How are you doing so far this holiday?
Not your shopping list or baking piling up in the freezer. How are you?
The holiday season can be the most stressful time of the year for many of us, at a time when it’s supposed to be the most wonderful. I’ve been making a conscious effort to take stock of my own stress levels this holiday season and shared my top 5 tips to reduce holiday stress last week. I’ve also been loving the recent posts from Betty Ann Heggie on her blog focusing on a different perspective to celebration this holiday season.
A recent post by Betty Ann Heggie titled Celebrating the Third Metric shares some ideas for ways to celebrate ourselves and those around us outside of the typical ’empty’ dinners and large gatherings we’ve become accustomed to. “Celebrations should give us energy, not take it away and those relegated to following senseless convention are huge drainers,” she says.
I was happy to read Giving to Others is a Gift to Yourself recently too, where Betty Ann shares how giving is good for the soul and especially at this stressful time of the year it’s so important to remember those less fortunate, those struggling with an unexpected challenge, and perhaps those who may not know how to ask for help when they think you’re too busy already. Stop, pause, and listen to those around you. Betty Ann explains, “It doesn’t have to be much. It’s not the gift, as Mother Teresa said, “it’s what we put into the giving”.
I encourage you to read all three posts shared above – my own tips on reducing holiday stress and Betty Ann’s two blog posts about rethinking how we look at celebration this holiday season. We of course have teamed up for another great PayPal giveaway this month. The goal? Take the $100 prize if you won and put it towards doing good. Buy coffee for people in a drive-through, buy someone in your social circle who is struggling something special, or donate it to a cause you feel passionate about.
I am valuing connections this holiday season. I was very ill this year, and some women banded together to help my family, and it reminded me how short life is. I am trying to connect with others, and really pay attention to others.
I have a bigger appreciation for what I have. A co worker lost all the material things in a house fire. Luckily his wife and daughter were able to escape even thought the fire alarm did not go off. All the had were the clothes on their back. I hold everyone I love a little closer and value the important things. Makes me want to help those who have so much less.
Definitely! People get so caught up ay Christmas time, they seem to have blinders on when it comes to charity. This is a truly wonderful gesture, and there’s so many things that can be done like that to make someone’s day just a little bit better! A great eye opener!
What a marvelous idea for a giveaway!
As a Mom to 5 kids (ages 12, 10, 8, 2 & 10 months) I’ve found myself getting stressed out more often than I should during the holiday season. This year though, I’ve made the decision to just not let everything get to me. I can only do what I can do. I am reminding myself that it’s OK to say NO to certain people/events if they cause more stress than joy in my life. I am focusing on my children, spending time with them, creating traditions & fond memories with them. So far it’s been working fairly well! I’m not done my Christmas shopping & we don’t even have the tree up or decorations out because our basement got ripped apart to get a new ventilation system installed. But I’m NOT stressing about it!
As for helping others in need, although we are currently a single income family, we are donating what we can to a family in a parenting group I’m in. She doesn’t work & her husband just got laid off a month ago. I have some toys & gift cards that I won this year & will be passing them along. Feels good to help others!
Two years ago my husband was laid off just before Christmas, it was such a hard time, but our friends and family really rallied around us and I will never forget it. We are now so thankful for the holidays and all of the blessings we have, this post reminded me yet again how lucky we are.
Connection is so important!!
Yes for sure it has made me rethink christmas.
I’ve been trying to not stress about Christmas, to be honest.. I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy, so my thoughts on having our second child are dominating over Christmas. We made the choice to go low key this year, we’re only buying our son a couple of gifts rather than a bunch..and I’m not worrying about family dynamics or anything. What happens, happens.
I’ve been trying to not stress about Christmas, but with all the baking, company coming from out of town, shopping, money, every day stuff. we need to change Connection is so important and rethink Christmas
I’ve always thought of helping others: whether it be with donating kitchen ware/clothes/ornaments etc. to certain families
or taking to thrift stores and donating.
I believe that helping others does one good even if they have not been helped through rough/tough times
I used to get very stressed at holiday time but not anymore. I take things as they come and if there is something I can’t change, I just don’t worry about it. My son is on disability and his wife is going to school to be a nurse so they are having struggles. We are going to buy extra for the kidlets this year to help my son and his wife out. We also will have them all for dinner and we always try to invite someone who is alone for the holiday. Its a time for giving and I get more joy out of that than receiving.
