If you’ve been a long time reader of this blog, you know that I regularly share content and conversation starters from my friend and mentor Betty-Ann Heggie. Her Womentorship program at the Edwards School of Business in Saskatoon, SK is based on the idea of women helping women – what a beautiful thing!
In 2017, it’s already been demonstrated that what it means to help women is in the eye of the beholder. Whether you marched with women in the recent Women’s March, or declared that this is Not My March, what saddened me is that instead of uniting women together, a difference of opinions created a divide.
At the end of the day, we are all one and working towards various goals, but the strength and perseverance of woman are attributes we all possess within our gender. In Betty-Ann Heggie’s latest blog post, she dives deeper into a fundamental principle that she teaches – Gender Physics. We all have certain characteristics typical to our gender, but by reaching over to the opposite gender’s characteristics and using them when needed, we can find success not only in business but in our households as well.
In the past, says Betty-Ann, “Women taught to avoid risk have been reluctant to access their masculine traits and put up their hands to volunteer for stretch assignments, thus missing opportunities to be seen as leaders. Meanwhile, men discouraged from the display of feminine traits, avoid feeling their own feelings and so have difficulty relating to the feelings of others, the basis of all meaningful relationships.” Today, both women and men are learning how to use characteristics of the opposite gender to help them both personally and professionally.
Continues Betty-Ann, “t is no different than running water from the faucet. To quench your thirst, you turn on the cold water. To take a relaxing bath, you turn on the hot water. To ensure that it isn’t getting so hot that you burn yourself you put your hand under the water and adjust the temperature by adding more cold. Using both gender energies is the same; it is finding the right temperature to flourish. There will be times that you should use masculine attributes and situations where feminine ones will be best. Each of must learn to adjust. To add a little cold, followed with a little hot when needed.”
I LOVE this analogy to explain Gender Physics! Even as a parent I know there are ways I need to utilize one approach more than another, depending on the situation at hand. While my husband is typically more loud and the disciplinarian, there are times, especially with my daughters, that he needs to be more gentle and soft in his approach. While I’m the one who soothes the hurt feelings and snuggles more, there are times when I need to take a more stern approach like their father. Interesting how many of us do these things without even realizing we’re utilizing Gender Physics.
You can read more about Gender Physics in Betty-Ann’s latest post on her blog here, and continue the conversation below. We’re giving readers the chance to win a $100 Starbucks Gift Card this month!
I was never one to be to hard or stern with the kids, but my hubby at the time thought any bad deed the kids they should be punished or something taken away, I recall one time my son went into my wallet as he needed like 55 cents for some book at school, he did this without telling me and his father found out and grounded him for a wk, I thought it was a bit harsh but he said he needed to learn not to go into my wallet.
Being a single parent I had to do both roles, firm when he was doing sometime wrong and cuddling when he was good.
When my husband, who work away from home 2 weeks each month, spoke to the kids when needed and the kids listened. I spend more time with them and most times my word meant nothing even though I think I did a great job raising them.
I’ve always been in the middle, so it’s hard to pinpoint one time. I’m a tough, competitive stern person as well as nurturing, loving and gentle. I guess it depends on the situation.
When I had been in sales, there were a number of things many of us, including me, were not accomplishing. We received some training, and we were guffawing at some of it, which gave us examples of properly being assertive, which radiated more confidence, when done right. I was shocked that it worked! And have tried to incorporate more in my life, not the little girlish, reticent thing that can sometimes feel more comfy when you are a short teeny peanut like me.
I am rather mild mannered but when my family’s rights are infringed upon, I do become very assertive. On one occasion another woman told me I was very intense. Quite the opposite of my personality, but a quality I needed to assert to be given respect and equallity for my family.
I am mild mannered but i can be tough when the occasion calls for it and when my kids were young there were occasions..
I’m usually a softie but when the time arrives that my girls have been out of line the other Mom steps in and the girls know that they better change their attitude..thank goodness it doesn’t happen often
In our household, I play the cuddler and soother of pain and my hubby is the disciplinarian. This might be an old setup but it does work in our family and we are not confusing the kids with our roles.
I sometimes act super direct, bossy or unapologetic at work, in order to be heard and/or respected. This is not how I normally act, but I find it sometimes is required to get on the same playing field as men at the workplace.
Men can in my opinion compartmentalize easier feelings. Learning to do his has helped me sort through situations easier.
I can say for myself I have to deal with medical personal on a regular basis and because I’m physically disabled they feel for some reason that my brain doesn’t work either. They will try to manipulate or push me around but I was taught young to push back and the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so I’m really squeaky. I will flat out tell someone off if it comes down to what I need.
In a work environment with mostly men I need to do like them quite often. Interesting concept – definately gets me thinking about how to use it to achieve results I want!
