So I had an interesting experience today that I had to share to get some feedback. I was at Walmart (don’t judge, I love Walmart) picking up some sunscreen and bubble-juice, as my daughter calls the bubble liquid for our Gazillion Bubbles products. I only had Nevaeh, my 2 year old, with me which made it easier to shop. While I was paying at the check-outs she asked if she could go over to the little ride area. You know, the rides that used to be 25 cents when we were little and are now $1. Frugal me does not pay for these rides, so my kids have never been on them there (besides, we’re going to a fair in a few weeks where I’ve already spent $$ on the ride bracelets ahead of time, my kids get to ride…just not at Walmart).
So it’s my turn, and I’m keeping an eye on Nevaeh while the associate is scanning my items. I see two women walk up with 2 kids and put them on one of the rides. Nevaeh is watching curiosly but at a distance. The kids start arguing so the grandmother grabs the kids and hauls them off the ride. I’m not sure if her tactic was to use my 2 year old as an example or if she actually thought she was doing something nice but…
I hear, “Do you want to ride sweetie?” to which of course my 2 year old shyly nods yes, and then, “Ok sweetie, come here.” She then lifts up my child and places her on the (still moving ride). At this point I’m already right there, having seen her reach for my child. I grab Nevaeh, pull her off the ride, saying “Uh. NO.” and turn on my heel to walk away.
Behind me I hear, “Oh? Does she get dizzy?” from the grandmother. And all I could think was, no she doesn’t but you’d be dizzy if I clocked you like I’d have liked to! Nevaeh is two and a half years old and 28 pounds. She’s tiny and trusting.
WHAT gives people the ok to touch another child? I don’t care if she’s cute, I don’t care if she nodded yes she’d like to go on the ride. This woman didn’t even look up to see if a parent was nearby, nor did she seem to care. We have to be so careful about our children and as a community we should be watching to ensure all children are kept safe, not encouraging behavior like that!
If that wasn’t MY child standing there I think I still would have walked over and looked around for the parent thinking, “Why is this woman picking up someone else’s child that she obviously doesn’t know?”
I wondered if my friends would think I was overreacting when I posted about it on Facebook but so far, others feel the way I do.
What about you – is it ever ok for a stranger to touch, to pick up, your child without your permission?
I am so protective, I would not have allowed my daughter to go away from me, at all. And yes, NO ONE touches my kids unless it is me or family. Strangers? Hell no!
I think that in our culture we are so very protective of our children, as we should be. Sometimes though, it is to a fault. We teach our children “stranger danger”, and not to talk to people they don’t know… etc. etc. I think that it creates unnecessary fear for us as parents, and for our children. The world definitely is sometimes scary, there are definitely people that are bad and will hurt us if we allow them the opportunity to. However, MOST people are not a danger. MOST of the time if you leave your car door unlocked everything will be untouched when you come back to it. In other countries they actually live by the saying, “it takes a village to raise a child”. I have seen in other countries… people scolding children that aren’t even theirs, and the parents thanking them because somehow this bad behaviour went under their radar. Here, in the US, we are so afraid and territorial when it comes to our children and our families. I’m sure this woman had the purest of intentions when putting your little girl on the ride… she is part of your community, and she is part of the village raising your child. She meant no harm. I personally embrace these opportunities for my children to interact with new and interesting people, its reality, it’s part of the world that they live in. Of course it’s always difficult to know what to censor and what not to… I trust my gut for this, and generally interactions with community members are fine by me.
I have mixed feelings about this. I would not be happy if that had happened to my child. But i know through the years where i have been at the park with my kids and another kid is looking at you and said culd you help them because they need help getting up on something and yes i have helped them and even my Husband has helped kids get up at the park area also. As maybe the parent was not close by or what ever the situation was. I don’t think that i would do what the Grandmother did. We all are different of how we are as a parent and we want to protect our kids from harm.
But it seems you take one turn of your head and something can happen.
So the way you reacted is the way you felt and that is fine and i hope the Grandmother realized why.
Some of us are overprotective, worrying fear-driven parents who go to extremes to protect our kids sometimes.
We love our kids to death and we often assume the worst about people (kinda “glass half empty sort of folks 
As my daughter gets older, I have become more aware of how my anxiety and overprotectiveness are teaching her to be anxious and fearful of new people and situations. It’s a fine line between teaching them to be smart with new people and being fearful that there’s a rapist around every corner. It’s also an easier line in some senses. It’s easier for me as a parent to tell her to distrust ALL new/unfamiliar people (though very young children need this simplicity to begin with) I just need to be sure to supplement that thinking as my kids get older. I want my kids to be friendly and respectful, to care about other people and not be afraid to go out and build relationships! They just have to learn to be smart about it! I need to model this behaviour myself.
