10 Baby Laws

It’s been so much fun these past 5 months being back in the baby-stage in our household.  It’s true that the 3rd time around, you take more things in stride and definitely enjoy the baby time more.  Still, there are those no-fail baby laws that remind me that this little girl still rules the roost.  In no particular order, the baby laws in our household are:

1. Baby will sleep like a champ for weeks, but when grandma and grandpa visit for some inexplicable reason baby will scream and arch her back for one full hour before bedtime, thereby assuring the grandparents that clearly, mom does not have her sh*t together.

2. The one time baby has a diaper blow out comparable to an erupting volcano is the one time you left the house with a single, lonely, diaper wipe in your travel case (true story!)

3. On the day before family photos baby will find a way to catapult her tiny body off her play mat, into the corner of her crib, or simply onto the hardwood floor ensuring there’s a fresh bruise or scratch to make the special day.

4. On a road trip, baby will refuse to sleep until approximately 10 minutes before arriving at the destination.

5. When baby is old enough to put into an excersaucer or other such contraption, doing so will require herculean effort.  Holding baby in one arm while trying to get wiggly octopus like legs through the tiny leg openings in the seat will leave you sweaty.  2 minutes after baby is finally in, she will decide it is no longer fun and want out.

6. The minute you brag on Facebook about your baby sleeping well, this will come to a full and complete stop.  Don’t do it!

7. Buying expensive toys promising to make your baby a genius will only result in a frustrated mama when baby prefers cardboard boxes and banging pots and pans instead.

8. On the same week you decide to start solids, baby will learn how to spit.  A lot.

9. Causing moms everywhere to get goosebumps, and even causing this mom to gag, baby will have an inexplicable need to lick shopping cart handles.  The dirtier, the better.

10. The one time you forget to close the baby gate, baby will attempt a slalom.  Take a deep breath mama, they’re actually not that bad at it (my 2 year old did a pretty impressive somersault down the stairs once infront of our guests, much to their horror…I was almost used to it by then.)