There’s an interesting article that was posted this weekend in Saturday’s Globe and Mail by Margaret Wente illustrating the ongoing battle (yes battle) between the breastfeeding and formula feeding camps. I promised myself I wouldn’t let myself get sucked back into the debate now that I have an infant again. It seems like it’s so prevalent when you have a baby under the age of one – some people get outright hysterical about defending their position on the topic – and then once your baby moves on to the next stage of life you’re dealing with other issues altogether and the big bad breast vs. formula debate suddenly isn’t as interesting.
A few months ago when I was still pregnant, I wrote a post explaining why nursing products wouldn’t be a part of my reviews on the blog and was humbled and saddened by some of the comments left by readers. It makes me angry that so many of you were left feeling guilty or inadequate having not been able to breastfeed or for choosing not to as I have. I feel especially bad for those who educated themselves, made the decision to breastfeed and passionately wanted to do so only to have problems along the way. I can’t relate to that but can certainly understand how frustrating that must be.
Reading some of the comments left after the article by Ms. Wente, I was again saddened…and then angered at some of the stgories left by moms who shared that they were left feeling guilty for either not being able to breastfeed or choosing not to – whether it was from comments given by nurses, lactation consultants, their mothers or even their best friends.
Before each of my babies was born, when sharing my choice to formula feed with friends, I was always given at least one warning to “be careful” or “look out” when in the hospital because surely some aggressive nurse or LC was going to hunt me down and go head to head with me while my feet were still up in the stirrups. I prepared myself – Feisty girl was ready to brawl – but it never once happened.
Three deliveries in three different hospitals here in Saskatchewan and not once did a nurse, doctor, or anyone even turn their head to the side to ask, “Why?” and I’m not sure why that was. My only guess is that, each time, I stated my choice was to formula feed exclusively so there was no indication that I was on the fence and therefore had the possibility of being swayed one way or the other. My opinion is that, if there is a chance a new mom might breastfeed, there is therefore an argument to be made to her on why she should. Add in the exhaustion from labor, the fear of everything that comes with being a mom to a newborn baby, and you’ve got a mom open to most anything you’d suggest (yes, formula too…it goes both ways, it’s just that the posters and pamphlets in the hospital are all about breastfeeding).
I don’t know what would have happened should a nurse or doctor been silly enough to go toe to stirrup with me on my choice – I doubt I would have felt guilty or pressured but that’s likely more to do with my personality than anything.
Since this wasn’t my experience, is it still very common to feel pressured to breastfeed while in the hospital? It’s a fine line here – there’s a difference between being pressured and being educated on your choices. Is the pressure something real or is it the perception of the new mom? Breast is best, we hear that over and over and the medical community shares this message which I don’t think there’s anything wrong with. My issue is with the pressure and the guilt inducing comments some people say are coming at them in the hospital.
This wasn’t my experience – was it yours? Is the guilt being put upon new moms or self-imposed?
If it’s self-imposed guilt for the perception that you’ve somehow failed at motherhood, mama you need to rest up. You’ve got a lifetime of failing at being the perfect mother – because she doesn’t exist. Do right by your children and be the best mother you know how to be. The sooner we all stick to that mantra and ignore the judgement of others, the further ahead we’ll all be (on our way to the playground). Meet you at the sandbox.
I had opposite experiences. I knew i wanted to exclusively breastfeed. With two of my three, I was pressured to formula feed. I was made to feel like my baby would suffer if I didn’t formula feed. With my first, her blood sugar was low and while I was told that formula would need to be given to bring her levels up. They wouldn’t even release her from the nursery until I agreed to the formula. With my third, he had not pooped after 24 hours. I was told it was because he was not getting any milk from me and was told to give him formula more than once. Turns out he had a meconium plug and so his lack of pooping was unrelated to breastfeeding. But basically my experiences have been that formula feeding is pushed, not breastfeeding. I do think it’s sad that so many moms are so judgmental of others who have made different choices for whatever reason.
I try to stay out of the debate as well. I was pressured to breastfeed by some nurse on a power trip with my youngest son, who is now almost 3 months. I was told that it was better for him, didn’t I read all the articles on it, blah blah blah. After I told her I was well informed she came back later with a bunch of material for me to read. I was LIVID. I told her off right there, threw the pamphlets in the garbage right in front of her too.
I have also heard from a friend of mine about a similar formula story as well. I guess it just depends on the hospital and the people working in it.
I agree with Brandi. I also think it’s very sad that people are judgmental about this topic. More so because it places women at each others throats about what’s right and wrong. When the truth is no one can tell anyone what is right for their own child or themselves.
