you tried backing off slowly on the amount of milk you give her? With Daria she was getting up twice a night, once around 3 and then again at 6-7 for a bottle. I started backing off on the amount of milk she got in the 3am feed and decided it really wasn’t worth getting up for! Now she’s just up around 6 for a bottle. 😛 Then sometimes goes back to sleep and sometimes doesn’t! It seems sometimes that when the kids are old enough to not need a bottle in the middle of the night, it’s just a comfort thing, and if we can be trickier than them, sometimes it works. 😉
Good luck! I too am wishing my daughter slept (and napped) better, she’s horrible at *going* to sleep right now! My older was a *much* better sleeper!
I have a friend who quit giving her child a bottle at night and instead offered a cup and instead of milk or formula she gave him water, 3 nights and he slept through the night! (he was a little older, closer to 18 mons).