At 37 I am done having kids, as the saying goes. With three kids under ten (somehow that doesn’t sound nearly as scary as the admirable moms with 3 under 3!) I am in a happy place right now. Each child is at a great stage in life; my 3-year-old is exploring the world and of course displaying some attitude and tantrums as she figures it all out, my 6 year old is reading and telling me the virtues of each Ever After High character and singing like a stage performer, and my soon to be 10 year old is becoming the kid I can sit down on the couch with and have a conversation about real life issues and challenges.
I have friends who are just having their first baby now and it definitely makes me reminisce about those first few weeks at home with my first baby. Elijah arrived almost a week early after a difficult labor. Spending a surprise total of 6 days in the hospital, my husband had used up his vacation time and went back to work 2 days after we were discharged. It was difficult, scary, tense, but beautiful having my baby boy home with me in those early days. I was just talking to a high school friend about that time, as she herself is a new mom. In thinking back, I’ve come up with some pieces of advice that I shared.
Here are my 5 things I would tell all new moms, based on my not quite expert experience:
1. Cherish those early days. I know you’re hurting mom (in all kinds of ways!) and sleep deprivation is a new and not so beautiful thing, but take in those early days, first few baby baths, and that amazing scent of your baby’s fine baby-chick hair. Breathe deeply and cry when you need to. I remember having the baby blues and being so overwhelmed by the beauty of my little guy that I cried on the phone with my mom. Concerned, she asked what was wrong. I sobbed, “Nothing…he’s just…just…so beautiful mom!”
2. Hold the baby. I don’t care what your mother in law, auntie, or old wives tales tell you. You can not spoil a baby before 3-months of age and there’s nothing like snuggling a newborn and letting them snooze while you catch up on Netflix or movies or a book. Who cares if baby isn’t in her crib that you paid $500 for? Who. Cares. Hold baby, rest yourself, and know that in a very short time span compared to the the rest of your life – she will be up and running and you’ll wish you had read that book when you had the time to.
3. Breast/Bottle – it does not matter. No really. When your baby goes off to college I promise you he will not be ticked off and demand to know why you formula fed him because his IQ score is 3 points lower than his buddy who was exclusively breastfed up until the age of 5. I know all kinds of crazy scenarios go through your head when you’re trying to figure out what’s best. And over thinking and analyzing and guilt serves no one, not least of which is your baby. Nourishment comes in many forms – breast, bottle, snuggles, kisses, and absolute love.
4. Let dad be a dad. One of the greatest gifts you can give your baby’s daddy is to allow him to be a dad. As much as we all know you’re the expert, mom (and we mom’s do it right), dads can be pretty amazing and they need one on one time with their newborn as well. Try not to hover, over-correct, and resist the urge to take baby from him when she’s crying. Let him figure it out. If you can escape to the mall or a local coffee shop for an hour to allow him to do that, that’s even better and will benefit you both.
5. You’re doing amazing, mom. No really, you are! Your baby sees you are the most amazing person he’s ever seen in his entire life (all 8 days of it!) and it doesn’t matter if the books or your friends or your mom differ in what approach is best with your baby. You are your baby’s entire world (with dad, see #4) and if he doesn’t nap like your friend’s baby, or prefers cuddles at 3am, or cries for a half hour just because he’s a baby and that’s what babies do – it’s no reflection on you. He’s a baby and as long as he is nourished with food and love you’re doing your job! Toss the books, ask for help when you need it, and politely thank your mother in law when she offers you advice without asking anyway.
I’ve had the privilege of knowing some amazing moms in my lifetime and love that we get all the attention in May for Mother’s Day. I love when brands and corporations show that love too. Walmart is hosting it’s third annual Mom of the Year program and there’s still time to nominate a mom you know and love for recognition!
Every Mom of the Year nominee gets their own profile page on the Mom of The Year site and friends and family can stop by and add their own comments to the page to let the nominee know how amazing they are. You can view all the moms at the Meet The Moms link and even search for someone to see if they’ve already been nominated.
20 Moms will be proclaimed winners in this campaign with the 1 grand prize recipient receiving $10,000 cash and a $10,000 donation to the charity of their choice. Details on the prizing for all 20 winners can be found here!
As here with my 7 week old on my lap — I’m agreeing (this is my baby #3). The only thing I would add would be, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and don’t worry if the house isn’t clean/laundry isn’t done/groceries are not bought. Things will work out (even if that means you’re eating pizza 3 nights a week).
YES! We as moms sometimes feel like we have to do it all – ask for help when you need it is a great piece of advice!
Very well stated. We all learn with trial and error. I would also like to add. Don’t be afraid to take any of the in-laws advice, after all they had children too! Just know when to say they have overstepped any boundaries, that is the only problem I have had to deal with. Also agrees wholeheartedly with Marianne!!
