Look to Pinterest or Facebook on any given day and you’re likely to find more than a few inspirational quotes on learning from mistakes, achieving our best against the odds or tools on becoming our best self. While they sound good in theory, how many of us can say that we actively seek constructive criticism and then once received, appreciate the critique or correction?
In her latest blog post on BettyAnnHeggie.com and Huffington Post, Betty Ann Heggie explores why the best female leaders actively seek out constructive criticism. You see, these women have learned that making mistakes and then receiving correction is actually a good thing; constructive criticism helps them grow and improve rather than bring them down.
Betty Ann suggests that receiving constructive criticism is scary for most women because we’ve been taught from an early age to be perfect (good girls sit quietly, perfect hair, good grades, etc.) and that it’s easier to simply create a perfect facade than actively seek criticism and ways to improve. I would have to agree!
I’ve learned that when I’m trying something new, outside my comfort zone, seeking criticism will only serve to help me grow and get better. In fact, I will ask for it from people who are more experienced than me because I know that the only way to learn is to determine what I’m doing right (and keep doing that!) and what I’m doing wrong (and figure out how to fix it). Of course, it doesn’t always feel great to be told that there are areas where you could do better (the Type A personality I have wants to be the best!) but I appreciate when my mentors see these fixable areas in me – it means they’re paying attention.
Concludes Betty Ann in her post, “Each of us can benefit from seeking constructive criticism to expand our performance and be the best version of ourselves. All we have to do is use constructive narrative to separate our performance from our self-worth.”
That’s where we all struggle, I’m sure, and what we have to learn to get past – we need to see constructive criticism not as a shot at our value and worth, but as a tool to grow and succeed. It’s not necessarily easy to do, but like all things that take a bit of work and dedication, the pay off is well worth it.
This month, we’re asking readers to share a time when they learned from a mistake – whether it was a major faux pas that taught them a lesson, or a time when constructive criticism helped them grow. Then, one reader will WIN $100 PayPal to put towards bettering themselves. This is my favorite part – what you do with that money is up to you! A new outfit to make you feel amazing, some new books to help you grow, or even a coffee card to treat yourself to a little indulgence each day – it’s all about giving to yourself and, yes, being your best self even without those Pinterest quotes to guide you!
Hmmmm …. Make sure you are wide awake when you are baking so you don’t accidentally use salt instead of sugar. It HAS happened to me!!
When I was doing too much for my son i finally realise that i needed to stop for him to become indepedent.
A mistake I made was trying to “help” someone who I thought was my friend but as it turned out she was just using me. I finally had to admit I had made a mistake by being her friend and had to break it off.
I made the mistake of helping someone who did not really want the help. I was the one who got hurt in the end. Lesson learned I guess. 🙁
I learned not to trust people the hard way!
I learned to never trust public transport to get you to a meeting on time!
Pretty much every day but probably the biggest was moving away from home all for a guy only for that relationship to fall completely apart!
I learned not to stay up at night to finish assignments. I need my sleep lol.
When I contnue to strive for perfection but end up getting friustrated in the process. Don’t let perfect get in the way of great.
Early on in my business it was hard to take criticism about my work. I would try to think positive about it. Now I can as I know everyone can use some improvements and it always helped out in the end result.
I have made the mistake of trusting gossip I hear of someone which may negatively change my view of that person. I have learned that it is important to get the facts straight from the person in question to clear up any untruths.
When I opened my business, I learned the hard way how to NOT market and advertise my business. Now with my new business getting ready to go I will take the mistakes of the past and correct them going forward!
I was all of 16 and competed in high level gymnastic in Toronto. During the finals for all round competition, I was warming up on the beam with a tremendous leap and came down hard, injuring the inside of both thighs, bleeding and all. My coach wanted to pull me from the competition but. I decided to go on with the show..it wasn’t pretty but I won second overall to a sweet girl who went on to compete in the next Olympics! What I learned that day and try to teach my own children is to never give up even when odds are against you, to pick yourself up, take a deep breath and fight on! Set your goal, learn from your mistakes, take that constructive criticism and roll with it! 🙂
wow, so many things come to mind, but the biggest is not to get involved in business with family
Ive learned my value and strength from a bad relationship – so I guess not recognizing either was my mistake!