Has even more yes, I have to admit.. This is the very first year I feel i have truly gave back and Paid it Forward in the holiday season <3 Plan to continue this path.. What a great feeling.
Lovely post. I too am caught up in checking it off mylist, making it perfect. Do the cookies look arranged properly on the tray. How can I cut teh cheese so the colours and sdhapes don’t looking too similar – very trivial. There are poeple hwo would love to eat cheese, not the shapes or colours matching. I would use the money to buy food for the foodbank or meals for those who need it more than I;
No, our (grown) children and ourselves decided to rethink our focus last holiday season. It isn’t practical anymore to buy gifts for each other when we don’t need anything! So the gifts focus on the kids, and the adults focus on making the best memories for everyone! 🙂
I am definately trying not to stress this year Baking is done shopping is done anddecorations are done All done slowly but ahead of time so there would be no stress Bad news on health and must be stress free so I am doing as I am told to have a wonderful christmas with my family and friends .. I am also serving for families that cannot afford to eat christmas dinner or buy gifts I have enlisted my family and friends to help serve those who need our help This is a blessing to do
No it has not made me rethink our focus, as that has always been part of our focus. For our children we started doing St. Nicholas day when they were young, now that they are young adults they still get a stocking on Dec. 6th but they are also to pay it forward/ do something for others and let us know what. One child did 2 shoe boxes for operation Christmas Child, another bought coffee and a meal for a panhandler on the streets. The other focused on baking for those around him. We have tried to model and do this ourselves and it is good!
This season has been taxing on my soul for the holidays. i work retail and often see the worst of people on a daily basis. This year I have made it my own holiday, spending more time with my son and my friends. Less focus on the material things and helping my son fill his passions. We have bought almost every toy he asked for for Christmas and are donating them to the fire hall. I’m focusing on my own holiday happiness and haven’t put much if any thought into how others will see how we celebrated this Christmas.
Not really, I’ve already made a commitment to not not to stress myself about the holidays.
Not really because these are all things that I try to remember and try to do. I try to make the focus of Christmas about family and being together, and to not stress the small things. Christmas for me is really just about my family, and where as the kids get gifts of course, my husband and I aren’t exchanging gifts this year. Just one less thing to have to worry about when things are already tight financially.
I have actually been rethinking my holiday focus and actually my general life focus for a while now. thinking about how to stop running and start enjoying and living life more.
It took my husband’s car accident for me to put the brakes on and start living and appreciating all that I have, I enjoy all the family time that we have, we have more family get togethers and we just enjoy each others company without stressing, put a few burgers on the bbq and no need for 4 different salads same at Christmas, everyone helps out so everything doesn’t fall onto only persons plate and yes the dishes can wait
I agree with this but I also think it goes beyond buying stuff, how about when you see that mom or dad struggling with the stroller and trying to get a door open, you open it and hold it. How about when someone holds the door for you, you smile or say thank you. People have lost their manners and its getting really sad to see. A smile can make someones day, try it
My focus has always been on friends and family at the holidays.
Christmas had never been stressful – my family share a present list so no stress, if my husband doesn’t buy presents for his family then they don’t get any. We don’t have a tree or decorations and I dislike all foods associated with the holiday so no stress on the food front. And since we have been married it is always just the two of us, heaven. So no stress with having family round or visiting them
My focus on the holidays has ALWAYS been spending time with my loved ones and giving back. Christmas can be a very hard time for some due to illness, family differences, lack of companionship, etc – sometimes a simple, even small, act of kindness can mean the world to someone else this time of year.
i do agree it’s not the gift but the giving that matters. it is hard to find a balance in life about having and not having, desire and need. the lines get blurred or we just get caught up in the moment and want want want everything.
Yes.. I never stress during the holidays – its suppost to be fun with family & friends..
I have always loved the quote from the Grinch- maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. maybe Christmas means a little bit more.
I think that is the spirit of the post and the best way to look at the holidays!
i love this post!! i have never been one that loved to get gifts from others but i always loved giving them and i was stressing out because this year i do not have the funds to do so. BUT that is not what christmas is all about. christmas is about being with your family, laughing, smiling. it is not about the presents you receive and give
This was a great post, the holidays are a very stressful time of year. I think focus on family and helping and giving to others helps
The holidays always stress me out! love the post!
we did away with loads of commercial gifts a few years back and what a difference it makes.