Yup! I was ‘that’ Mom! I wanted so badly to breast feed my son, and I tried for 21 days while the LC and public health nurse trid to help get mt milk to come in. 21 days of nursing for 5 min on each side, then S and S feeding with formula (tube taped to breast) then 15 min of pumping then sterilize everything, then do it all over again about 2 hours later. My milk never came, I was on herbs, Rx drugs and eating anything and everything people recommended. In the end, my the public health nurse told me to stop, that there was nothing more I could do, and my milk just wasn’t going to come in. But because of how hard they pushed in the hospital, I felt sick about it for months. The first time I bottle fed in public I burst into tears and left to feed my baby in the car. What should be taught and pushed is this, breast is best, but its not for everyone, and formula does an amazing job. My son is more than great and when we decide we are ready for baby # 2, I’m going straight for that bottle with pride and confidence in my choice! Come on Mama’s, its our babies, our bodies and our minds, let’s keep healthy (physically and mentally) for our little bundles of joy! Take pride in your choice, whatever that is!
Jennifer that makes me so sad (and mad!) thinking about you bursting into tears like that! That’s so so wrong. Those first few precious months with a newborn should be filled with pride.
You are MOM, everything you do is AMAZING and should be celebrated!
I have to say that when it comes to mothering choices from what diapers to use and whether or not to breast feed, I made my own choice for myself and keep my opinions to myself as well. No one should be made to feel guilt at those decisions.
My boys never latched but I breast fed for about 5 months. I felt pressured from a LC and nurse and my mother in law. I did give formula though in the hospital and to supplement at home. I hate people that bash your decision to formula feed!
While breastfeeding is a highly recommended option no one ever pushed it. In fact when stressed or upset nurses would tell me not to worry and relax and offered to bring formula if I would like or take the baby and let me rest. I attempted breast feeding with all 3 of my children. The 1st 2 I fought so hard to breast feed. It just was not working well. With child #3 I found that my struggle all those years was due to having inverted nipples! This news came day 2 of trying to breast feed my youngest. I was given some rubber nipples that went over mine to help draw them out (I can’t remember what they are called). I was told after using them for a little while it would “train” my nipples and I would no longer need the covers. Well, turns out that they did work, but at that point my baby was used to them and would not nurse without them. After a couple months of losing these things and misplacing them (they are clear) and just being tired with a baby that wanted to nurse constantly, I decided for eveyones sanity I would stop. Now I had a freezer full of breast milk so even though she was slowly going to a bottle she was continuing breast milk with a occasional bottle of formula here and there until the breast milk was gone and I was dried up. I understand both sides, but I do not understand peoples unreasonable extreme thoughts on either.
I am appalled, I have never had children (: But ladies they make formula for a reason!! If you want to breast feed great if you opt for formula great!! It’s a choice YOU have to make and know best, just like every other decision you will make in your childs life. As long as they grow up to be kind human beings that’s all that matters! IF you don’t make a mistake as a parent you would definately be the first one, just my 2 cents.
I was the one that chose to breast feed. I did with my daughter who had a difficult time at first due to premature birth and with my three month old, he took to it like a fish in water. No one put anything on me. No one presumed to tell me how to feed my child and that was wonderful. I know if I wasn’t a SAHM, I would have a more difficult time with feedings but, I am and I do what I think is best.
I am honest, I do find it sad when women don’t even try to BF. Sad because I know now the experiences you have as a BF mom. I know all the “stats”, and they go for a long time to come in the life of the child. The milk is species specific, so on and so on. BUT, I don’t tell anyone they’re wrong or attack them. I just think that’s pretty futile and pisses a woman off!
Kelly B says it all. It’s a personal choice and no mom should be pushed into feeling guilty. I tried to breastfeed with my first one for 6 weeks and finally had to give him a bottle because he would not take the breast anymore. That’s who he is. He likes to gulp his food. I tried with my second one and it was a charm. He loved the cuddling and closenest and taking his time to eat. He is still like that. Two boys, two different personnalities.
I think this is why it’s great to have a birth plan ahead of time. This will tell your OB doctor and hospital what you want. I know things change sometimes. Maybe you find out you want an epidural when before you wanted to go all natural. My birth plan with Mica was set up for an all natural birth, and he was breech. He was born with a cyst under his tongue and was tongue tied. Things in my plan changed dramatically. Expect that things can change! Breastfeeding was HARD! It was something I wanted to do, so I stuck with it. If I was on the fence I would have surely picked formula. Latching him was a pain! I totally don’t hold judgment for those who choose to go with formula. Breastfeeding can be a real stress to mom and baby. On the other side, once I got past the first month it was really enjoyable. I think a lot of mom’s who breastfed exclusively for awhile would agree that at first you feel like a milkmaid, and after the first month it’s enjoyable. It does save a lot of money. Especially for those babies that seem to be allergic to most formulas.
