Recently, I read a blog post from one of my mentors, Betty-Ann Heggie, that highlighted the characteristics of people who have that IT factor. You know who they are – the people who captivate a room, who glow from the inside, and who seem to have it all together. We want to be around them. We want to BE them.
What characteristics do people like this demonstrate?
It’s all about presence, explains Betty-Ann.
“Presence simply comes to those who know who they are on the inside and have the courage to act upon it in the outside world. They seek out, and are aware of, that which has meaning and then pursue it with passion. It is this authenticity that attracts others to them.”
While many people can appear charismatic, a phony can be spotted a mile away – and no one likes a phony. We know when something is off and despite that person’s best attempts, we aren’t wooed.
To achieve true presence, we need to get out of our own way. Betty-Ann explains it in such a way that it feels like a recipe for success, a process to build it and create something hot out of the oven!
We get more by doing more, especially when we rise to the occasion to accept a challenge. All actions become easier with practice, and eventually, we will acquire competence. Still, confidence alone is not enough to manifest presence. It must be motivated by and reinforced with caring and compassion. When we connect with others in a way that makes both parties feel good we will feel the glow.
Of course, this isn’t inherently easy or everyone would achieve it. Betty-Ann agrees, saying that presence would fetch a high price could it be bottled and sold but for most, acquiring this equanimity proves elusive. Perhaps having her recipe for success, explained further in her blog post here, will be just the key for someone reading this.
I’m trying to embrace Betty-Ann’s advice in getting out of my own way, by getting out of my own head! I wanted to find a way to gain presence and am trying yoga for the first time ever. I can’t touch my toes, am terribly uncoordinated, and feel like a giraffe among little birds, but I’m doing it! It’s definitely a way to get those negative voices out of my head, when it’s time to center and focus. Namaste!
Do you know someone who has presence? Who captivates a room, an online following even, or someone who you admire because they radiate a love and passion for what they do? What are you doing to get in the way of yourself doing that too? How can you work to get out of your own way? Betty-Ann looks at all of this in her latest blog post here, and we’ve got a giveaway to get the discussion going below!
We’ve got a $100 PayPal Giveaway to share with readers. Use it to do something for you, to work towards getting out of your own way and head towards success, whatever that means to you! Simply enter your name and email address below and click BEGIN!
I am also uncoordinated, but I really enjoy yoga and find it does get you out of your own head and aids flexibility. It is all about practice and just feeling good about where you are.
Having quiet time in the afternoon helps me keep organized.
I think everyone doing yoga feels like the giant giraffe amoung the little birds.
I read or take a hot bath to get out of my head, sometimes both at the same time.
Being more grateful and spending time focusing on that.
For the New year hubby and i started yoga and i love it ,I am so focused it really helps me stay organized.
trying to focus on the task at hand helps me keep organized
I guess what stops me is fear and a feeling of being stuck. To overcome this I can try something new that allows me to step outside of my comfort zone.
I am constantly feeling stuck so thinking of the joys and blessings that my family gives me helps to centre me.
Making time to do all the things I keep doubting my potential on.
Honestly back and neck pain , I have been going to yoga And physio it’s helping .
I need to build some self confidence and find some time for myself to reach my goals.
I often procrastinate, especially starting something new. After some thinking I figured It’s because I’m afraid I won’t be able to finish it (not enough time or skills), so I postpone it until the time I’m ready. And often that time never comes. I haven’t found a solution for this yet…
procrastination is my biggest opsticle
the fear of failure, sadly. I think Im better trying to do it all or die trying than not do it all 🙁
The fear of doing something the wrong way, i guess whatever happen happens.
My internal monologue is stopping me. I have to get moving to drown it out.
I need to get out of my own way by just trying things, instead of reading about them.
this is a constant struggle with me. I try to just relax with nothing but white noise and some oils in my diffuser to clear my mind
the fear of failure holds me back, I get in my head about it, it stresses me out & I talk myself out of it
My impatience gets in my own way.
I try to overcome my fears and do stuff that I am uncomfortable with!
I just completed the whole 30 challenge, just to prove that I could do it.. Nutrition and fitness are my passion.. It was well worth the try, mind and body I feel fantastic..
Taking the time for myself stops me.
I’m an anxious person. I have to say since I’m retired, it’s less stressful. I love nature and I try to calm myself by connecting with nature… Walking outside. taking life at a slower paste.
I think I know too many people (primarily at work) who have such a negative presence that it scares me to be more outspoken in case i am lumped with them. i need to be myself but a confident version of that.