+Betty Ann Heggie is absolutely correct: celebration dinners and get togethers shouldn’t leave us filled with dread, but energized. Huzzah! Now to make it happen!
What a great idea for a giveaway!! I have done this before 🙂 Buy the coffee for the people behind me and have had it bought for me! Its a awesome feeling when you go to pay and they say the person in front paid 🙂
Absolutely! What a wonderful idea…I will be paying it forward for sure!
I used to be a Christmas over-achiever. Now, I just do what I can and I am more relaxed. I have also reduced big get-togethers in favour of small ones where I can actually get a chance to sit and talk to people and enjoy the time not running back and forth from the kitchen. We also drastically reduced our Christmas gift giving budgets (in our family) so it does not feel so commercial and we try to buy more consumable gifts that we know people like and will use.
I often give donations to several charities during the Christmas season, but don’t have time to do much personal giving (donating time, helping friends etc.) I’ve been thinking about how I can change my Christmas activities and preparations so that I can give my time as well.
My husband and I have actually already decided to rethink our Christmas and have left it low key and stress-free as we have a 3 week old and we want to enjoy our first Christmas with him. We are also very fortunate that after a scary beginning for him, he is doing very well and it makes us think of those people who aren’t as lucky as we are.
The idea that it isn’t the gift but what we put into giving really resonates with me. We are struggling financially a bit, so it will be good to keep this in mind.
After 75% of my whole town was flooded, and our house was unaffected, I seen what the town went through, losing everything that had to their name. I feel so fortunate for what we have, and it is always so important to remember the ones who are less fortunate, or don’t know who or how to ask for help. Definitely an eye opener!
We gave more than usual this season and very glad to see smiles on faces. We are connecting this year and spending more quality time with our loved one. Lots of good old fashion board gaming.
I honestly have felt the stress this year physically. I made the decision to stop taking on work weeks earlier than usual and so glad I did. I’d love to give out some gift cards to some families who i know would love it.
This Christmas has got me realizing what is really important. We had a whirlwind of a year with many health issues and surgeries . I am blessed to reconnect with the people who mean the most during these difficult times.
Yes, defining what is important in my life.
We always try to give of ourselves. Sadly this year we are victims of poor health and the situation doesn’t allow us to give to each other. Our only diversion is to give of ourselves through volunteering (when I can). It a temporary pick me up.
We dont have much financially this year with only one income however I’ve made some things to donate and have also donated some contest wins. It feels great!
I always try to reinforce the idea of giving is as good as receiving with my kids. I would definitely take that 100$ and take the kids shopping for other kids and donate to our local toy drive. watching my kids pick out the toys they’d like and gift them to others would make me happy and hopefully them too.
We lost our grandmother Christmas day 2009. The whole day is hard. This year we decided to try not to dwell on it . We are traveling to Florida for Christmas this year and we are just going to have fun.
Great post. For the last couple years, I’ve been trying to take the whole holiday season calmly with the attitude, if I don’t get it all done, so what? For family get-togethers it really helps if it s a potluck.
Also, what a fun thing to buy coffee for the person behind you! What fun!
This year we are focusing on just spending time with loved ones creating memories. Also we were able to give the gift of bringing my friends daughter from out of town to be with her mom over the holidays this year, that is a very special gift of connection.
The past few years i am been trying to get away from the materialistic side of christmas to concentrate on the spirit of the season instead. I thought i had to host the big dinners and be the perfect hostess and now i focus on family and giving this time of year instead!
wonderful post I focus on family and friends, we donate but not only cash or items, we donate time…as a family welove to spend time together baking, decorating ..or just wathing a movie..we do not concentrate on the holiday frenzy! having my husband in the hospital just before christmas a few years ago and almost losing him set our priorities for us!!! Teaching the kids that it doesn’t take all the trappings and expensive things to have a great holiday season!!
I believe that Christmas isn’t about the money but about spending time together as a family and making traditions or keeping old ones alive.
Keep calm! Spend more time with family and not worry so much about all the materialistic things
I have enjoyed ‘quieter’ Christmas days in the last few years. It is still a work in progress but my day is no longer spent on the road driving here and there. My daughter usually comes over in the morning and last year I hosted a brunch for my Mum and daughter.
