How are your new years resolutions coming along? Or are you one of those people who laughs in the face of resolutions and decides it’s easier just to avoid them altogether? It turns out, statistically speaking, resolutions start to drop the third week in January and continues into a decline in February.
I make small resolutions. Last year I gave up sugar-packed pop and moved to diet-pop instead. I opted out of a double-double in favor of a regular. Those two resolutions actually stuck and I can’t drink a full-strength pop or coffee anymore. This year? I’m giving up the mighty bagel with delicious cream cheese for breakfast in the morning. So far, I’m three weeks in and doing OK. The fact of the matter is, none of us is perfect and while having a drive to do well is admirable, we need to give ourselves some grace and be good to ourselves. Otherwise, we could be holding ourselves back from success. Seems counter-productive doesn’t it?
In her latest blog post, Betty Ann Heggie explains that aiming to be perfect, until everything is just right, can actually hold us back in our careers and in daily life as well.
Our desire to be perfect prevents us from trying new things, and there is a direct correlation between trying new things and increased confidence. It is a vicious cycle: perfectionism erodes our confidence, increasing our fears, resulting in the demand for even more perfectionism.
I can certainly think of several examples where I didn’t think I was ready enough to jump into something that others said I was more than ready to do. I’d hate to think of the opportunities that could have passed me by had I listened to that voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, didn’t have the right stuff, or simply that there was someone else better to do it.
The trick is to face our fear and have the courage to accept our abilities, exactly as they are. Courage is just like confidence: it comes from doing, from experimenting, and trying again.
Can you think of a situation where you let your drive to be perfect keep you from having the confidence to do something just as you are? That’s what we’re asking readers this month in our monthly contest partnership with Betty Ann Heggie.
I used to study 3D modelling at a prestigious art school. I was always handing in incomplete and late assignments because I was so hell bent on my pieces being perfect, and they never were (in my eyes).
My dream was to start my own bake shop but I’m the one to this day preventing myself from going forward with it
I loved sports as a kid, but always felt I wasn’t good enough. I actually dropped out of a couple of teams after all of the try outs and being accepted.
I considered a different career but hesitated because I didn’t think my marks were good enough
The drive of perfection that is holding me back is myself, I feel I need to lose a whole pile of weight to be able to do anything, I will not go to parties or out to eat, in fact I have missed so much already, I have been on disability since 2008, so there has been no work holding me back to enjoy life, just myself, my husband goes out by himself because I refuse to leave the house, I need to change and I need to do it soon!!
I was scared to try sports when I was a kid, I would see others that it appeared that they handled themselves effortlessly. I held myself back, and to this day, hesitate to try any type of sport for fear of not being perfect at it.
I play the piano and have occasionally played in front of my church family but my drive for perfectionism and not wanting to make a mistake has held me back and prevented me from gaining the courage to play more.
when my first was born i tried to be perfect mom, keep the house perfectly clean and it was unrealistic
When I was in high school I always wanted to be a cheer leader with my friends but never felt I could do things as well as the rest of the girls so Inever bothered to even try out.
When I considered being a graphic designer and I wanted everything to be just right and I didn’t like that sometimes trial and error is the best strategy.
I get to stressed out if things are perfect and so whenever I would strive for perfection I would actually fail more. I like being me and being me can be messy. but I am okay with that 🙂
In high school, I strived so hard for honours and I spent alot of time studying late night and just trying to be the best I could be. I ended up burning myself out and making myself sick all of the time!
When in a crowd of people and I really wanted to speak up and get my opinion in. I had problem to get my voice to a level where people could hear me. Apparently all I could get out was a whisper .
I have definitely burnt myself out on more than one occasion working long hours and days in a row to try to get extra money to buy the latest something I just needed to have,,
Someone suggested starting my own business. I didn’t want to. I was scared, but I listened to them and in the end it turned out wonderfully. So it did hold me back at first, but I listened to wise counsel and it worked out.
used to aim for perfectionism at work but all that lead to was stress – more realistic now
A few times I have not invited people over because my place is in need of some renos and updates.
I cannot remember – too long ago.
I had thought about starting my own business a few times but I start going thinking about it and get overwhelmed trying to do everything perfect that I end up loosing faith in myself and not proceeding.
