Marriages go through ups and downs, lulls and passion, and for some, very turbulant times that a couple isn’t able to overcome. Having watched more than one marriage end among our friends (we’re in our late 30’s which is the scary part, looking at most marriages around us only being 10 years in), it’s always been important for us to find ways to keep our marriage strong, fresh, and yes exciting when we’re really really exhausted from dealing with – everythinginlife. <– when you put words together like that it makes them more dramatic, just so you know.
Our family recently had our annual family photos done and one of the reasons I love my photographer is because she likes capturing everyone individually and in groups – the sisters together, father and son, and even my husband and I. It’s nice having photos of just us through the years, though it seems like as the years go by we sometimes even get more awkward together posing. It was during our photo session that I remarked, “You smell good, what are you wearing!” to my husband. I hadn’t had the opportunity to nuzzle into his neck in a long time, so the scent was a surprise. “Um…body wash?” was his reply. Yep, after 13 years of marriage it certainly doesn’t take much for amore with us I guess.
Still, it’s easy to get wrapped up in life and let your marriage suffer. While I’m not an expert (I wish I had all the answers!) here are five ways that work to keep a marriage strong, based on 13 years of not losing my mind when the socks are 3ft from the hamper:
1) As mentioned, don’t sweat the small stuff. That’s way easier said than done but have you noticed that when you’re in a particularly crusty mood everything your spouse does drives you crazy? If you find yourself focusing on every little fault, if the mere sound of him breathing is getting on your nerves, whoa mama, step back and figure out what’s really going on. Pick your battles, if there’s an issue in your relationship it certainly needs to be addressed, but if you’re just picking away at the small stuff, figure out what’s really bothering you and – quite bluntly – just deal with it. Don’t use your spouse as the scapegoat for your boss, child, best friend or cashier ticking you off.
2) Make time for each other. We just hired a babysitter for the first time this summer (and our kids are 10, 7 and 3) beyond family caregivers. So, I entirely get it when you say that weekly date-nights are not possible. You can have date nights, or move-nights, or Netflix-binge-watching nights together at home when the kids are in bed! Bonus points if you snuggle beside him on the couch instead of in your favorite armchair (he’ll probably spill his popcorn in surprise!)
3) Make time for yourself. Being able to have your own interests and friends makes you a more interesting and friendly person. I totally became wrapped up in my household and family when we moved to a small community with very little to do. It made me grouchy, and I resented my husband for being able to go to work and have a social life, even if it was in an office. When you have a life outside the house, it gives you great material for those couch snuggle sessions or date night dinners.
4) Be spontaneous! Remember when you were dating and you’d leave a racy note for him, or plan a romantic night in the middle of the week? Don’t stop doing that now. Now, we live in a world of text messages which can be really fun and playful and a great way to connect with your spouse during the day. Buy him a card once in awhile, cook in the kitchen together while listening to your favorite music, let your kids see that you’re still in love, playful and maybe even a little kissy in the kitchen (which always makes my kids freak out!)
5) Put a lock on your bedroom door. This not only eliminates the worry that the kids will barge in on you at any moment but it honestly, truly, gives you a space of your own as a couple. Just because the door is locked doesn’t mean mom and dad are getting frisky – it just means you and your spouse have your own space to connect, talk, and even watch Netflix in bed without the kids running in. What happens after that is entirely up to you.
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Hubby and I snuggle on the couch pretty much every night :). We live a half hour out of the closest city, so date nights get to be difficult, especially if we want to have a couple drinks together.
my husband is in camp during the week so we do go out often when he is home. We like to get together with friends and make a dinner/drinks/ and dancing out of it
We like to be spontanous every once and awhile.
We let each other pick a couples trip. This past Summer we did all my cute little trips like the zoo, camping etc (we have a daughter to tag along as well) but Summer 2015 its his turn, and we are taking the harley to south dakota for the motorcycle rally in Sturgis.
Make time for each other jumps out to me. My days are filled with kids and his are filled with work, so often when we are alone together we fall into the habit of talking about kids and work. We have found we have to really focus on spending time with each other that is purely about us as a couple without the distractions.
Be spontaneous is a great tip!
Be spontaneous is one that we do. We like to keep the spark alive and make time for each other and do special unexpected things to keep keep it all interesting. Afternoon dates, turning off the tv and talking, little notes, emails and texts are things we do
These are all great tips! We try to take time each day for us, whether it is a cuddle on the couch or coffee together just to reconnect and have that personal contact. Life is so busy these days it is so east to let your relationship slide so it is so important to MAKE TIME to be together.
Great post! me and my hubby love to go out for dinner
all amazing tips but dont sweat the small stuff stands out the most to me and is so important!! not worth it
I think the making time for yourself is a very important part. being able to engage with your significant other will only be that more connected when you connect with yourself first.
i love the idea to be spontaneous. my husband is good at spur of the moment type things.
go to bed together:)
These are great suggestions. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and with 3 little boys, it becomes increasingly important to make our marriage a priority, both for us and for the boys.
I like the tip about not sweating the small stuff! An important thing to remember at all times ! If you need to step away for a while, do it!
I like the tip about not sweating the small stuff. It is so easy to get caught up and annoyed with every little detail in life. We lose sight of the big picture. I like to ask myself, “Will this really matter in 50 years from now?” and it helps to set things in perspective.
I like the tip about not sweating the small stuff! Keeping grudges make small arguments into big unnecessary ones.
Very good post. The tips are things many of us know are true but often do on a daily basis. Your article is a good reminder of these actions that are so very important for a healthy relationship.
My husband and I love to be spontaneous! Quck decision to go to the ocean front for a drink and appy’s is always fun!