I have always put a lot of thought into my gift giving. they are never based on cost, but rather I find items that the person would love but not splurge on, or that helps them grow in some way. So it is rare that I gift the latest cool item – my gifts are personal, and thought out. And visiting over the holidays is about relaxing and spending quality time with people. I think on the of keys to being this way is to be finished your shopping early – which I always do. that way you avoid the hustle and bustle of the malls.
ps this would have been better typed and formatted if my cat helped me a little less.
Yes, but i am not entering in the Christmas frenesy…the focus is just being reunited with loving ones.
Remember the important things and be grateful for what we have – family, friends, health.
I’ve never been focused on the material at Christmas, so my view hasn’t changed. But I’ll take more time to contemplate this season.
Focusing on spending time with family & friends rather than the Xmas present
It definitely helped me rethink christmas, especially with the kids this year.
I’m not much of a holiday person, and this strengthened that
It hasn’t really, but that’s because I’ve already removed a lot of my holiday stressors (and I’m lucky enough to have a family I look forward to spending time with).
I am stressed, but it has nothing to do with the holidays.
No because I don’t stress about the holidays, I don’t exchange gifts with friends or family, just spend time with them.
I do try to donate to the food banks and the Salvation Army this time of year. And I love the holidays and the shopping, it’s not stressful to me at all.
I love the holidays and try to temper taking care of my community with my immediate circle of friends and family.
Spend more time with family and friends!
Quite honestly I have not been in the Christmas spirit and have way more to stress about than that. I am quite the Scrooge this year and just cant into it. So, this year has been re thought FOR me. When things come up to take focus off other things you learn what priorities are. Health is as they say…without your health you have nothing.
Yes, the point about “empty” gatherings and dinners is very interesting.
Yes, really trying to focus on being, peaceful and joyful everyday, not just for a season
Yes, I’m really making an effort to turn the focus this year from “stuff” and obligations to doing what makes my heart happiest.
I have always thought the main idea of the holidays for me are about friends and family. It’s about giving and recieving love.
our big thing is spending time together as a family .. we bake, cook & play games.. we even have sing alongs & skits the kids put on.. which is strange since all the kids are in their late teens & 20’s.. they love the silly games we play & the silly little kid prizes i find.
This year we are unable to travel to see family so we’re hosting Christmas dinner for others who are alone for Christmas
Not really, have never made a huge deal out of Christmas.
Christmas isn’t about the money but about spending time together as a family and friends & spreading the love
family and friends are the most important thing
reminds me that giving comes from the heart, and it’s not just about ‘stuff’ – it’s about spending time with people you love and giving time to community organizations who need help.
Trying to focus on spending time with my family instead of spending it in the mall
yes it has changed my perspective. we’ve been trying to distance ourselves from all the hoopla involved in christmas lately. we love just being able to see each other and spend time together since we’re all so busy the rest of the year.
We all need to re-shift our focus…Giving all we can, when we can.
My perspective sure has changed…too much focus on buying gifts rather than spending quality time with family..its far better to give than to receive
Yes it has made me rethink the holiday season
I am trying to focus on the “charity” side of the holidays, not so much the mass consumerism that everyone’s so overwhelmed with. Why stress over things when you could be doing something to make other people’s lives easier?
I’ve tried to spend more time with family and friends than than exchanging gifts.
YES WONDERFUL !!
I don’t live near my family so getting to see them at Christmas is already such a treat. I appreciate all the time we get to spend together and I know my family does too. We have definitely moved away from materialistic stuff.
My son is still young enough that its all new tradition making! We are focusing on family time together and giving to those in need. Not just financially but our time as well.
Spending time with family is what matter mosts, materials come and go
yes it has!
I am always telling my girls it’s not about the money or gifts, it’s all about family putting away there differences and coming together it’s always better to have family and friends
I was already there. Being ill puts things into perspective. I want to be in the moment, keep things simple and just be grateful!!! Not being drawn into holiday drama is difficult though but it is a choice.
It makes me so happy to hear that others focus on less stress, more quality time with family during the holiday season!
I never really see Christmas as being stressful. I see it as a time to reunite with family and friends and have a good time, enjoy each other’s company, and eat great food.