My biggest mistake was not trusting my own instincts and going with my gut.
I have finally learned to stay out of my sisters problems as i seem to get sucked in and blamed when things go south!
Worrying over things that I have no control and turning out to be no big deal. Now I just try and take one day at a time.
I’ve learned that I can’t control or force people to make good decisions as hard as it may be to watch them fall. Let go.
I learned that some people are not worth giving second, third or fourth chance to, my neighbours have been loud and rude since they moved in 4 yrs ago, I tried being nice and putting up with their noise, asking them to keep it down but found out the only way for them to be a bit quieter was to call the police and put in a complaint, and of course they continue to do it so I have to keep warning them, big headache
After I had my first child and was feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted, a nurse actually told me to take some time for myself and go and do something really fun. She even called me to make sure I had done this. Best advice ever. I felt like a new person, recharged and ready to go. I have never forgotten her helpful constructive criticism.
I learned not to do business with family and I learned that the hard lose money way.
So many, hard to pick just one. LOL But one time in a meeting I spoke up with a very picky ciient when I shouldn’t have. I learned to temper my comments and things went well from then on.
I got constructive critisicm about how I was too nice and let people walk all over me. It really helped to show me I needed to be more tough and less sensitive
I learned that some people are negative no matter what, and not to let them bring you down.
I’d like to think that I’m learning from my mistakes all the time raising kids. It just makes me sad sometimes to realize that my oldest serves as a guinea pig in that…
I hit a car trying to parallel park once. I learned that I should not parallel park anymore and now I just find a different spot HAHA
I learned from my mistakes by marrying my first husband!!
accepting a job when your gut is telling you not to
I learned from my mistakes by listening to others’ advice.
For me it was not believing in myself when I was younger. As we get older you realize people don’t know you as good as you think! I saw in myself the end goal for me & followed it even though people never thought I could get there by myself! Enjoying my early retirement now!
Ive learned to pick my battles with my toddler
Being in a relationship with a person who was only with me so that he can get closer to somebody else 🙁
a few time was just too trusting and it did not work out well..learned from my experiences!
I learned that I need to trust my instinct and not what others around me are saying. From my experience at work. I know what I am capable of doing and no matter how hard others push me I need to stand my ground. I made the mistake of going with a recommendation from a co-worker, but I didn’t feel good about it.
I worked with someone who used to take advantage and pass off my ideas their own. I learned that I had to just avoid the questions asked and be really vague so they couldn’t take credit for things they had not done.
This is something I had a discussion about with my youngest son who has anxiety issues. He is afraid of making mistakes and being seen making them. I tell him that if we don’t make mistakes, we don’t learn and improve and we stop ourselves from doing what we want for fear of failure. I’ve learned from so many mistakes and if I had to pinpoint one, it would be doing squats during my workouts wrong. Someone kindly corrected me and now I get better results.
Not to use gas to start a fire
Once at work I made the mistake of gossiping with coworkers. Of course what I said eventually reached the ears of the person I was talking about and it came back to bite me. I have learnt to be more discreet in the workplace and to avoid griping sessions.
I’ve learned to “let things go” which I struggled with and the need to be “perfect”. It was leading me to more unhappiness than good. Being too hard on myself and realizing I was hurting myself on top of the struggle and challenge I was already facing was huge for me and just newly discovered I might add. Not everything is my fault..including my illness.
Oh, I am constantly leaning from mistakes. Sometimes, the problem is to change old habits and move on.
my ex husbad taught me to never settle and to think twice before you make the biggest mistake of youre life
I’m not good at learning from my mistakes. I tend to make the same ones over & over again.
Ive learned I should prepare ahead ….. otherwise all the things will mess up.
When you help others and you do everything for this person but they don’t return the favor.
I put on wayyy too much eye make up when I was younger. My mom told me so, but I didn’t listen. I did listen when a boy at school told me it looked better without all the “gunk” on my eyes, lol 😉
I learned not to take things at face value. made a few mistakes and now I investigate a bit instead of jumping in blindly
i learned that ignoring the warning signs wasn’t a good idea when my marriage fell apart.
i was much smarter in choosing my next partner and i also don’t accept things that aren’t okay.