Finally! A blogger that is pro choosing what’s best for your baby. I am so so so so so sick of reading blogs and forums that push breastfeeding/nonvacs/cloth diapers and make you feel like you are the worst mother for chosing formula/vacs/disposables (I know you didn’t touch on the other 2 but figured I would throw those out ;-)). I always feel like I have to explain why I’m supplementing with formula. This is baby #4 and I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad. With baby #1 she quit at 6 wks, baby #2 was a traumatic birth so we went straight to formula. The LC stopped in I told her we are giving him formula and she left. The nurse warned me about all the pain I was going to be in bc of all the “milk” umm no pain bc I had no milk! My 3rd I did til my bp meds changed so we stopped and #4 we are still bfing at 3 mon but will happily give him a bottle bc I don’t produce enough. He wasn’t gaining weight I was told to feed constantly and pump and take herbs (which raised my BP sky high and sent me to the ER!) and eating the “right foods”. I esp hate how a person w/ 1 child tries to tell me I’m doing it wrong or yayy for giving your baby breastmilk its the best blah blah blah your not giving him that evil poison (yest I read a comment how formula was poison and companines only make it to make money ohh for crying out loud!). Ok I’m getting off my soapbox but seriously thank you for writing this it made my day =). And SHAME on those who think they know best when they really don’t know anything.
I made the decision to breast feed after doing some reading. Though while pregnant with your first baby there really isn’t a lot fo infor out there for fomula feeding. I was supprised how hard it was. For me the pressure didn’t come in until after I made my decision, it was now that I had to commit no matter the cost to me. mostly from health nurses. At my son’s 4 month appointment (after I had just got him on a routine) that he had only gained a few ounces and the nurs looked at me and said I had to start to feed on demand again. I should state that my son was never a “good latcher” and I was always soar and cracked and bleeding. I went home and cried to some mommy friends that helped me realise that I didn’t HAVE to do anything. That day Imoved my son to formula and he was a different kid! Happy and the scedual just fell into place. I did feel guilty for a while but really enjoyed my freedom to eat whatever I wanted and go out by myself…what a concept!
Now with my second son I am breast feeding again, and have discovered that I don’t enjoy it! For me its not the wonderful bonding experience it is for some, and I don’t feel guilty abotu that! (I think I did the first time around) That being said he is 2 months and Im still breast feeding, but not much longer and I won’t give it a second thought when I quit.
Just don’t think the grass is always greener on the other side! Just like everything else breast feeding is a very individual experience.
You might want to check out Wente’s borrowed “misquotations” in that article on breastfeeding:
http://mediaculpapost.blogspot.com/2011/05/margaret-wente-plagiarism-and.html
Eleanor Roosevelt said “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission” and she couldn’t have been more right!!! Parenting in general is not an exact science, there is no one perfect way to do everything right from pregnancy through the teen years and beyond! The only thing that should be consistent in parenting is making an informed decision about whatever the issue may be and be willing to be flexible with your choices. If plan A doesn’t work OR you change your mind, why shouldn’t you switch it up?? I have 4 kids of my own and while plan A of breastfeeding worked great for me, there are plenty of other things that have gone to plan B,C, etc! We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time and while hindsight is always 20/20, we can only use that information to make different decisions in the future!!!
Very good discussion> I am currently breastfeeding my son and am completely for it – as well as NIP. However, i don;t think feeding your baby formula is inferior. Quite frankly, i am happy people are making sure their babies’ needs are met. I was formula fed from 4mths on and I am perfectly alright :)It is an individual choice. It did annoy me in the hospital that I was told the baby could receive formula. Its silly because your body starts to regulate to your baby’s needs. I think they are many different experiences and all are valid.
Just because I promote bf, it is a personal choice, i think formula feeding is legitimate as well.I have problems with forcing either. Also, i realise that formula was developed as a necessity to help out in the developing world ( a double edged sword to be sure but so are many policies) It does annoy me when hardcore lactivists disagree completely with formula feeding> It doesn’t help the issue. There are problems and bf is not for everyone. I hope people get the support they need– whether for bf or ff.
I had the opposite experience- i wanted to breastfeed and was not shown ANY support from the hospital at all! In fact they fed my daughter 2 ounces of formula !