So true! This is definitely something we are trying to focus on. We have tried to buy less, stick to a budget and spend time with Family who matter 🙂
Yes, this year focusing on spending with family and friends, not so much on parties and material stuff.
yes, I have been taking things slow trying not too get too stressed, hoping it will all fall into place
the holidays have become such a materialistic nightmare. we choose instead to spend the time off enjoying quality time with our children, playing games and bonding.
I think Christmas is a great to time to up our giving and to think of others less fortunate than ourselves. But we shouldn’t need a special holiday to get us giving and doing good. This needs to be our frame of mind all year round.
I like everything simple. I never over do no matter what events. What important is to have fun and have a good quality time.
Family always!
My focus is on our soon to arrive newborn baby!
My family is number one. I always try to teach my boys about giving to others.
Giving is always the focus of the season for me!
Don’t stress about making the extended family happy about your Xmas plans – its the kids & hubby who count.
You are right – we get caught up in the busy ness of the season and don’t take time to consider the reason for the season – to give and be thankful. Great postings!
My family is not very close but we always come together for the holidays. Have to remember the real reason for celebration which is your loved ones.
We just love hanging out together and relaxing over the holiday season
I have to admit I’ve been a little stressed out and found this article relaxing. It has definitely shifted my focus. Thank you!
I think that I need to remember that it’s about giving.
It made me think that I have to share the work load more so I’m not so drained on the holidays
I definitely think that giving to others is a win-win situation. You can help others in need and it leaves you feeling fulfilled.
I don’t stress over the holidays. I’m not much of a baker since my fiancee is diabetic and we don’t host any of our family dinners. We have also agreed as a family no gifts between the adults (mom excluded) so that doesn’t leave much other than sit back and enjoy Christmas.
We now have small family dinners, instead of the “the typical ‘empty’ dinners and large gatherings” that stressed us out.
Love my family! and teaching them the importance of giving to others and being very fortunate for what they have
Besides enjoying the holidays, giving is just as important and can’t be overlooked
The Holidays have greatly changed over the years in our families, now we only do very small reunions, but they are still good, because we are together 🙂
I will give it to the caregivers that take care of my mum as a small new year bonus for the wonderful care they give her.
I always enjoy Betty’s post + this is a great reminder to think of others who are less fortunate during the holidays…and all year. I often feel like I don’t do enough.
It is truly a stressful time, and sometimes it is easy to overwhelmed, I really need to take some time and slow down.
Now that we have a daughter it seems the season has gotten even busier, but we need to realize that because of her we need to not get lost in it and focus on the more important things!
that everyone’s broke, especially me
I told myself I wasn’t going to stress this year and not do as much. And I have stuck to that. I feel much better than previous years.
I don’t stress over the Christmas stuff anymore. I have a couple of must dos…. Mail a Santa letter, photo with Santa.
I came into the season feeling overwhelmed but have since changed that and I’m thankful for everything and won’t take anything or anyone for granted. A girl at my DD7s school (same age) has been diagnosed with DIPG – an always fatal brain tumor that has a median life expectancy of 9-12 months. The school and community have come together to rally around this family as they seek expensive alternative treatment in the US.
Yes this post did affect me. It reminded me that there are others in need and giving is good for the spirit.
I definitely like how Betty noted “Celebrations should give us energy.” I think that is a key point that everyone should take note of. Celebrating for the sake of celebrating is not really celebrating at all! It’s so much more.
I know now I am not responsible for someone else’s happines. I will do things to make my family happy, and make sure I follow thru on the items I tend to put off.
Very informative.
This year we leaned more towards giving than receiving. Since we were both unemployed for a couple of months before these holidays we seriously had to rethink Christmas for ourselves already. I assume no one really understands this point of view unless they are in that situation. We got both our kids the one present they really wanted but with one of the gifts we relied heavily on any donations that came in through grandparents giving our kids Christmas money and then bought our son a tablet. My wife’s Christmas gift was 2 blog wins that I passed onto her and my daughter’s 2 gifts were 1 blog win gift and 1 Instant Win gift card redemption for the Holiday Barbie doll. My gift was a blog win also. something that I had really wanted and finally won after 8 years of entering a contest for it. All in all it was a good christmas at low cost, but one that as a family we get through together.