I’m tge strict one with our daughter I think sometimes it’s the dad that’s more stern
I once met this really sexy guy at a bathhouse in Vancouver who would only fuck me if I screamed like a woman the whole time.
when i managed a store i had to man up if you know what i mean
My husband and I seem to switch back and forth on the gender spectrum. When my oldest was a baby, even though I had a year mat leave, I went back to work when she was 4 months and my husband took over the bulk of her care since he worked odd hours. This created a really strong bond between them which I think is great for a teen girl to have now!
i am usually a quiet person, but when it comes to my family and friends that are being ‘attacked’ by whatever means, I am like a bear protecting her cubs
I’m pretty assertive all the time, which is, unfortunately, gender atypical.
I find I use both feminine and masculine characteristics frequently but this varies depending on the context, exact situation, and specifically what is required at the time (whether it be parenting, professionally, etc.). I feel that both types can be effective, but the exact situation itself dictates what is needed (and often an appropriate balance of the two is key to many situations). I agree that it has traditionally generally been easier for women to embrace both types of characteristics, it is a very positive change that this is beginning to be more embraced for men and boys as well! 🙂
at work, the number of males are greater than females. I feel like i’m always challenged but hae learned their respect now.
I was always the one that stuck to the punishment (grounding) and once Janet missed an important event but my husband always caved in to anything they did, they knew mom meant what she said
I am usually very mild mannered but when pushed I can be very assertive!
Definitely at work – I channel my inner-risk taker – it took me a long time to get comfortable doing that but I’m always glad when I do.
Even though I’m quiet in nature I tend to be the stern firm voice at home when it comes to household rules. I carry authority I guess. It depends all on the situation. A person of good character should be at balance whatever your gender in my opinion.
I think in training dogs, I’ve had to use more stereotypically “male” traits in order to become the alpha of the pack.
I was a single parent for a while before marrying my current husband, so I had to play both roles in our household for a while and that never goes away so I still play a part of both roles.
I consider being confrontational to be more of a male trait; but I did stand up for myself and another when confronted by a very difficult patient at work while others were too nervous to do the same. It achieved the results we needed and everyone was happy
I find that I need to be soft when parenting my kids. At work, I need to be an authority figure and working in a ‘usual’ male dominating field – I need to be tough.
When it comes to disciplining our kids, I have always been the tougher one. My husband is always gentle and soft spoken with the kids so I feel like I have to be more assertive when they need discipline. It’s odd because I am the least assertive person I know in every other aspect of life and I was raised in a household where dad was the disciplinarian.
I honestly don’t think I ever did… (actively used a characteristic typical of my opposite gender, I mean). It would require some unusual circumstances for me to try that, though I feel it can be scary and exhilarating at the same time.
I am a single parent so I have to be the one to give the cuddles but also the one who has the be the stern parent. It was a difficult transition at first as before I was mostly the softer one but I’ve got it now. 🙂
I am a tad stern but I also have a soft side I get things done right the first time by this
I am having trouble trying to think about a time, I guess training our puppy might be a time since I had to be a bit more authoritative at times during training to let her know that I was the boss not her.
I am typically the most stern with the kids. I also was the parent who horsed around with them. I tend more towards my father’s parenting style but I am up for kids snuggles too.
I don’t think that one parent should always be the disciplinarian or the nurturer. I feel like this limits how close the child is to one parent and sacrifices another trustworthy adult whom they can talk to in those really difficult teenage years.
When I became a single parent, I had to take charge and figure out how to bring in an income and raise my son.
Actually I have. I needed someone to come do something and is the past…. I would just ask. This time, I just did not ask but commented on the point that this particular thing needed to be done and done now.
My answer came back immediately… and it was done.
I am usually the softy in my family unless it comes to protecting my children than I can be quite the opposite.
I cannot really as I think that I have traits from both.
As a single parent I am the person to discipline my children. Growing up it was my dad who was the sole person to enforce discipline. Also I have had to take a course on restraints for my child with special needs in case he gets overly aggressive, it is a similar course to one police officers take, which I felt was more masculine.
I don’t really associate my characteristic with genders, I’m just myself, a sensitive sometime very outspoken person. I could be stern and very soothing when needed. I don’t associate that with genders but more with my personality!
When I was younger I generally accepted what I was told and was the softie while my spouse was stricter and frequently questioned things but as I got older I started advocating for my family, myself, and clients and even other issues. But I am still a softie in many ways.
My husband and I both work full time. We both share in the cooking and cleaning and while I am usually the cuddler with our girls – there are times when the roles are reversed. It’s not anything gender specific it is more personality.
I can be strict and lay down the law.
At school, I showed that I can be a part of the gaming club and girls can like video games too.
As a woman, I also like activities that are more targeted to men.
When I was in grade 5, I staged a protest in my public school against a teacher. Never done before.
I tend to rely a lot more on facts vs. emotions in order to make decisions. I’ve been told that, that makes me seem “cold” but when the men I work with do it it’s normal. That being said, because I have facts it makes it easy to justify the decisions I’ve made so it usually yields very positive results!
i check other guys out, and im not gay
One time at work, a co-worker of mine backed out of a project and I was the only one to step up and fill his role. Nobody was expecting me to because these kinds of projects were usually given to the men of the company.