I’ve been putting off losing weight for years because when I’ve tried in the past I’ve given up quickly. I know now it’s not “all or nothing” but baby steps & slipping up is OK! I’m now down -23 pounds since September & going strong!
My prom. I nearly missed in fear of not looking perfect.
We are sitting on a torn couch, looking at bare walls because I can’t decide on the “perfect” new furniture or find a “perfect” piece of artwork to hang on the wall. Sigh.
When I turned down a job because I felt I wasn’t qualified.
I almost did not marry my husband because I felt that I was not ready financially(but I was).
I’m not really a perfectionist, so can’t really recall a time when it held me back
I’m a firm believer in the 85% solution
Back in uni, I almost missed the deadline for an assignment because I was proof reading it for probably the 100th time
when ever we have a family dinner , I always want everything perfect.
When people come over I feel like the house needs to be 100% clean, even in rooms they won’t see, in case they go into it, I have gotten better in not having to be so perfect in having a clean house.
After my daughter was born I tried to be supermom. Didnt ask for any help, tried to keep the house absolutely spotless etc. Didn’t work out very well 🙂
I always want my house to be spotless. When people are over I am constantly running around cleaning and putting everything in its place. I never enjoyed myself. I have let it go a little bit recently.
My need to have a project completed to perfection causes me to worry endlessly and hesitate to work on new ones.
I be honest I don’t strive for perfectionism, however I do hate if someone has a dislike for me. That holds me back as I don’t want to burn any bridges.
Perfectionism holds me back in that I take a long time to complete things because I keep going back to make sure it’s perfect. This happened to me a lot in school and I was always working on papers up until the last minute because of it.
Perfectionism holds me back in trying new things because I fear I will not be any good.
It holds me back from so many things, from picking the wrong paint colour in my house…so never making the step to change it to how i want in my house. To stressing about every photo that I take for my business and making myself sick over it.
I’ve always stressed about our vacation and planning it to be perfect so much that I can’t enjoy it as i worry if everyone is happy …this year will be different.
Well, having been diagnosed as having mild OCD I find the drive for perfect quite often holds me back from a lot. I get overwhelmed by desperately trying to make things perfect and therefore quite often won’t bother with attempting. It is a vicious cycle.
I don’t drive and I think I thought I should know how to right off and I got frusturated and self-conscious. Now I’m just scared…
I left a position because I didn’t feel my knowledge base was strong enough.
i tend to be a perfectionist with my projects, be it decorating a cake, planning for an occasion, my photography..if i do not feel it is perfect I have been know to give up or keep trying til perfect!
Oh absolutely! I was determined that my Husband and I weren’t going to have children until our lives were just right. Well, that time never came but our little man did! I often ask myself “why did I wait so long” and “what was I waiting for”? No matter how much I prepared or how much older I got, nothing would of… could of stopped me from loving this little person. I was still scared and nervous to meet him but now that he’s here it has become like second nature. I wish I hadn’t have held back! I wish I had met little man years ago <3
I often give up on a diet goal that I’ve set for myself. I make my goal too unrealistic and eventually become too discouraged to continue. This year I’ve set a much more realistic goal of loosing 2 pounds a month.
I tend to accept ‘good enough’ as a better choice than ‘never happening because it’s not quite the right time’ – so I can’t think of anything off the top of my head!
Taking up too much time to perfect every detail and have no time for other important activities.
I am often scared to try new things because I think I’ll make a fool of myself if I’m not perfect at it. As my kids get older, I’m getting better about it because they push me to try things I’m not comfortable with…luckily they are extremely outgoing!
I don’t have specific instance but I often give up tasks mid way through because I realize that after I start them that to do them the way I want them to be done will take months.
Since I quit smoking Easter Sunday 2012 I have put on 51 lbs and its really holding me back,I rather stay home than go out,nothing fits before 2015 ends I hope to have left the 51 behind
A year after I started my blog, I took five months off. I wasn’t sure I’d even go back. There were so many people saying different things I should be doing, what my numbers should be etc. I couldn’t seem to move forward! I’ve been back more than two years and realized, my blog is about me. It’s not perfect and neither am I!
With each child ( we have four) i have had a harder time excepting that the house may not always be as clean as i like. I had to accept that the limits of time can’t be stretched and that an untidy house is ok once in awhile.