That’s true – sometimes mom (or MIL) might know a thing or two! Whenever my mom gives me advice that works I make a joke about it. “OK, OK, fine you were right mom!” She loves it when I have to admit she knew what she was talking about!
I was an over corrector but I was on my own more then he was home being in the navy my ways got set.
I love this advice! I would hold my sweet newborn every minute, and enjoy memorizing each one of his marks that made him, Him! I also love the advice to let Dad be Dad… my husband is an amazing father!
great tips thank you very much. i will be sure to pass this along to someone special in my life. 🙂
Never be afraid to ask for help. Sleep when you get a chance.
awe i love this! it was so nice to read these tips. I have an 19 month old but i am pregnant with my second so its nice to be reminded of these things. i definitely need to remember that i am doing a good job and trust my instincts
Instincts/gut/inner voice. Whatever you call it, it’s so powerful in many of life’s situations, motherhood being one of them!
I love this post! There were times that I felt like I was doing things “wrong” and this has reassured me that I was doing things that worked for me and my baby. Thanks!
Trust your gut – even when you feel like you have no clue what to do, your instincts will guide you. And no matter what other people tell you, do what is best for you, your baby and your family.
Great advice for new moms, I also agree with Monique saying to trust your gut. You will have all sorts of people, friends, family and even complete strangers offering you advice, some may be helpful but a lot of times the advice does not apply to you or sit right with your values, trust in yourself and do what is best for your family.
I love these tips. There’s no pressure, no right or wrong….just listen to your guts and do what YOU feel is best for your child.
those are wise words, thank you for sharing them!
Really good advice…wish we had seen this before we had our first little one!
Sleep when the kids sleep cause ya never know when that’s going to happen again 🙂
Learn to say Yes just as much as you say No.
Housework can wait because the kids grow up too fast to worry about housework. Spend your time with them first!
I never could sleep when my babies were sleeping, but I did use that time to just relax and watch a movie or chat with my husband or older kids. Housework can ALWAYS wait. I never had a clean house when my babies were infants!
Wonderful advice! Thank you!
Great tips! I’d tell them to trust themselves and do what works for you, not what works for them.
I enjoyed reading your post 5 Things I Would Tell New Moms.
Great advice for new mothers.
Wise words. There is so much pressure out there for new moms. Just enjoy your little one and keep them safe. You’re a great mom 🙂
Sleep when the kids sleep
Take time for yourself
Have a date night with your spouse
enjoy baby they grow to fast
make lots of memories
LOVED it! Great read… And also great advice!
Sleep if you can when the baby sleeps
Swaddles are lifesavers
Document everything
You cant hold them too much
Housework can wait, you’re missing out!
Great 5 things! I enjoyed reading yours
These are great, thanks Ashley!
Beautiful! Perfectly written 🙂
1- sleep when the baby sleeps 2- ask for help 3- accept help! 4-enjoy the little things 5-do something for yourself every day
#5. Do something for yourself every day is important! Even if that something is a shower – it can mean everything in those early days!
Wonderful comments by all and so true. I have only one child and he is almost 18. According to my mom and mother-in-law, I cuddled my son too much, spent far too much time with him, didn’t potty train him early enough, didn’t take the bottle away soon enough, etc. etc. I gained so much by listening to what felt right for him and us as a family. In due time, he gave up his night time bottle, on his own, no fighting and sobbing; was potty trained in a few days (because he was ready) not just me. I knew my son. All through school, I knew when something was bothering him, whether it was a disagreement with his best friend, or when he felt he didn’t do as well as he thought in school; and we talked about it so he could put it into perspective. At 18 I still have a great open relationship with my son and he will come and talk to me about anything that is bothering him. My advise, is it doesn’t matter if it is right or wrong, if it works for you and your family, then it is right. Every child is different and no one knows that child like their mom. Enjoy every moment, they grow up way too fast.
With my husband and I preparing to be parents for the first time, this is something that truly was incredible to read! Bringing tears to my eyes! I know that it can be tough to be all you want/thought that you could be for your little family, but this is so very helpful to keep in mind! I will be bookmarking this to come back to on tough days.
Excellent advice. Wish I got that 5 months ago but better late than never! 🙂
I would also recommend that new moms not hesistate to ask for/accept any offers of help!
It’s OK to accept help. I often fell into the category of not accepting help and it lead to exhaustion.
How beautiful and much support for mommy. Well done!!
great list. I always tell moms to trust their instincts, if it feels wrong dont do it!
My daughter is about to be a mom; I remind her all of the time —
1. Get plenty of sleep when you are able to.
2. As soon as the baby naps, take your shower, etc.
3. Get as much help from me as possible.
4. Always make sure to burp the baby before laying him down.
5. Smile; it gets easier as they get older. 🙂
You have some great advice . Thanks for this article .
