Thinking of an appropriate title for this post, I smiled at how relevant the one above is at this time of the year! Kids are certainly told to be a good girl or boy, lest Santa decide you belong on the naughty list. However, beyond that expectation at Christmas time, using the phrase can often be seen as quite patronizing, yet over and over again if we’re not hearing it directed at us as women, we’re certainly thinking it inside our heads.
Once again, Twitter parody account @manwhohasitall nails it, highlighting how ridiculous the sentiment sounds should the (boardroom) tables be turned.
Blogger, motivational speaker and mentor Betty Ann Heggie also highlighted @manwhohasitall in a recent blog post discussing gender parity in Hollywood. Betty Ann says that accounts like this, “are a good reminder that all the messages we receive need to be tested to ensure they are applicable to humans, not inappropriately targeted to only our gender.”
Betty Ann goes on to share comments made by Jennifer Lawrence in a recent interview. Lawrence described an experience where she gave her opinion in a concise, blunt way but it was perceived by the man she was working with as offensive, when men speak in the same manner every day. “I am over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to state my opinion and still be likeable!”
Further discussion in Betty Ann Heggie’s blog post Think Outside the Gender Box focuses on recent media on Sandra Bullock and Stephanie Meyer. All three women have stepped into roles (either personally or on the job) that were meant to be, or in the past had been, for a man (Meyer switched character roles in an upcoming novel, much to media speculation and hype, and Bullock’s role in Our Brand is Crisis was written for a man). Betty Ann closes her blog post by suggesting “From now on, let’s consider every opportunity a human opportunity, and not whether it’s appropriate for a man or a woman, but whether we are up for the challenge!” I love this, don’t you?
In our latest $100 PayPal giveaway with Betty Ann Heggie, we’re asking you to think about a time when stepping out of your gender expectations worked to your benefit. For me, it’s always been about being feisty, loud, and not exactly the demure quiet girl some may have expected me to be. It certainly has served me well. 😉
Recently my husbands work laid him off for the winter 2 months earlier then expected so we have reversed our roles as me going out to work to make the money and he is a stay at home parent for a few months. This has worked out to my benefit already as my husband now truly understands what it’s like to stay at home with the kids and I get to enjoy interacting with adults for a change. It’s only temporary but I see this benefiting well into the future
I once negotiated wages and benefits at a new job, and received a better deal than what was first offered to me. I think research shows that women get paid less then men, so it’s definitely to our benefit to ask for a better deal when starting a new job.
a few years ago I was the only wage earned in the household as my ex was laid off at the time, was easy for me to find any kind of work
women usually have to work harder than men to prove we can do as good of a job. My job is a very physically demanding one and the guys always treat me like I can’t do half the work they can. I work just as hard if not harder than any guy i work with :p
I work hard everyday to prove to my bosses who are men that I am a hard worker and I can do as much as they can. I am not afraid to stand up for women’s rights
I am a work from home dad. Yes, I get paid a decent amount working from home compared to women, but I feel I don’t get the same respect when I am doing school drop offs. I volunteered at my kids’ school and sometimes I feel they don’t quite think I’m as responsible as a mom. I have shown them that I am responsible and that I put in 100% when I am at the school helping out or on a field tirp with them..
When I was working outside the home, I had one job that was very demanding. I decided one day that I wanted to ask for a raise and took the boss aside and told him how I felt. I ended up getting a bigger raise that I thought so it all worked out for me.
I started my own business and many times people didn’t think I could do it because I was a girl. I showed them.
I am not so sure I have really stepped out of my role, as I work in a female dominant profession – but I do have a physically demanding job and surprise some people with my strength!
I have always been happy to step into roles where physical strength is required. Whether it is helping friends to move or teaching canoeing at a summer camp, I’m glad to do what is needed, regardless of traditional views on roles.
I took a manual labor jib where I was one of the only women, I earned a very good wage and it jump started my house down payment
I’ve worked in male dominated industries and people are impressed when you’re just as good, if not better, than the guys.
I am not afraid to swing a hammer, I enjoy building and renovating.
I helped change the brakes on my car.
I redone my hardwood floor sanding and scraping and varnishing as good as any man…..and i was told it was to big of a job for a woman
I work in a male dominated career. Some days can be a challenge to balance the books.
My pay is higher than my husbands, he loves it, but it breaks the barriers because that is not the norm.
I’ve done a lot of fixes around my house and i benefitted me as I did now have to pay someone to do it.
working in the automotive field, and men not liking to discuss or talk to females in the industry. Alot of times, my boss would say to talk to me because I was more knowledgable made me feel good.
My decision to study computer programming and then work in the IT industry is outside the norm.