I would be submitting assignments late, losing marks because I felt that if I’d spend a little more time on it, it would be better
I’m most sure this sounds silly…
But recently I have noticed my goal for perfectionism gets held back extremely while I (learn to) bake.
Needing everything tidy and spotless makes baking almost seem like a tedious chore. I constantly try, but with wanting the kitchen spotless at the same time, it seems impossible. I feel this really holds me back from possibly creating a new hobby I could really love. Oddly enough – I do not have the weird “need” for the tidiness while cooking.
Everyday at work wanting everything to be perfect holds me back from being happy. I am always stressed.
At work during stressful times, I always feel if I want it done right, I need to do it myself. Yet, the amount of work is too much for one person.
I don’t think I have experienced this before
sometimes when it is the holidays I get so obsessed with everything looking and tasting perfect that I don’t actually stop to enjoy it.
All the time, when you deal with OCD!
In high school journalism! I was always so worried I wasn’t good enough, and never followed through with the writing after school although I always wanted to be a writer.
I honestly have to say – never. I do my best, and I have to say, it’s pretty damn good!
Blogging, nearly every post is a struggle to get over the ‘it is ok if it isn’t perfect’ feelings.
i sometimes wish my house was way more organized, for example, the closets, pantry, storage, etc. it is not that way! i just have to accept that i have limited time and must use it for other things instead having the house perfectly organized.
When I was 18 I took a driver’s education class, got my learner’s, & then did not want to try for my license until I was 100% sure I would do the test perfectly. Well, that day never happened & it all backfired, the years went by, I became less & less confident, and now to this day I still don’t have a driver’s license all because of that goal for perfection.
My drive for perfectionism holds me back almost every day actually. I take forever to send an email, make meals, do laundry, put things away, and so on, because I want everything done perfectly. I double check things; I redo things; I take a painstakingly long time to do things. As a result I am almost always late for everything because I can’t leave a task until it is done perfectly. Alternatively, often I simply don’t start a task because I know I don’t have enough time to complete it to my own high standards and thus I have a ton of unfinished tasks, messes etc because I won’t just do something a little imperfectly. I am desperate to let this perfectionism go, because I would get a lot more done and probably be a lot less stressed.
I never wanted to play on a team because I knew if I made a mistake during a game I would blame myself if we had lost. I missed out on having fun with friends on a team because of this.
Becoming a parent and wanting everything to be right. But being a parent is still about learning as each child is different and so is each parent ther is going to be hard times and good times and try to be a great parent that you can be. 🙂
Trying to roast the perfect turkey and host a perfect Thanksgiving dinner holds me back…so I depend on my Mom to have the feast in her home!
When forced with a tight schedule, trying to submit a document perfectly with the perfect additional touches just draws me to complete all the work
I really can’t describe just one instance, as this is all the time
Perfectionism – an unrealistic attribute – I’ve come to learn that being the best version of yourself – is one’s ultimate goal. To be content with acheiving that. Went on an infertility journey that lasted 13 years – talk about feeling less than perfect – but through determination and perserverance and the Grace of God – were blessed with a son in Dec 2003 – 13 years of emotional duress – my son – testament to the strength of spirit. Perfect ? NO. Learned and encompassed that being human and flawed are okay with me.
Eva Mitton-Urban
Ahhh, the firs thing to come to mind was the dreaded bathing suit. The times at the beach, on holidays, at the pool, friend’s jacuzzi, etc. would have been so much more fun if I wasn’t so emphasized on how I looked. I think most women can relate, and it’s really sad, because how did we even get to that point being so self conscious?
Losing weight. If I don’t feel like I exercise enough and if I overeat. This time around I’m pacing myself. An hour is enough, a little treat once in a while won’t hurt me. Success comes with some failures as long as you don’t give up.
University studies….I could have enjoyed the social aspect a little more.
Hmmm, I think it would have to be joining a yoga class oh boy yes i said it a yoga class
I’ve turned down many invitations to go out with friends because I thought I wasn’t the perfect weight. 🙁
I’m going through this right now. I wanted to make a career change but because of an injury and all the WSIB red tape I cannot pursue it
Perfectionism is alright when I’m working on my own projects but when I was working on group projects, it sometimes delayed the time and progress of the project.
I don’t think perfectionism has held me back…it’s been poor decisions on my part that i didn’t finish my education.