Those are 5 very wonderful tips…I wish that I had taken more time to be a Mum. Sara is 25 now and I wonder where all of the years went!
I love this blog entry! How true are all these things! I love the one about let dad be a dad and how your doing wonderful mom. I think those 2 tips would really help a new mama out!! ♡♡
Can’t really add anything else. Enjoy the time you have as they grow so quickly.
I totally agree on “hold the baby”, I still do this and my daughter is turning 6. My mom thinks I’m crazy ha ha
As a mom of 5, making part of dinner in the morning gave me satisfaction that I accomplished something that day. Twins were my first kids and with two at a time, you plan who’s going to meet you at the other end for outings. Kids look to you to help direct their day and are sensitive to your moods and energy. You can’t hold the baby too much, although it’s good to take a break for a shower and to use the bathroom. They can wait a second while you take care of yourself, so you can reach for them again. The other thing I would add is they grow up so fast and ask better questions as they age.
As a mom of 2 spaced quite a few apart (one baby, one 7 year old), and being done now (also at age 37), I completely agree with this list! I think having the big space helped give me some perspective on how fast time goes and how each stage, whether good or bad, never lasts forever. So the second time around I did cuddle more, cherish the early days more etc and I have loved it (I also loved my experience with my first, but I felt a bit more pressure to follow “rules” with her, when looking back some of those rules seem so unimportant now). I am sad that we won’t be having any more babies after this one, but also so happy that we ended up with two when we thought we were only having one. Anyway, I love the simplicity of your list – it’s all so true and basic, but often the simple things get overlooked in all the chaos so it’s a great reminder!
These are all great tips, my #1 to tell new mommies is to sleep when baby does, who cares what the house looks like, you need your rest also, and to take the help when offered, don’t try to act like super mom it’ll only drain you
I would agree, that every new mom should not try to be super mom, always ask for advice and you will see there is no really super moms, just loving moms!
Great post! It’s so important to find balance and to prioritize appropriately! Rest for the baby is crucial but rest for the mommy is just as important.
I would add one very important one I was given. Sleep when baby sleeps.
Those are five totally expert pieces of advice 🙂
One of the first things I learned……..throw the books away! I learned early on that they don’t all conform to what the books say they should be doing and after a few comparisons to the “What to Expect the First Year” book that never panned out I realized that they’ll all learn to do things at their own pace, when they’re ready, not when the book says they should do it.
#4 is one you don’t see that often on these types of lists and I love that you included it! My husband definitely does things different than me in taking care of babies and kids but it works well for him and them.
This is a really good list; I would have to agree with all of these. Although on #2 I might suggest not buying an expensive crib 😉
These are great! I especially loved the breast/formula one! I never questioned why my mother fed me (formula or breast milk) what she fed me because at the end of the day, you know that your mother was doing what she thought was best for you and what is right at that time!
Confidence is so important- a new mom needs to know she is doing well.
This is great advice, all new moms should read this!
definitely agree w/the feeding thing – so much pressure these days – either way!
This is a great post! My third baby is now 16 months old and she is my last. It is so much easier to enjoy and savour the last one as you are more experienced and you know that it doesn’t last forever. The sleep deprivation wont last forever, the hour long nursing sessions will get shorter, she wont always want to be held or snuggle, I won’t always be the only person she wants. Cherish those moments with babe because they wont last forever:)
I really liked how you noted that it doesn’t matter whether your baby is breastfed or bottlefed. There is so much pressure to exclusively breastfeed. As long as baby is content, it doesn’t matter!
I would love to tell a new mom, relax! It is going to be okay. I love your post and definitely cherishing every moment!
I loved all of you advice, its always stressful being a new mom.
I’d like to tell a new mom to relax and make sure you breathe because its so easy to get overwhelmed!
I would tell them to enjoy, rest, drink, go for a drive, take lots of showers.
So far I have 10 months and 10 days under my belt. What I would tell a new/er mom is, do what is best for you and your baby. There is far too much pressure to do things the “right’ way. (Natural Birth, EBF, ERF, etc)
I would tell them your human we make mistakes, rest when you can, keep up on going out or talking to friends, have tons of enjoyable minutes hours etc, take tons and tons of pictures and videos of the baby growing
I would say don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. My daughter was pretty ill the first 6 months of her life and she constantly cried just about all day and night. It got to the point where my husband and I just couldn’t hold our eyes open. I was very thankful my mom noticed how sleep deprived we were and she stayed to help while we could get some sleep. I also like how you say it’s okay if you can’t breastfeed. I remember being so stressed out and very upset because I couldn’t produce milk. I thought I was failing my baby. Take one day at a time, you will get through it even though it seems tough. Cherish everyday, every minute. Time seems to fly so quickly and I can’t believe my baby is going to be 3 in a couple months!!