I am a man and I do most of the cooking in the house (and most of the cleaning lol … but that’s another topic) and you know what? it just works out better this way for everyone. Who says these things belong to a woman to do anyways?
don’t think that I have stepped out too much but I can change a tire on my car and fix a leaky faucet. When single you kinda need to learn to do all kinds of things for yourself.
Right nbow my husband is the stay at home dad and I am the breadwinner.
I can’t say that I step out of my gender role..because let’s face it..women can do anything, and better than men! =)
I joined the military in 76 in a trade that had just opened to woman, so pretty much everyday for the first 15 years or so. By the time I retired in 01 we had the men pretty well trained to not notice if their boss was a woman or not 😉
I was just 19 and started my own business, so many thought I was way too young . The suppliers that came around were men, the bank,ect, and they would always ask for the owner and when I told them I was they almost shocked .I always felt I had to work harder to prove just because I was a ‘girl’ that I had what it took to achieve my dream.
I’m quite mouthy so I’ve never really had a problem proving myself!
I worked in construction for 3 months. It was hard with all men but i did it and did it well!
i made more $ than my husband for over 2 years. that’s not typical but he was proud of me – as was i!
I can cut the grass, shovel the snow and I do all the gardening by myself while my husband always away fishing
I was the manager in a male dominated industry until I decided to break free and start my own business.
all the time – I’m more aggressive than I would like, but sometimes you need to be to get work done .
At work we have to lift heavy stuff on occasion. On one occasion our only male employee was sick and I filled it, finally having an opportunity to defy the ‘man is stronger’ stereotype and win praise from my colleagues!
I helped change the brakes on my car.
When I challenged the mechanic who tried to charge me $80 to replace the bulb on my brake lights!
I feel like when you have kids people expect the mom to stay home and take care of the kids. I have always worked, I feel it’s not a bad thing to work and my husband stays home right now, he loves it.
I fix everything around so men are surprised when I tell them how to fix something.
I was a single mother for a long time, so I constantly played both rolls. I can fix things, change my own tires, I also watch sports so i’ve always had that to share with my boys
Working in Law Enforcement it works to my benefit to be strong and assertive as opposed to passive and gentle.
I’ve said ‘no’ to friends and had it pay off in terms of making space for myself.
I was the only girl in commercial pilot ground school – and it was a great experience!
Definitely at work, especially when it came to wages and promotions
Pretty much all the time in the film/music business. I was just at a music conference earlier this month that had a strong focus on women in that regard.
all the time
I am the eldest in my home and my dad worked overseas for a period time. So, I take care of my family, doing all handy man’s work to fix home in order to help out
I try to teach my niece that girls can do anything, fix anything that boys can
I get as much information as possible, and then present my thoughts.
Now that I am on my own I need to prove myself even more.
im not really a girly girl so i feel like i break out of my gender role all the time. when i was a teen i asked to be cross trained for the grill area in my job at mcdonalds. it got me a promotion eventually
I’ve always been independent and not depended on a man for anything. I’ve set up my own business, and made all the decisions myself.
I once for a three year period played hockey with my co-workers! I was only one of two female players. I proved myself as the goalie to pick as I was very good at it. Thankfully so, as I did not have the lung power for the rink. It was an awesome time and as an additional benefit, I lost weight and got into shape! Wish I could do it all again!
Stepping out of the expectations at work allowed me to take the jobs i most enjoyed, but were normally given to the guys.
I’m a pro at changing car tires! I changed my own tire when I got a flat and my boyfriend was shocked!
I learned early that I was good at fixing things. In sewing class I was the one fixing the machines rather than finishing my projects.
I made a great office manager even when the men thought I should be home with the kids
I’m pretty good at troubleshooting technical & electronic problems, like hooking up tech equipment, fixing electronics, etc which surprises my friends & family because I’m a woman.
i seem to be the only technical person in the office, as well as my boss. most of my coworkers are surprised that I can fix things around the office and now go to me instead of my boss lol
being a bit tech savy has been helpful
I love to fix things. I don’t like asking or calling for help until I’ve done everything I can to get something to work right. In my experience, the women I know get their husbands to fix or do stuff for them. I like to try and do things myself first.
I am not sure that I have stepped out of my gender role at anytime. I am a stay at home mom with a Scentsy business on the side. So pretty boring lol
My career is a gender twister. Our workforce is about 30% female as it is a traditionally male dominated career. We are held to the same physical fitness testing as men and not regarded any different (except for pregnancy).
I stepped out of my gender expectations when my husband went back to school & I was the higher wage earner. Having been raised by parents who didnt push gender roles I didnt find it all that challenging & it was nice to be able to support my husband while he bettered himself.
I stepped out of my gender expectations by being the only girl in my University Physics’ class. I don’t care if they say Math and Physics are more natural for men, I like it and I get it!
Asking for a raise
Deciding to learn how to fix computers. Even this day in age it seems like people expect men to be the techs.