I agree with the others above who are concerned with the way we’re teaching our kids that all strangers are scary or dangerous. Society has changed, not just because people have become more dangerous, but because we have become more fearful of perceived or imagined danger. We have left no opportunity for people to be good! (Having DH’s working in jobs like ours doesn’t help either, does it?
Age appropriateness should also be considered. This woman should have known that a 2.5 year old should not be helped onto a moving ride without a parent in case of fall, etc. Maybe a 2.5 year old shouldn’t be out of the buggy….. it’s all what you’re comfortable with. Like you said, if she’s not right beside you, you can’t predict what other people will do!
Sidenote: My mom is actually my dad’s second wife, married when I was 7. She would have been 15 or so when I was born, being 9 years younger than my dad. She’s one young grandma with 4 grandkids and she’s only 42! Not always creepy – but in this town, I totally get what you mean
Tough one.
Initial gut reaction? HOW DARE YOU! NEVER EVER LAY YOUR HANDS ON MY CHILD EVER!
Upon Reflection? I shocked to say I AM that grandmother! I helped a kid into the swing at the park the other day. He was watching the other kids, mine included, I was pushing her, swing for a while and he couldn’t get into the swing (bucket style). I said do you want to get up? He said yes and I left him in. I didn’t even think about it until now that had someone done this with my child I’d have lost it. In fact when my child wanted to get down I also explained to him that he needed to get down now because he’d have been trapped in it had I walked away and I took him out of it.
In all honesty it NEVER occurred to me until just now that I had crossed a line in any way until I read this. Now I’m feeling kinda awful because I know if it’d been my kid I’d have not reacted well. I mean, I KNOW I didn’t mean him ANY harm or danger but looking back how did his parents know that?
Wow, you’ve really made me stop and think.
i wouldn’t have cared. and i would have helped a child up too probably. not if it was moving though. was the ride on? i also agree with the couple of people who were saying that you shouldn’t have let your child go that far by herself at 2. like it or not, the time it takes you look away and pay for your purchase, is enough time for someone to grab her and run. im from small town so i *would* let my kids that far at 2 but i also adopt the mantra of “it takes a village” so i wouldn’t have minded if someone had picked her up at all. ok just having typed that, my heart skipped a beat. apparently i am not ok with it. someone i don’t know that is…..maybe i wouldn’t help a complete strange kid onto a ride either. so it seems i do agree with you. someone i don’t know really shouldn’t lift my kids onto anything. say hi, ask where there mom is so you know they aren’t lost, move on..
Truthfully? Every time I took my daughter to church she was passed around and carried by my mother-in-law’s friends and other church people, many of whom I’d never laid eyes on before. I didn’t mind, as long as there was always a member of our family in the room and nobody tried to feed her candy. Now that my daughter is 2, she likes to try to run away from me in public places, and although she never gets too far from me, I can’t run after her for too long and I’m always grateful to the people who catch her so I can catch up and grab her. As long as nobody actually hutrs her or takes her out of my sight, it’s all good.
I know not everyone will agree with that and you absolutely have the right to prefer strangers never touch your daughter, but I wouldn’t dwell on it since everything turned out fine. 
I sat down last night and discussed this with Ady. If someone tries to pick her up to kick scream and punch..That is pretty sad that we have to scare our children that everyone is bad…What do we do when they truly need help they are going to be scared to ask anyone for help!! It’s so hard raising kids now a days..There are so many freaks out there..
after watching the video footage of the man who grabbed a 7 year old girl in a US Walmart (she’s ok) who was only 1 aisle over from her mom, I think I’m with you. In my circle of people I know, I’m ok with them doing stuff like that. At our local park, I’m ok with other parents helping – I help, too. But is not a big store and it’s not really a community there. I’d have been bothered, too. I’m guessing she wasn’t as far as people think she might have been and was within reach. Maybe the Grandmas saw you and knew you were there and it was all innocent – but you can’t know that. And she could have looked around for a parent to say ‘May I?” It’s sad we have to be so careful – but when anyone can come along and try to walk away with your child, we have to be.
I probably would have been upset too although i may have explained in a loud voice that ‘Mommy needs to be with you when you go on any rides’. I want my girls to be ‘aware’ of strangers but not afraid
I too have helped children at the park but not first without finding the parent or having the child to ask their Mom or Dad if it’s ok. I try to act the way I would hope other parents/grandparents would with my children. I hope by doing that my children as adults will act the same way towards other people’s children.
I think first reaction is “Thats my chikd so dont touch” However if you analyze the situation it was a grandmother seeing it as well I’m going to get my $1 worth and let someone else ride. You also have to consider that grandparents are from a different generation, they see simple situations like this as innocent and normal(of course this is back when those rises were $0.25 and there were not apps for sexual predators in your area, times have changed)