My anxiety is stopping me. I worry about things that no one else even gives a second thought to. It consumes me sometimes. I know it holds me back so much but I haven’t been able to overcome it yet…but I’m not about to give up. I use meditiation and distraction for the most part.
Self doubt, a change in thinking is needed.
For me, I am ill with a variety of conditions, they cause me a lot of pain! Yoga is difficult but not if meditation and controlled deliberate movements are used even to get into position! No aggressive stuff for me, but accomplishing any yoga is like climbing Everest. And provides a peace and deep contentment. That is freedom. Rarely found.
Just get out of my own head and do it!
I like having quiet time for myself once in a while!
I definitely procrastinate way more often than I should.
I just need to put my mind to something in order for me to do it!!! I do not tend to procrastinate but there is the odd thing I do procrastinate with!
Fear of failure to achieve perfection sometimes holds me back. I can be a perfectionist and think that if I can’t do things perfectly, why do them at all? I am learning that sometimes “good enough” is just fine, and that others don’t even realize what I think is wrong/missing. It’s a work in progress.
reading to get out of my head really helps
Just letting myself stop thinking … now that would be nice.
I find breaking things into smaller tasks gives me momentum and confidence to finish the job.
For me, I’m learning to stop worrying about what others think. They don’t need to know.
I’m practicing being grateful for where I am.
I need to be better at practicing mindfullness and taking time to do this, especially in stressed out moments.
Fear of failure is usually what is stopping me from trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone. I have quite high expectations for myself so if I don’t reach nearly my expectations I feel defeated. I don’t have the motivation as I did when I was younger too so I feel like I can’t commit enough of my time and energy to achieve my standards – therefore I don’t even set them anymore to begin with.
I have trouble finding the time for everything I want/ need to do. And balancing the wants and needs!!!! But this is definitely something I need to figure out. Its all about priorities right?!
I could get out of my own way by not second guessing myself on decisions I made.
Doing aquafit really helps me get out of my own way!
I read a book of get out of my own way.
I like spending some time just to relax and clear the mind. Sometimes it’s reading other times it’s a long walk.
I experienced this confidence while volunteering. When doing something selfless in service and being wrapped up in the passion of doing good, I think I unknowingly exuded a confidence and presence in my actions. I did not focus on my self and therefore acted without hesitation and made decisions quickly and easily. I need to remind myself to apply this experience to other areas of my life so I can continue to experience this fulfillment and satisfaction. Second guessing myself and focusing on all the ‘what ifs’ holds me back. I can get out of my own way by remembering to simply try my best and also how important it is to take that first step. I want to be more of a doer and less of a thinker. LOL
I haven’t really thought about it but now I’m going to. Its hard to have confidence but working towards it is the first step.
Finding time to calm my mind
How I work to get out of my own way is by finishing what I have started before starting something else.
My fear of failure holds me back.
Get these out of the way Anxiety, fear of failure, so that I can be more positive, also daily exercise helps
my own self always gets in the way, I have fibro and depression so I’m always struggling with that.
I get in my own way by making excuses and complaining instead of using my energy to just go for it.
I think that I would put this towards a writing class. I lack focus, it would be nice to be accountable to a group.
I am starting a beginners yoga and a strength class inApril. I think they will help me feel better about myself.
I need to start exercising but I always say I am too tired. Now I say, just do 5 mins of something and if still tired, I can quit, but once the blood starts pumping, I go longer then the 5 mins.
I really do definitely procrastinate and I need to stop it
staying organized can be a challenge
I started taking yoga classes and I find for that one hour I am fully present in the moment and I just let my ego go.
My evening quiet time before bed really helps centre me.
Overthinking a situation is my problem instead of just doing it.
I often am frozen by the thought that if I can’t do it correctly then I can’t do it at all – nothing short of perfection will do 🙁
Living in the moment helps me get out of my own way.
like to go hiking in nature
I have a lot of self doubt stemming from false limiting beliefs so i am working on getting rid of those .
I’m very afraid to do almost anything risky, as I had tried something that didn’t work out, and now I’m skittish. I try to focus on what can make doing a few things that I would like to but am afraid to for one reason or another, to get past the hurdle.
Going for daily walk and yoga helps me stay on track
what is stopping me is my own self doubt, it is not that I can’t do it but that I have too much negative self talk.
I have to start the day with positive affirmations and remind myself that I am capable.