I decided to learn how to fix computers because I was tired of paying people to do it, so I’m currently in the process of learning how to fix them.
I am good at repairs, building and maintenance and I love doing it all.
I’m good in the kitchen
I ran a non- profit company for 20 years despite the fact that the city just couldn’t wrap their heads around the fact a woman was in charge. A man had been in a top position along with me for the first few years – he left the company, and for the next 5 years the city council kept asking where he was, as if I was just filling in.
There was a lot of gender bias in the workplace in the late 60’s when I first started to work but I found that working hard & applying myself & standing up for myself really helped.
I step out of my gender expectation all the time, I do all the work outside the house, help build the deck and it always work for my benefit because my yard looks good.
I worked in an all male environment and worked as hard if not more in order to stand out!
I do it by repairing things in my home.
Doing home repairs around the house
I usually do the house repairs a under the house as the hubby doesn’t know what he is doing lol
I honestly never really think about gender roles. I was an only child & my dad treated me the same as he had of if I were a boy. I hang out with him in the garage & watched him fix cars & his Harley, he taught me how to fish & skidoo. I used to trudge through swamps catching bullfrogs & tadpoles. I learned so much for him. My husband grew up in an apartment, every time they had an issue they called the super to send someone to fix it. I do most of the handy stuff, minor plumbing & fixit jobs here because he just never grew up with it. Also a lot of my friends are guys & they respect me & treat me as their equal, they even ask me for help/advice sometimes. lol, always me, never my hubby!
I always help change oil and tires on the car
I was a higher wage earner which is awesome!
I am always showing men up by being able to fix anything that breaks down,
I can do anything I decide to, I learned in my 20’s how to fix my wreck of my first (2) vehicles. Now at 42, there isn’t a mechanic that can fool me and I help my friends with their vehicles, too.
It landed me my husband :p He’s a dirtbike riding, rough and tumble mechanic.
I don’t ever remember a time when it benefitted me, and I don’t even recall a time when I did “step out” of my gender expectations. I was brought up in a different generation.
One night at work a group of young men tried to leave without paying. I chased them and stood in front of their vehicle in a ninja stance until they agreed to come back in and pay (and don’t forget the tip, fellas). Ladies generally aren’t expected to threaten people with ninja moves they don’t have, but in this case it worked.
I know this sounds weird but I can’t think of a time. Specifically because gender roles aren’t something I care for. I play video games, drink, etc stuff that isn’t necessarily feminine but it’s stuff I enjoy regardless. I’m sure I always step outside of my normal gender role but it doesn’t register to me at all.
I used the men’s washroom, does that count, lol.
Hmm, I am known for being pretty shy. That said, I have no problem sticking up for others against bullying. Another time was when I needed to figure out what was wrong with my son and needed to seen by different diagnostic people. So, I got the ball rolling 🙂
I was given a rating I didn’t agree with and I told them why I didn’t agree and what I thought I deserved. They were shocked but I got what I asked for as I had valid points they didn’t think about.
I work with mostly me, so I have to stand up for myself a lot. I see it as just part of my job as proving that I can do it
I was pretty fortunate growing up with parents that told me I was strong and encouraged me to speak my mind. I’ve never felt that my thoughts or abilities were under appreciated because of my gender.
I have always been terrible at standing up for myself until recently when I realized that no one else was going to.
I am good with my hands and knows how to fix a few things around the house.
This may be a little off point, but when I was first coming of age (a long time ago and when and equal rights for women was an idea America was still VERY hostile to AND my name was still thought to be mostly a male’s name (Jessie – even teachers didn’t seem to register the feminine spelling) ~ people thought Jessie – like Jesse James or Jesse Jackson)
Anyway … I am quite petite and unmistakably female – BUT I happen to have a very deep voice ~ so my first office jobs that involved talking to clients/ customers on the phone (as well as when I called repair people to come over ) between my name and my husky voice they ALWAYS thought I was a guy! and I tended to be treated with a level of respect that didn’t tend to happen when I met someone in person first (and they’d call me Jessica, even after I introduced myself as Jessie).
I was always a real hoot to those I got to know on the phone first when they first met me and they were always shocked that I was in fact a little girl (petite women.) I learned a lot from those experiences how just assuming I was a man for silly reasons I was treated with a respect and taken much more seriously than when I was assumed to be a male.
Thanks to the anonimity of being an author and having hosted several political blogs in the past ~ I have considerable experience in the this gender bending/blending/extending experience and it is endlessly fascinating and frequently a combination a frustrating and infuriating. Having played both parts (genders) in the comfortable shadow of anonimity ~ I can say it is almost always much easier to be taken seriously when one is assumed to be of the masculine “persuasion.”
(also posted on Betty-Ann’s blog /post)