Make sure you actually have all of the ingredients before you start! It’s hard to make a birthday cake if you’re nearly out of flour…
Constantly learning from my mistakes, it is how I grow. Usually, any time I feel myself stuck in a repetitive cycle I need to analyze and look for patterns that are keeping me stagnant.
Man, I learn from my mistakes every single day. This past weekend I learned that while it’s good to stick up for friends… it’s also good to quit going on and on about it, because you’ll just make people angry.
i quit a job i should have stayed at but live and learn and move on
Getting credit cards as a young student, paid for that mistake for years. Thank god it’s long behind me now, and I understand credit!
I have learnt to not trust anyone not even close friends
I had a horrible, abusive boyfriend when I was just out of high school. I learned that I deserve much better than that.
Leaving stuff to the last minute always ends in disaster for me. I don’t do this anymore. I plan ahead for everything now.
I learned the old saying is true, Blood is thicker than water.
I learned not to lend money out
I learned to put love first over career. I had an amazing career opportunity and I chose to leave home to pursue it than to stay and be with my bf at that time. I ended up regretting it but I think I have finally came to terms with my decision now.
I have learned not to believe everything you hear or read. Wait for the facts and find out for yourself before passing judgment.
I loaned a friend a fair amount of money during an emotional (and brainless) time and I have yet to be paid back, five years later, despite all kinds of promises otherwise. I will never do that again, believe me.
I learned to stay in the kitchen when your cooking. I burned dinner when I had people over.
I learned to not take chances when sick people say they’re fine. My stubborn father is a cancer survivor but is still recovering. We read between the words now and call the doctor anyway. He’s doing great though. =D
I forgot the cardboard under my frozen pizza when I put it in the oven and almost burned down the house! Definitely learned to double and triple check after that!
That I need to take time from my kids (I’m a stay at home mom) to hang with my friends every once and a while
When a teacher in school told me I was not talented at art I at first felt really bad about it. After thinking about it I went from being sad to mad and decided to prove her wrong. I practiced a lot, got books on painting and studied. I made a lot of mistakes in my pursuit but learned from them all. Although I will never be a famous artist I have done a lot of painting and crafts that others have enjoyed and even made money with my art.
I am learning to pause before sending a message when upset. I have not regretted taking a step back to reconsider or reword my thoughts…it’s a good thing to collect yourself.
I learned saying sorry goes a long way in making life better!
I learned that you learn from making mistakes and that you need to own up to them and you will feel better about yourself. That is a way you grow from them .
I learned that you can never be to sure and it is okay to ask for help.
I learned that life can be tough, but my mom prepared me.
I learned from a mistake at work; I acknowledged where I went wrong and took ownership for my error.
I always learn from my mistakes whether it be at home, in my relationships, or at work. Its the only way not to repeat mistakes and to grow as a person.
Recently while shopping I got distracted and ended up losing $190. I’ve learned to be more careful with my money (it was for Christmas presents, and I’d been saving up so I’m still upset and angry with myself over this). It won’t ever happen again, I’m definitely going to be more focused and careful going forward.
A mistake I’ve learned from is giving up too early. If you hold on through the tough stuff for just a little while usually things get better. Giving things a good go and a real chance is so very worth it.
My biggest mistake was not listening to people and working for a horrible boss. The job itself was great but she was impossible to work for. I wish I would have listened to those I trusted!
My biggest mistake I’ve learned from is to make sure you have your own bank accounts, debit card, & control of your own finances. In my past I let my husband control all the money & I didn’t have any access to the accounts or bills. I trusted he would be responsible. Then found out he wasn’t paying bills, was using all they money behind my back. He left me basically bankrupt. A HUGE lesson learned.
i learned that rice looks deceptively small when uncooked. I was eating rice for days to make up for that gaff.
My biggest mistake was to let your heart rule your head. There are times when its alright, but one regret I have in my life is not joining the Air Force. A boyfriend stopped me at AFEES on the day I was swearing in. It of course didnt work out, we were apart a couple of yeaars later. I should have went in but by that tme had a small child.
