Giveaways and Reviews

How Important Is It To Be Liked?

Maybe it’s because spring is just around the corner and we tend to get a little, well, giddy. Or maybe it’s because Valentines Day is in our review mirror and we’re still feeling that glow. Whatever the case, if you look at popular culture and music – liking someone, I mean really really liking someone, is kind of a theme.

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While Carly Ray Jepsen sung it enthusiastically when I Really Like You was released a year ago this month, Gwen Stefani’s new release just weeks ago, Make Me Like You, takes a deeper look at the emotions that come with a new love – er – like. Both songs will be stuck in your head after hearing them (apologies) and perhaps it’s because they’re about such a basic facet of being human. We want to be liked. We gravitate towards likeable people. And we’re much happier when we’re with someone we really, really, really like.

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While these artists perfectly demonstrate what it’s like to become enamored with someone, it makes us all wonder what it’s like to be the focus of such intense attention, doesn’t it? What makes a person so absolutely magnetic and likeable? Why do we gravitate towards certain people – and really, how can we get more of whatever they’re dishing out. We all want to be liked!

In Betty-Ann Heggie’s recent blog post, she discusses what makes a leader likable. It’s actually not as complicated as you think, and has absolutely nothing to do with how much money, influence or good looks they have.

Betty-Ann explains that it comes down to two attributes – competence and likability. Through her years in business she saw time and time again how employees would overlook the flaws of a business associate, leader, or even service-person they liked, but would be quick to criticize a leader or fellow employee who they disliked, even if they were quite adept at their job.

“Nobody wants to follow a likeable leader who can’t deliver results,” explains Betty-Ann, “and nobody wants to follow a repulsive, but competent, leader either. Remember that both attributes are teamed together.” So, how does one combine both these attributes to be more liked – either as a boss, or as a partner in a much bigger venture – a marriage, for example?

It call comes down to embracing both your Feminine and Masculine energy, according to Betty-Ann. Masculine energy attributes like analysis, taking action and focusing on results belong to leaders everyone wants to work with. Attributes such asΒ collaboration, consensus building, listening, empathizing and caring for others are demonstrating Feminine energy and are traits we all look to in a solid leader.

“Whether you are a man or a woman, you have both masculine and feminine energy in you. Your job is to coax these energies out, embrace them and express yourself through them,” explains Betty-Ann, “Take time to display both masculine and feminine energy, paying special attention to using feminine energy to guide your interactions. That will increase your likeability and you’ll become a leadership magnet.”

I love this! It’s like a road map for not only successful managers but successful relationships in family, marriage, and even parenting as well. Remember the all too common good guy, bad guy parenting dynamic? We’ve all learned that doesn’t work, but that kids will respond to a parent who is emphatic but also sets rules and limits. Ah-ha! Lightbulb moment!

Having both Masculine and Feminine energy attributes presents a balanced approach, which should in turn gain solid results. You can read the entire blog post from Betty-Ann Heggie here.

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This month, we’re asking you to share a time when you increased your likeability. It could be in an employment situation, a family issue, maybe in your marriage or in parenting. I bet you didn’t realize that you were combining attributes from both Masculine and Feminine energy to do it! You’ll be entered to win $100 PayPal to celebrate you!

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  • In one job I had I was having issues because I was the manager and younger than the other employees so they really didn’t seem to like me. I had to work hard by taking them time to talk to them & listen to their concerns and this over time seemed to increase my likeability. You could say I had to prove myself to be liked.

  • I took the time to really get to know my colleagues and pay attention to their day-to-day – it makes a difference when you ask how their kids are by name!

  • A time i increased my likeability was moving into a new part of town where the folks who live their are mostly family and being the outsider we seemed to go unseen,but after a few batched of homemade cookies,and hubby does not mind cleaning the front of our neighbors driveway when the plow pasts.Gave a few teens a job to help with our moving chores and we are in….good goes along way when fitting in

  • I increase my likeability when I have a positive, up beat attitude and take my personal time to volunteer with organizations in need of extra helping hands.

  • That’s a tough one! I guess I increase my likability when I offer help to other moms, even with 3 little ones of my own. I also try to volunteer at my girls school!

  • I increase my likability when i volunteer and help out. I try to help out as much as i can. It is important to give back.

  • I used to think being liked revolved around around your looks. With maturity and experience I’ve learned its more about attitude and how you treat people. I worked at a store and my reputation was the light, jovial member of the team. This increased my likabiity regardless of whether my hair was properly coiffed! Thanks!

  • This is a challenging question – and I read the full article and totally agree I think there are people who are “born leaders” – sometimes it’s all in the delivery of a task and bringing it to fruition obvi helps.
    A time I increased my likability> Def in my new career – having spent 20+ yrs in one organization left me not needing to “prove myself” anymore – now I’ve had to do that all over again!

  • I increase my liveability when I truly listen to someone who is talking to me. I pay attention, repeat what I’m hearing and make the other person feel heard.