Keep the television out of the bedroom, any bedroom would be a good idea for a marriage, and children’s bedroom
Everything is true 🙂 and i love the scent of a good smelling man too lol
“Make time for yourself” is a great tip. I still do all the travelling I like to do – even without my husband.
Cheers.
dont sweat the small stuff if only we did that in the beginning of marriage lol
All of it is great advice. Don’t sweat the small stuff is so true as sometimes those little things are not worth being upset for. Find the things that are good with both of you and enjoy each other.
Never go to bed mad, talk out your problems and always say I love you
Never go to bed mad at each other, always say I love you and talk out your problems
Making time for each other with all the travel we do for work we can actually forget to keep connected daily.
Best thing is a lock on the door. Just talking knowing that kids won’t be barging in is great. And always making time for each other is most important…one day the kids will be gone and you’ll have a stranger to get to know.
taking time for yourself is important for any relationship , but so hard when you have kids
I think it’s important to make time for each other, especially if there’s kids. Sometimes we are so consumed by being parents that we forget to be there for each other because we are So tired at the end of the day.
Make sure you go for some nights out
dont sweat the small stuff is good advice
Great suggestions! Making time for each other stands out most for me. We sometimes take each other for granted and it’s always nice to feel special and appreciated.
I just try to make sure he knows that he’s appreciated & loved. Seems to work we’re in our 39th year.
Making time for each other is a biggie. Kids shouldn’t be your everything, make time for the person you had kids with.
the hubby works away ALOT, so when hes home we try to spend time together, even if I am just with him while he is doing his business stuff
We spend a lot of time together on the couch, whether watching movies or a good ole hockey game.
My hubby is a mechanic so he comes home plenty dirty. I make sure to tell him how great he smells when he’s all cleaned up.
To reiterate a phrase “Silence Is Golden” – speaks volumes – pardon the pun. Life is hectic and chaotic enough – ever take the time to just sit without the sound of electronics and just meditate – rejuvenation/refuelled…should be a daily practice…the benefits of concentration and peace worth the 1/2 hour.
surprise each other
Pick your battles….There will be many and know when to compromise
Keep physical contact whenever you can, not necessarily in a sexual way. Hug, kiss, hold hands, rub each other’s head, shoulder, neck… Promotes physical closeness and intimacy.
I think it is really important to make time for each other
I could definately use teh reminder from all tehse tips. Thank you!!
Travel together! Even if it is an overnight road trip. Get a sitter and just go! The time alone and away will help keep the spark alive!
Making time for each other really resonates with me. Life moves so fast and when we get together its to do something that needs to be done. Setting up some couple time or date night is great advice.
I like the make time for yourself. That is such a must. Great ideas.
I think it is important to have time for yourself.
Making time for each other is a must in keeping a healthy relationship
!
I think these are all great tips!! People tend to forget that relationships can take work and compromise, but it’s so so worth it. You fell in love once….sometimes you just need to remind yourself of those reasons. And taking time to talk to each other and communicate can save a whole lot of headache or heartache. No one knows whats bothering you or what you want unless you tell them – your S.O included (even if you’re almost certain they can read your mind sometimes 😉 )
make time for each other is a great one. With our busy lives it is hard to remember.
amazing tips, I am one of those couples that didn’t make it, but no regrets it just wasn’t meant to be
Make time for each other. Make a date night. Somewhere quiet. Go somewhere where you run into someone else children whining.
Opps where you don’t run into someone else’s children whining.
We do have separate interests, so us getting out for a walk always helps us communicate more effectively. (Walk without the kids of course)
Great tips,,I need to focus on all of these!!
My wife and I already changed our doorknob to one with a keylock. She was frustrated that the kids keep running in at all times and even her mother who is 89 would just come in and fling on the light. We got fed up and changed it to a lock.
Be spontaneous and make time for yourself are great tips
great post. my husband and i struggle to find time together. hes up early for work so goes to bed shortly after kids are in bed. we need to schedule in more regular date nights
Hubby and I try to make time for each other just to talk and stay connected. Nothing fancy. A lunch date, coffee date, or even playing video games together. Last year we started walking together each evening. We both really looked forward to that each day. He lost over 100 pounds in the process.
My husband and I work on your tips too…We enjoy doing simple things like going out for coffee . Life can get in the way and sometimes I wish we could just escape to a secluded island…lol…
I love all the tips
I liked the tip about putting a lock on Mom and dad’s door. We try to make time for each other.
I entered your giveaway.
It would be great to win all 4 Dial for Men body washes.
In response to your requirement to share my thoughts on this post
and your questions of Does any suggestion stand out more than the others? Any additional tips to offer?
I enjoyed reading your post.The suggestion that stood out for me was number 2 Make time for each other
and i don’t have any additional tips to offer.
Thank you for having this giveaway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think making time for each other is most important. With two little ones that is hard to do. We have been hiring a babysitter more often lately so we can have that time. It’s also great for the kids – they like our sitter.
Don’t sweat the small stuff is a great advice. Communication is key to any successful relationship
“Be Spontaneous” – I think that’s so important to surprise each other and to do some things spontaneously to keep the love there!
Be spontaneous is very important. It keeps the creative juices alive and the romance going.
I love your tip to Make time for each other ,this is very important.
Never go to bed mad at each other!!!
They are all great tips!
They are all great tips!
I live the make time for each other
I always give Hubby compliments…especially when he smells good 🙂
definitely make time together and make time for yourself…hard when you have as many kids as we do, but very important.
Being spontaneous is a great tip.
Be spontaneous! Keep life exciting!
Definirly take time for one another..hubs and I like to go to the movies or on dessert dates