My Fabulous Life

Parenting. The Struggle Is Real.

We’ve all had those days. Parenting is tough, and parenting a toddler is 1000x so. Still, when we can commiserate with our mommy friends and find some humor in the chaos, it’s awesome right?

This was my day yesterday, upon picking up my daughter (turning 4 at Easter) from Preschool and informing her we were going for lunch with my friend and her kids (whom she adores, by the way). Don’t worry, we were still parked and I needed to capture the ‘joy’ before we started on our drive to the restaurant, for my husband who is away for the weekend.

Sharing this on Facebook, I loved hearing other parent’s stories about their own preschool/toddler meltdowns. It makes us feel connected. Not like an island of crazy.

My life as a blogger is public, and with that comes thick skin (you have to, it’s the internet) so when I received a message on my Facebook page from a reader trying to be helpful, it didn’t offend me or make me angry, but it did make me wonder what you, my readers would think. I won’t share her name or the entire message, because I do believe the person who wrote it thought she was being helpful, but. But. This:

“This says a whole lot to your child about how you care about her feelings….taping/taking pictures of your kid when they are upset is so disrespectful.”

Ouch? And no, this says nothing to my child about how I care about her feelings. In a world where I think parents coddle their children to university, I live in a world where my kids have expectations of behavior and when they’re being ridiculous, I’ll point it out and laugh at the situation, at them, and at my mommy life. And then I’ll post it on Facebook and blog and share.

Are there lines we cross on social media as parents? Absolutely, every day! Bathtub pictures are a no-no on social media, and I will send a message to a friend saying that it’s a bad idea if I see one posted. Humiliating a child as punishment and then reveling in that humiliation isn’t OK. But if your child is being a little jerk, or funny, or ridiculous, I think sharing with other parents that you – too – are having a crap day with a ridiculous child not only isn’t disrespectful, it’s real.

I find “I’m having a crap day” or “Here’s a picture of my child being ridiculous” Facebook posts far more real and helpful than sunny affirmations daily and the perfect mommy Facebook updates (can we talk about the #blessed hashtag for a bit later too?)

Just me? I didn’t think so.

32 Comments

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  • Someone seriously messaged you that?!?! WOW. UNBELIEVABLE. You are one of the best, caring, respectful, and loving moms I know!!!

  • I LOL’ed at #blessed. Real mommy life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine and I think we need to share those less than perfect moments more often. Keep up the awesome.

  • Some day, your daughter will look back on this video and say, “Mom, I’m so sorry.” It’ll probably be when she is having a similar day with her own child.

    • I can not WAIT to show her videos like this when she’s older. Thankfully, my parents didn’t have that technology when I was little so all I have are their stories. Which I have said are completely untrue I’m sure. All made up. 😉

  • You know what no mother needs?

    Other mothers mothering her mothering.

    Because mothering is hard, y’all. Every day we are at the mercy of our little dictators… Er, children and their crazy little whims.

    When a mom posts a video like this, it’s to both commiserate with other moms and advertise that she, too is surviving the less glamorous parts of her kids growing up years.

    So unless the child is in immediate danger and/or mother POINTEDLY ASKS “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?“ do her a favor and take the post in the spirit it was intended and keep your “helpful” insights to yourself.

    All mama’s need support and to be supportive. And that means stopping with both the unsolicited advice and mothering my mothering.

  • You did nothing wrong by sharing the video. If other folks don’t want to share their toddlers’ “challenging moments”, that is their prerogative. I love your blog: you are REAL & I find it refreshing that you don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. I read a few other “mommy” blogs that I had to unfollow because there was such an undertone of bitchiness masquerading as humour that I lost patience. You & Lise, on the other hand, are intelligent, eloquent, funny and compassionate. Keep doing what you do so very well!

  • if she was really crying uncontrollable in the heart broken way, then maybe yes. but everytime you turned the phone towards her she semi stopped. I dont think she will have any lasting effects from this video, bet she forgot all about it when she was eating her lunch.

    • Oh for sure, if a child is heartbroken over something and having a meltdown that isn’t funny at all (my 10 year old has some doozy’s) then no, I wouldn’t even think to pull out my phone. In this case, it was so ridiculous that I just had to capture it!

  • Thanks for being so real Tenille!
    One of the many reasons I follow your blog is that you seem like a pretty down to earth woman who isnt out for fame but to keep it real and to the point about topics like being frugal, parenting and everyday life. Keep it up! 🙂

    • Thank you so much Cameron! Considering my YouTube videos are seen by about 50 people, nope, no fame seeking there! I really appreciate your comments and am so glad I’m coming across the way I intend!

  • as a mom of 6 (2 bio,3 step 1 adopted) and 13 grandchildren,,you never know when or how they will melt down,,I just wish I had taped some of my kids meltdowns so now when their kids have tamtrums or meltdowns they know they once they did the same thing too,,save this,someday it will come in handy

    • My daughter is 5 and she thinks its quite hilarious when I show her a meltdown video of herself when she was 3 … she still has them now and I cant wait to show her them when she’s 7 haha 🙂

  • I have some meltdown moments on 8mm tape…now thats awhile ago.When we watch them now(kids are adults) its just so funny

  • I love the post, Tenille. So funny, because just yesterday I was picking my little miss up from the same preschool, and she had a meltdown because I didn’t put her mitts on the way she wanted. So, she wailed for the first block of our walk home. Over mitts! Then I distracted her with the blue chalk that is all over the sidewalk, and all was right in the world again. So, thanks for the post. It’s nice for us all to remember that we are not the only ones dealing with irrational meltdowns.

  • I can’t believe someone messaged that to you. Good for you for taking it with a thick skin and giving the underlying message some reflection — the way the message was delivered was a bit rude.

  • With four kids in the mix, meltdowns are definitely frequent enough in our family. That’s life. It happens.

  • I have raised my daughter and she had plenty of moments. That’s part of being a kid. I’m so lost for words on how society is becoming overly sensitive to what I call”normal”.

  • Oh geez, there’s always someone out there with something negative to say. I share a lot of my children’s bad moments on social media, and I feel it’s OK, because I love them & I balance it out with the good moments too. We are all human & go thru the same parenting struggles.