  • I am a manager at a bank and I always ensure that my team knows that Im approachable as well as fair. Sometimes ainhave to be firm, but fair, which the team respects and responds to well.

  • I increased my likability by being available to help and care for the ones around me and out in public. I feel I am genuine in caring and helping in the community!

  • For myself, I would say when I decided to just be more positive. I always pull out the positive and do not sit on heavy or negative issues.

  • I increased my likability by choosing to help and be accepting of people in my area that are of a different race and culture. Others had been ignorant and disrespectful.

  • I increased my likability when I started practicing meditation, especially loving kindness meditation. I found people liked me more then.

  • I increased my likeability when I became more confident in myself. Everyone is attracted to confident, happy people!

  • I find that I increase my own likeability when I feel good. Unfortunately, I have been having a terrible time this winter and have been really down so I know I have not increased it lately.

  • I have found that by taking time to listen to people and help them out that i have increased my likeablility at work and home.

  • I think my likeability comes from thoughtfullness. I try really hard to be kind to others… (I try). πŸ™‚

  • My likeability comes from my smile. I smile a lot and I make an effort to be friendly in “scary” situations. Those people have no idea how friendly you are normally. And it makes it easier on them.

  • I always bring humour to staff meetings, as soon as I get everyone to laugh, the meetings get better, and that increases my likeability. I’m all about positivity and I am a Cheshire cat with a permasmile! πŸ™‚ To know me is to love me! My bank account would find this PayPal win HIGHLY likeable!

  • In the past I have increased my like ability by pushing myself to be more outgoing, most times I would rather just keep to myself!

  • when I bought my home I increased my likability by having great neighbours where everyone gets along and helps each other when needed, just going out of your way to help others around you, by being thankful to those who help you out also, I have an elderly neighbour who goes out of his way daily helping people and he says appreciation and a thank you goes a long way and says alot about a person, but also he says if a person doesn’t show any appreciation when he does help them out he won’t do it again

  • I remember being in college and in a WORD class. I knew WORD like the back of my hand so whenever I finished an assignment during class, I would offer to help my classmates with their assignments. I made a whole lot of friends and it felt great to help out too. πŸ™‚

  • I increase my likability by always being there when someone needs a helping hand and always with a smile, I’ve been complimented many times about my upbeat, positive and the fact that I always wear a smile

  • I increased my likability by helping others when its needed. I am friendly to everyone and do my best to find good in everyone.

  • I try and be kind and thoughtful. I take note of the difficulties that people are facing in their daily lives and try to find ways to be of practical assistance πŸ™‚

  • I have recently had to step out of the box and take on more tasks at work. I am a PMP and never really wanted to take on the manager role. Recently I had to do it and it has earned me a spot to have a large say in how the building will be constructed.

  • I increased my likability when I decided to be more positive and not talking down about myself and everyone around me πŸ™‚

  • I increased my likeability by being considerate of others feelings, by listening (offering an ear) and by opening up our home to people for lunch/coffee and them becoming friends( I have a saying on my pantry door: WELCOME: May all who enter as guests leave as friends.) It works.

  • I share deals and finds with friends and co workers. But strangest is that I found people “like” me more just because I was pregnant.

  • I am not good at increasing my likeability. I would love to be able to but when i try it usually has the opposite effect. The only time it seems to work is when I’m able to help someone. Helping someone with something they need help with goes a long way.

  • My first full time job was one where I was the youngest there and most of the people had worked together for years. They were nice to me when I started but mostly talked among themselves. I liked to cook so i made some cookies and brought them and set them out in the break room with a note that said help yourself and enjoy. That was the start of being included in their conversations and I became one of the group and started loving my job even more by doing that one little thing.

  • I increased my likeability by being respectful and helpful to others! For example the time a friend had an appointment fr her youngest and she found out last minute she was not to take her other child, so I offered to watch her!

  • I have to bounce my example off of observation of someone I really like. It’s my physiotherapist. Over time I’ve realized her features that make her so good are exactly as described in the blog. She is super competent, buzzing around the gym addressing our needs as patients (turn a fan on here, check oxygen sats there, ask about elbow pain from last week, order linens for the gym) and fairly strict (work gets harder as you excel at it– or tolerate it even). Meanwhile, she fits in broad spectrum socialization that includes everyone and makes us feel at ease and less at work. We laugh and then get back to work. As a result I’m trying to progress to be more like her. Another great feature I find that makes someone more likeable, is they don’t spend alot of time talking about themself.

  • I increased my likeability when I started listening to people and not preparing in my mind what I would say as soon as they stopped talking.

  • I made a concious effort to stop complaining and have a more positive attitude. I noticed that people seemed more into talking to me and I actually enjoyed talking to them more.