I am a very impatient person, when I want something done it has to be done right now, drives my son crazy, I get over anxious at time but I blame my pain meds for that, I try to just sit back and relax til this passes, I try to let things be instead of always nagging someone to get it done now
I think fear and anxiety is what stops me. I am trying to work on it by putting myself into situations that I am uncomfortable with more often so I will hopefully will feel better about myself and prove that I can do it. In social situations I tend to be shy so I need to force myself to talk more and interact with people I don’t know, got to stop letting myself stop me.
I need to believe that I can.
Sometimes fear & anxiety hold me back and I do have a lack of confidence in areas like taking on more responsibilities at work or pushing myself through a committed exercise plan. I find that a visual chart board with the goals I want to achieve is helping me but I need to do it in baby steps so it’s not so overwhelming.
I am afraid of failure I think. I admire Betty Ann as she is a doer. I need to believe in myself and not give up so easily.
I often doubt my abilities and let myself talk me out of doing anything new. The times I have actually not listened to my doubts I have succeeded and others have appreciated what I have done. I am getting better about not doubting myself and just doing what I want to do.
I try to relax and stay focus.. I am often too busy that I don’t take time to sort things out..
I do keep a daily agenda that helps to keep me on track..
I try to stay focused on what I am doing to get it done because otherwise I can get multi-tasking to no end.I get distracted with too many jobs on the go.I have to wrap my head around what I am doing and stay with it until I finish it.
I have gotten so much better as I’ve gotten older…I don’t get in my own way nearly as much due to my shyness that veiled my confidence. I exert myself more comfortably.
Fear of failing, that is the hardest for me, somehow I just need to believe more in myself and listen to my close ones more!
I just need to start. I’ve had an idea for a blog for a few years, and have the hosting/Wordpress theme all ready to go. I just need to start writing. Once I’m over that hump, I think I’ll be golden.
By not being afraid to speak my mind.
A lot of time, I give myself a lot of excuses, like I am too stress out, tired, running out of time, lots on my hands etc. I think I really afraid that I will lose or not going anywhere. The only way to overcome is to tell myself that no matter what, give it a try, don’t care about the outcome
I lack self confidence and have begun to feel awkward around other people. Over the years it has worsened but I think I need to start by just getting out there a little at a time. I recently took a painting class at our community centre…
I love the leather pocket leggings!
I need to push past my fears of failure and inadequacy and give myself a chance to try.
I think I let fear stop me sometimes. I need to push myself to try new things more.
I’m working to get out of my own way in accepting all invitations. I usually refuse because I’m too shy.
Stop from making excuses and just doing it.
I have to get passed my demons to get there.
I am a terribly shy person so i have a lot of issues being comfortable to be myself and i am working on my confidence to do this
Thank you. Being grateful…
Counting my blessings.
My own fears stop me a lot; I think just finding courage could be very benefical
I tell the kids they can do anything, but I have always not felt this of myself. So I try being with others that do things I don’t think I can, then join in, and it works most times.
I find the older that I get the less I care about what others think. This in turn gives me a lot more confidence. I used to be shy, couldn’t ask where the restroom was in a public place for fear of being judged. Now I am definitely a lot more confident in my own skin and don’t constantly need everyone else’s approval.
Definitely some me time, even if it’s 10 min and being able to go to the bathroom by myself without being interrupted
I find i need to get out of my head by trying out new things and stepping out of my comfort zone! This has helped me to grow over the years. I have also decided to practice more self love this year!
I have trouble finding things I’m truly passionate about. I’ll have lots of little ideas, but am not good at seeing the big picture.
Self-doubt is definitely holding me back. I need to power through it and realize that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Prioritizing myself last is what’s standing in my way.
Anxiety and fear tend to stop me from doing things I want to do sometimes. Believing more in my abilities and taking time to breathe help push me forward.
Just get started! Sometimes, that’s all it takes for me. Once I’m going, I’m okay. It’s convincing myself to take that first step!
I think the negative way of thinking is in my way. I have lots of self doubt and insecurities that I need to work through. But I’m not sure how to do so.
I could get out of my own way by building self confidence, I’m hesitant in making decisions fear making mistakes.
don’t know haven’t figured that out yet
I worry too much! I need to just relax and focus on the day to get through!
shyness! I’m taking steps to work on this…. forcing myself out of my comfort zone in small ways daily. I also am volunteering and taking on leadership roles in things that interest me == more confidence
I need to push myself to open up more
I have a large corkboard at my front door without it I would be lost!