I definitely needed to use a more masculine approach to my job. Unfortunately that can backfire when people feel you are out of your gender role.
I’m the soft and sensitive type, but sometimes I get aggressive.
my husband works a lot and doesn’t like to be the “mean parent” as he refers to it so I have to step up and be the disciplinarian and mom and everything else — I have had to fix things often because I was tired of waiting for things to get done
I can be stern with the kids as needed
I don’t
At work i did the heavy lifting just like the boys
I used some car lingo (hubby told me what to say) when I took my car in for an oil change and they wanted me to get more stuff done. They seemed surprised I knew what was going on, so… back off!
There are many parts of my life in which i’m trying to be a little more tough skinned so to speak. When dealing with new people at work I’ve found it very helpful to not take things personally. My s.o. doesn’t let much phase him and taking a page out of his book a little more often can only lead to good things.
There’s been many an occasion of making men feel “strong” and “tough”.
I think that sometimes as a man I do not reassure and offer enough confidences in my family and friends. I think this is a great trait and I will use it more. Thanks to all the ladies out there.
I was assertive and spoke my beliefs without a meek voice in a conversation with a former manager about how we organized
A project.
She respected me but at first was taken aback.
Thanks!
I’m quite assertive and bossy which is sadly not typical for a woman
I am light hearted for the most part but I do get stern when the kids are doing things they shouldn’t be.
I am mild mannered but i can be tough when needed
Well considering I have been doing every single thing by myself and have done so since conception, ( been years ), my lines of gender physics is muddled , so I really have no set example . I have to be the stern and loving all the time . The guider , the protector . I have to be the one to catch the bugs and creepy crawlies and teach my son they are harmless.
I used a more aggressive approach with a male voice worker and it worked.
When I pushed back on my salary and asked for an increase as I was way underpaid. They say men usually push back on salary negotiations and rarely women. I found it hard to be demanding but at some point, it was necessary.
I balance being a parent.
I am a softie . It’s tough for me for me to be otherwise.
It’s hard for me to pinpoint a time when I did this but I would say in my working days I could be more stern.
I recently posted a couple items for sale over the internet, which is something my husband usually takes care of. When responding to people I very specifically thought about how my husband would handle it- stern, no nonsense- and approached it his way. I have a tendency towards a softer approach but the results were much better this time around!
My hubby is the “fix it man” in the house. BUT, he had a business trip and our oldest son plugged the toilet. Usually he would fix it but I had too figure it out. I tried the plunger without results. Then I went on the internet for help. I poured dish soap into the toilet and let it sit for one hour. Came back and flushed, and it worked! I was so happy!
virtually every time im put in charge of a task at work (closing up, monitoring others, dealing with customer service) i try and put on a stoic firmness that feels masculine only bc its contradicting of my normal character.
I have found there is a certain assertion that needs to be followed in any managerial position. Definitely a male trait, but necessary to be taken seriously. Feel like a bitch when I’m in that mode. It doesn’t feel genuine.
When my husband spoke to the kids when needed and the kids listened.
I’ll stand up for myself & my husband if I think he’s brushing something off. He’s much nicer than am I.
I am getting much better at being assertive, which sadly I view as more of a male trait. My husband is so good at being the soft, gentle loving space for my kids, though. He rocks!
I had to be the tough one in the family as my husband spent a lot of hours working and didn’t want to face disagreements at home. The kids also knew that they were not to go to the other parent for a different answer.
My husband works away, so sometimes I have to play both roles.
I usually is a quiet and obey to parents kind of a girl. But now, sometimes, when I want to stand firm on my ground when my mom wants me to go the other direction, I would become totally different and argue with her aggressively
when working in sales
I honestly think I am a good balance of both all the time. i am very emotional but also VERY logical and I think it serves me well in my every day life!
I try to be assertive in my career.
I think I’m more of a good cop than a bad cop, I’m a big softie and a nuturier
I tend to be soft and compassionate, but it seems most days I end up using my stern disciplinarian side to deal with my kids, which is often seen as the males job.
Usually I am a softy too but when when a one of the boy’s started crying because they lost a baseball game I had to step up to the plate & tell them – sometimes you win & sometimes you lose and you have to take it all in stride.
When nannying I am very often the good cop.
when I buy a car, I make sure not to get pushed over by knowing what I want in a vehicle.
It works well when I’m trying to merge – if I just head on into the lane, no one opposes me and I get let in. If I wait politely with my turn signal on, I’ll be there forever!
I’m usually soft but when I encounter something unfair I can get quite assertive.
As a single mom I tend to play both mom and dad quite often, jumping between male traditional, more direct and stern approaches, and more nurturing ones.
I can go from stern and strict to compassionate and loving, depends on the need and situation.
I usually get walked all over by people, but I spoke my mind finally just like the hubby does all the time, and folks started to back off and realize I do have feelings and was tired of getting crapped on, thanks.
I’m assertive and take charge at work. No matter if thee people working under me are male or female.