I learned from my mistake with my kids when they were smaller. I would sometimes “promise” them something to appease them- like ok we will go for ice cream on the weekend if you please go to bed now-lol. I learned my lesson quickly as my son has a great memory and it only took once to be told by him that I don’t keep my promises for me to really watch what I say and ensure I can actually follow through.
My mistake was not believing in myself. I have learned to stay true to yourself and to always think positive. Be happy with your life and appreciate what you have is great!
my biggest mistake was not loving myself when I was younger. I’ve struggled a lot over the last few years and finally learned that in order to fully love someone else, I need to love myself first
I learned that you can’t escape from yourself. You need to look within to find why you are unhappy, and not keep “searching” for happiness somewhere else.
I used to make tons of plans & to do lists for myself & then feel bad about not being able to follow through completely.
I now know that life happens & go with the flow as changes happen. I’m much happier this way.
My mistake was getting married to young !!! Ya live and learn !
All the time. Many times stuff i have done wrong in life or at work.
not to bother with my narcissistic brother anymore
My mistake was giving opinions when asked of me but then that person would be angry with me because they really didn’t want to face the truth
Mistakes are part of life – it’s how you handle it that counts. Learn and grow from it.
I made a bet with my mom when I was a young teen and I was wrong. She made me pay up with all of the money that I had earned from working in the backyard for her all afternoon. It was a great lesson on why I shouldn’t gamble and one I’ve carried with me since.
I learned to never comments on someones age. 🙂
Whenever i mess up on something art related.. then i realize i can just fix it! it can really be applied to my life too.
Oh so many times and it’s hard to recall. I go with my instincts.
I spent hours putting together a BBQ only to realize when I was done, that one of the shelves that I put on in like step 2 was backwards, so I learned that I need to pay attention to details!
I learned that taking the easy route with my child is never an option…it’s never easier in the long run!
Several times over with judgement in people 😉
Actually there are TWO big ones (MISTAKES) that to be perfectly honest I still have to make a conscientious effort not to keep repeating (aka: LEARNING FROM!):
!. Procrastinating : never put off till tomorrow, what you can do today. Problems only get bigger and you’ll never know all of the opportunities you’re missing!
2. Never lend money to a friend or relative. If you care enough, and you CAB – GIVE them the money they need or help them find a way to solve their problem (in a legal and ethical way!) but LOANS just don’t work: they are the best (that is WORST) way to lose a friend or cause friction and unhappiness in your family. Believe me, I have learned this the hard way, more than once.
I realized I must do what I want and not be influenced by the other person in my relationships. I am the one that must live with the decision.
I learned from my experiences.
I hate dealing with papers and forms, but have learned not to procrastinate on paperwork – it can end up costing money in the end!
I learned from a mistake once when I was helping schedule a big tennis tournament. I was processing all the entries for scheduling the players, and when I came across one with the first name Marion I automatically put “her” in the women’s draw. Well, when Marion showed up to get “his” court times it was a big mess – we had to scramble to try to fix the huge draw, while keeping things fair for all the scheduled players. I learned to always pay attention to the details of paperwork (there was a box marked “male” on his form, but I just looked at the name), and to not make assumptions (while Marion tends to be a woman’s name here in North America, it is a male’s name in parts of Europe, as I learned in this case, as well as when my friend married a Marion from Slovakia). I also learned to own up to my mistakes (of course the organizers needed to know how this had happened), and that they almost always can be fixed, although not always perfectly.
i learned that the instructions are there for a reason…so i know read them!!
I once got let go for down sizing and thought well it should be okay. Well within one week I was offered a job but making less than I was and thought nah I will wait that was quick well almost 10 months went by before another offer came and I learned that something is better than nothing!
I learned to not trust new relationships so easily. I learned that people that don’t always have your best interests in mind when they become friends with you.
I once volunteered to babysit 2 brothers that attended the same school as my children, my plans changed and I picked my children up from school, while driving away, i remembered what I had promised and luckily they had walked to my house and were standing on my front porch. I always make myself a note
I learned that you should never speed, because you never know who might be around the next corner.
Don’t say something in a moment of anger, once it is out there, you can’t take it back.
I almost burned the kitchen when I didnt know how to cook
i learned not to trust certain family members with secrets, they have big mouths!!!