My son is 9 and my daughters are 6 and (almost) 3. The differences in raising boys and girls were obvious right from babyhood, yet as they get older it becomes even more apparent that each needs to be handled in a delicate, different way.
Take, for example, talking about babies.
And where they come from.
And how they get from where they come from here in our arms.
My son, ever the distractable little dude, probably asked us once or twice over the years but so far hasn’t appeared to give it much thought. And for that, I’m grateful. Yes, I know he’s nine and the topic is going to come up soon so my husband and I need to figure out how to approach it with him (moms, do you agree that we should vote in the dads for dealing with boys in this scenario?)
Now, my daughter Nevaeh (the six year old) is a much different story. She makes my heart swell when she says that when she grows up she wants to be a mom.
That’s it. And everything. A mom. Which is amazing and beautiful and makes me proud that I’m hopefully doing something right if she wants to do what I do.
We often talk about being a mom, what’s ‘fun’ about it and what isn’t so fun. She was recently informed that when she’s a mom she’ll have to have her own house (next door to me, she’s decided) and so far she’s been OK with that.
Then the other night, at the dinner table, she asked me how babies get out. Like, out of our bellies.
And since it was dinner and my husband wasn’t around for me to give a ‘help me’ look of terror to, my mind raced for the easiest, quickest and (I thought) safest answer. I had a c-section with my youngest so I went with that.
“Well, when I had Everleigh, I had a needle in my back so I wouldn’t feel anything, and then I went into an operating room and they put up a sheet so I couldn’t see, and well…they cut my belly open and took the baby out.”
Nevaeh’s eyes got wide.
“But it didn’t hurt, right,”I continued, “because I had a needle and I was frozen so I couldn’t feel it. And then they sewed me back up and that was it.”
A low howl started to escape from her throat. And then it got louder and escaped along with a flood of tears onto her plate.
“Oh my God mom! I don’t want be cut open!” she cried, and sobbed, and shook as I lept up to hug her. Thankfully, her older brother and younger sister had slowly walked out of the room, not sure what to make of the entire situation.
Left alone with her, I tried to explain that it wasn’t that bad and thought to myself, “holy crap, what if I had gone the other route to explain things??”
She asked me how old she’d have to be to have kids. I told her 30, and she tried to count how many years she had before she was cut open.
So, clearly I failed at mothering that day. And possibly traumatized my daughter and failed at sex ed and being an uber cool mom who explains everything correctly.
She hasn’t brought it up since, but I imagine she will again. How did you deal with questions, and at what age did you do so?
If anything, I think explaining a c-section again will be helpful when she’s fourteen. I’m OK with traumatizing her then.
Lol, oh dear!
I’m dreading the talk as well with my 9yr old son.
aww, honestly is best.. or is it? lol..
Mine first wanted to know how the baby got in there, at 4 years old we weren’t having that discussion. I came up with this amazing story how I write a letter to God and tell him I’d like to have a baby, he sends me a pill I take to make the baby grow inside. Then that of course was followed up by “how does the baby come out”.. again, we’re not having discussion at this point lol.. my response was “hmm good question, I’m not sure, I’m usually asleep” …… we all have a horrible time and make what we think are ‘mommy fails’. I’m sure she’ll recover ok, I sure hope you do too <3
Hahaha! Your daughter’s reaction is priceless! I had a c section with my daughter as well. She’s only 2 so thankfully I have a whilr until we have to have ‘the talk’ lol.
Schadenfreude: delighting in another person’s misfortune.
That’s how I feel after reading this story, because I know the day will come when I do the exact same thing.
This is the best, sweetest, most hilarious thing I’ve ever read! Still LOLing at the thought of the weight of the situation sinking in!
Had the exact same conversation with Jilayna. When I said”cut open” she thought the doctor cut my whole belly off. She was horrified. When I explained a bit better, she was still horrified.
We do our best, right?
I JUST had a conversation similar to this with my 4.5 year old son. He told me he wanted me to have a baby in 2 weeks.. … I told him that first mommy and daddy need to decide they are going to have another baby, and then it takes 9 months to grow….. And the the baby is born. Then he asked how the baby comes out I told him mommy goes to the doctor and he helps mommy get the baby out…… The whole conversation happened so fast…. I believe age-appropriate honesty is the most important (I would never tell my child the stork brought him to me). He kept asking questions. I explained to him what a c-section is…. And that he came out of an opening (he asked if he was born via c-section… Told him no). I told him mommy has a special place where babies come out and mommies have to work very hard…. Then Thankfully we pulled into our driveway and we were home so the conversation ended!!
Well — my daughter is 6 too, were pretty honest here (and I’m pregnant), but yesterday my daughter asked at breakfast how sperm come out to meet the eggs. I just didn’t know how to respond to that. Dad gave her an answer that satisfied her (and yes, I did overhear the word penis).
She knows that she was born my c-section and that her little sister came out of the vagina. She also knows a little about menstruation, body hair, etc.
When I was pregnant with my 3rd my 4 year old daughter had the same question and I just said ‘from the privates’ and she accepted it! but when she came to visit her new baby brother in the hospital she asked my mother ‘how did baby Brody get in mommy’s tummy’? LOL we just told her that God game him to us =) My 6 year old son has never asked…yet
Oh no! Poor girl! (And you!) One of the thing that worries me the most about being a parent in the future is having to explain things about sex! Yikes… I just don’t know how to go about it! Hopefully you figure it out and let us know before I get to that point 😉
When I had my youngest Kate, my son who was 4 asked the doctor how he gets the baby out. His response was “well you go to school for 12 years, graduate and then go to school for 7 more…” . The boy interupted with “whoa that is way too much work”
When my oldest daughter was 4 or 5 she asked, and we told her the truth, but no specifics, she looked up at me in all honesty, and said” So your a hen and Dad’s a Rooster!” Well, there went the seriousness of the talk.
Should you involve the dad in explaining things? Well, yes, ideally, but check with him first to make sure he is going to pass on accurate information. A friend of mine who was pregnant got asked by her 9-year-old, “How do babies get made?”
She sent him to his dad. Dad’s reply? “You know the baby Jesus? Yeah, that’s how your mom got pregnant. Just like that.”
I am always pretty honest but in a kid-friendly way — I was like “you are not going to believe this and it is REALLY weird, but it comes out your vagina!” It made it a funny — NO WAY OMIGOSH THAT IS CRAZY — kind of thing. I think I did say something about c-sections but I think someone had their appendix out so the idea of “surgery” didn’t seem nearly as strange as the “normal” way. 🙂
But so far (oldest is 9) the “how are they made” is just a part from mom and a part from dad, oddly enough it hasn’t gotten any further than that.
I just want the information to come from me as much as possible and I don’t want it to seem forbidden — I feel like this is the first test of whether or not they can come to me with anything, you know?
LOL! Oh no …
There isn’t really a good way to explain things to little ones. My son thinks it’s THE most disgusting thing in the entire universe to make a baby. Let’s just hope it stays that way for oh, 20 more years 😉