I’m all about the pay it forward!!! I actually belong to a local pay it forward web page in out area and thing every town/city/state should have. It allows for people to give free advice, offer goods or devices just for the sheer joy of helping out and how It makes them feel!
In my younger years I allowed myself to stress, stress, stress. Nothing ever worked out as I had planned it.. It still doesn’t.. It’s just now I know that accepting things for what they are and ‘going with the flow’ is the only way to be… I now host a POT LUCK. I provide ONE item.. Turkey or something, and ask everyone to bring something. No worries.. It is what it is.. It’s sad to see the “stress” others go through knowing they are trying to force the JOY of the season, when all they have to do is relax and “feel” the joy.. I love to give and I teach my kids the same…. I will be a grandma in 2014 and am so excited…. can’t wait for the new year to bring it on..
I am accepting these days and especially around the holidays. I know my limits, I set budgets, do prep work, and spend time spreading a little love around.
Definitely has made me think that we have too many ‘wrong’ priorities in our lives these days.
Coming from humble beginnings, the hope and belief of Christmas melts my heart. Making a child’s wish come true is usually a easy yet important thing to do for that child will grow up and remember the generosity of s omeone kind.
The ice storm around us has already helped to shift our focus on what is really important…
always about my family 🙂
Yes. It’s about showing others love so they can pay it forward as well!
The ice storm has made me reevaluate my priorities.
I like the idea of this giveaway, to use the funds for a good deed
I’ve rethought and reevaluated all of my priorities since being diagnosed with advanced cancer a few months back.
I love to give. I love to shop for others not no much for myself. My children and grandchildren live miles away and I try and help them out as much as I can. I was lucky enough to win some Butterball gift certificates which I ended up sharing with my son who also shared with one of his neighbors. That made me happy that he did that.
Yes it has made me think quite a bit! Important to take time out pace myself etc and remember I cannot do it all!
my focus has always been to give rather than take! We try to keep that focus all year round , not just during the holdays
Yes. I know how stressful holidays can be for some people and gatherings are not always the light, carefree celebrations that they are expected to be. It is important to focus on the spirit of the season and enjoy the time we have with family and friends.
This year I’ve been thinking a lot about the stress we put ourselves under. Definitely need to refocus what it all means.
My child! Thank god i have her!
That with all the celebrations still happening, I need to refocus on enjoying them and not stressing to make them perfect.
We did very few presents this year, because first of all we needed to save our money but also because we were encouraged to make it about not spending an arm and a leg to please people. To give them acts of services or help people out!
family for sure!
I realized I need to focus more on me and not on making sure everything is perfect. Nothing is going to go right if I do not take care of myself.
This has got me thinking about more unconventional ways to spread the joy this season. One thing I really enjoyed this week was when my kids and I invited our elderly neighbour over to bake with us. She hesitated at first but when we finally convinced her to come, it was so much fun for us all. Normally we would just bring her treats but making the treats with her made it such a special day!
The health of my inlaws.
I realize I need to focus more on family that I do about the gifts for them. It should be the gift of visiting and great laughs
I think I may have been experiencing some “depression” going into this holiday – stress related? Probably… It can be hard not to put too much pressure on yourself when you want to make Christmas and the holiday perfect for everyone else! has this changed my perspective – yes…
This post doesn’t change my perspective, it is in line with it. I’ve been questioning the rationale of certain holiday traditions for quite a while now. It’s nice to see that a lot of people are changing the way that they choose to celebrate, and creating new and sometimes more meaningful traditions for themselves and their families.
I would treat my mama to a spa day. we had an extremely up and down year, and she really needs everything she can get to help her relax. we have really spent this holiday season holding our family close, and trying to remember we are what is important, not things.
We taught our kids about paying it forward and random acts of kindness a couple of weeks ago. We gave them a task to combine the two. On Christmas Eve morning I mentioned to my ex husband that i wasnt sure they got it. We bought them each a chocolate milk and two timbits. My son asked if we had money for coffee and timbits. I slowly said sure and he said its for the crew doing the balcony work at our building – its cold and it might help. We ended up buying the timbox of hot coffee and a 40 pack timbits. When we delivered it the kids told us to get the guy incharge – and they explained everything to them and the kids walked away with big smiles and the guys smile and wave when they see our kids everyday since.