  • I increased my liveability in my mid-twenties because I was more confident and spoke up more. It turns out that folks enjoyed what I have to say πŸ˜‰

  • Turns out I think my masculine attributes as described above come more naturally to me than the feminine… and I guess it makes sense that I seem to increase my likability when I stop to listen and show empathy to the people I’m working with

  • I increased my likeability by really listening to others and being interested in them. Paying attention, noticing things people do and feel, and making appropriate comments made me more likeable.

  • I increased my likeability when I volunteered. I have gained a whole new group of quality people in my tribe that respect me for taking action when it is needed.

  • I increased my likeability when I sought professional help from a psychologist in how to better deal with family issues, anger, boosting self-esteem & creating boundaries with others. It made me see things in such a new perspective which truly helped make me a better, more likeable person with a more positive outlook.

  • I think it was when I learned to really listen to what people were saying and not just waiting to respond.

  • I have anxiety and unfortunately it leads to me talking about my problems….a lot…..which can deter friends from wanting to be around me…and promotes gossip….So learning to shut my mouth and listen has to be the best times that I have increased my likeability. LoL.

  • When I was young, we moved a lot due to my stepfather’s job; I increased my likeability by not over-reacting (and trying to remain positive) with every move we made, and always being the “new girl.”

  • I stayed smiling and positive in my stressful job, even when customers would be mean and call you stupid. No one respects a waitress, but I still got things done with a smile.

  • It’s hard being the newbie in a new workplace but it’s so easy to be the one to break the ice instead of feeling like an outsider. Even if you feel like you don’t have much in common it’s easy to chat about work projects & be supportive.

  • As a freelancer, I VERY frequently find myself in unfamiliar situations where I have to establish a connection with others (sometimes one person, a small or large group) as quickly but AUTHENTICALLY as possible. I am very petite which can also work against me ~ at first.

    I think it goes without saying that without a high level of competence, no amount of anything else can really succeed ~ but assuming one know what one is doing and talking about, I’ve learned to find a balance of empathy, mutual respect, being a good listener, maintaining focus, finding common ground and building on it. People really appreciate being appreciated!

    It take time to learn how to find and balance one’s feminine and masculine aspects/ essences. And it’s probably a never ending journey. But I find that having sense of humor and an absence of “attitude” is a big help. Oh and learning to stop hiding your light under a bushel ~ while still being humble and approachable.

  • it was hot one day and i went out and bought loads of ice cream and gave everyone in my nieghborhood a nice refreshing ice cream,it brought all the neighbors together for a chat,games with the kiddies and a care free day for everyone and that dy i got more people that i didn’t know like me which made me very happy

  • I try and always remember the little things people have told me and I feel this makes them appreciate me more in turn

  • I increased my likeability by being aware that my resting face (the exppression I make when I am not in a particular mood) is rather mean, and by trying to change it as often as possible.

  • I increased my likeability when I wasn’t quite as busy and noticed things more and was able to help out, like last week when my neighbor had gotten a new car, and she was freaking out because she couldn’t figure out how to get the parking lights to go off. I helped her get out the manual and figure it out, then gave her a hug. She’s 85 so things get her shook up. Although when I do quiet good deeds I don’t tell anyone, but the recipient knows I care and likes me more than when all they know is I’m coming and going and too busy.

  • Compassion and empathy towards others, as well as being positive at all times! A simple smile can easily start a friendship.

  • By staying in the moment and paying attention and listening rather being stuck in ego and thinking everything is about me.

  • This is a really challenging question; one time when I increased my likeability.

    I think I did it, but my accident. I didn’t do it because I wanted people to like me – I made changes in myself because I saw traits in people that I loved, respected, and admired. I loved my mother’s ability to be empathetic, kind, warm, and selfless. Seemingly, all the time. I tried to work on my impatience, and to have more of those traits. I think it’s definitely made me more likeable.

    I mean – sometimes It means I want to whack people on the head with a wiffle bat, but no plan is perfect, I suppose! πŸ™‚

  • I had a hard time answering that question because I never thought about it before ,but here it goes …I was there for a friend when her dad died . We had not seen each other in years so it was also a reunion . I was pregnant and over due but managed busing from Mississauga to the middle of Toronto to be there for her and her mom . I have little to give except my presence and I do what I can from a place of love so not sure if that increased my likability in retrospect . I try to be there for family friends and strangers in my own humble way. When that massive power failure happened we fed many of the kids in the neighborhood from all the BBQ of the freezer contents. I guess that did make things better because we all get along today

  • How have i increased my likeability? In all honesty, I dont go out of my way to increase my likability. I want people to like me for who I am. I am always there for others when they need someone, whether it be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, watch their kids if they just need a break, you name it, I try my best to help accommodate friends when they are in need.

  • I increase my likeability at work by being respectful of others, and by taking co-workers opinions into account when making decisions.

  • When I first became a Supervisor, I was focused on ensuring my team had a healthy work/life balance. This increased my likability because I demonstrated that they were as equally (or more) important to me as the business was important.